Neil Gaiman www.NeilgaimanBoard.com www.NeilgaimanBoard.com The World's End FLAME WARS Dating websites le deux, Punkyfins reports.
www.NeilgaimanBoard.com www.NeilgaimanBoard.com The World's End FLAME WARS Dating websites le deux, Punkyfins reports.|
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is in perfect karmic alignment Member  |
A while ago, I put up a profile on OK Cupid as a response to the “dating websites†thread. It’s been a while now, so I figured I’d post some of my findings.
Please keep in mind that –for honesties sakes- my profile clearly states that I’m not interested in a relationship, nor in sex. For the remainder I haven’t changed it since I knocked it up in about 20 minutes. I answered quite a lot of the websites questions and have done some of their tests. I posted two pictures of myself. I’ll not jump to any conclusions: just post my findings. This thread is not to mock people who have tried to contact me, but for the guys on this board who use sites like these and might benefit from another perspective. Firstly, I’ve observed that people don’t read my profile very well. One example of this was a message that went something like “Wow, you seem weird even for a Dutch person…†to “I’m looking for someone to share my life with: and I think you might be it…†Secondly people are (very) forward. One message that I got was interesting enough for a chat, confided in that first conversation that he was a recovering sex-addict. That’s too much too soon, for me: I do not need to hear confessions about their alcoholism/drug addiction/any addiction in the first convo. Another example was, like I mentioned before, someone who thought I might be the woman he wanted to spend his life with. Another one was someone from the Netherlands who sent me a message “So, which video-store do you work in?†Again too much too soon, for me. Some of the guys have the most –pardon my French- Godawful handles. They might be –these are fictional examples for obvious reasons- King_Of_Your_World_95, Huge_Stallion87, Lord_Of_Hell666, Earnest_Boy436 and so on. For me, I will have a peek at a profile before I respond to a message, and I ran into some very “interesting†ones, for instance –again fictional example for obvious reasons- “Hi, I’m like a male chovinist who is just out for rough sex and wont respect you hahahahaha no really. I’m a sentisive sweat guy whos into maybe making some freend over the net. I like football and sports and things…†Positives: Specific questions about something in my profile, and an indication that someone has read the entire thing, work for me. An example: “which is one of your fave poems by Neruda†another “Linux, huh. What kind of linux do you use?†Those are easy questions for me to answer. I don’t have to think for a long time how to respond. Giving me space: “We could chat if you want†works better than “Tell me where you work†Don’t make it awkward/tricky for me to respond. “Are you the love of my life?†calls for some thought, if I want to stay polite. I’ll have to come up with something like “Well, as you can see in my profile, I’m not currently looking for a steady relationship. I’m sorry: I wish you the best of luck.†On the profiles, I find myself drawn to those that are the best read, even if they didn’t yield common interests. There was one of someone who had an interesting job overseas and wrote about it in a journalistic way. It was a good description, and it was a fun read. To recap: what works best in my case is if you make it easy for me. Ask specific questions, don’t make me feel awkward, be brief and to the point in your messages, make your profile a fun read. If you make it easy for me to send a response I usually will. This message has been edited. Last edited by: Pumpkifins, ~You are a *Taverner*. Sometimes patrons want to go where everybody knows their names, though it helps when half of them are named John. When people want to celebrate, or commiserate, they gather to your establishment. You provide the atmosphere, the warmth, rum, and even an ear to bend. Did I mention the rum? Years before the language will be mangled with terms like facilitator and networking and interpersonal communication, you've overseen it all, and broken up a few bar fights, to boot.~ -Royko |
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has no member title Member  |
Lol!
Maybe it would help if you pointed out what exactly you didn't like in this profile?
Also, did you find anyone you would be actually interested in dating? And if not, do you think it is because of the quality of *your* profile? (Just genuinely curious). __ The brickchewing, camera flaunting restroom saint formerly known as Babylon the Bride |
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is in perfect karmic alignment Member |
Well, part of the point was that i didn't make a stand-out sparkly profile for myself: just average. Which is why i never edited it. So, certainly it'll have something to do with my profile.
No, i haven't met anyone as of yet i would hypothetically be interested in dating. What i disliked about the profile? Well, it's haphazard, unfunny, doesn't tell me anything about the person and is frankly unreadable.  Two caveats: i've replied to most of the messages i got. Politely but sometimes firmly. I haven't contacted anyone myself, except one or two boardies i ran into on there. So it might not e entirely representative... ~You are a *Taverner*. Sometimes patrons want to go where everybody knows their names, though it helps when half of them are named John. When people want to celebrate, or commiserate, they gather to your establishment. You provide the atmosphere, the warmth, rum, and even an ear to bend. Did I mention the rum? Years before the language will be mangled with terms like facilitator and networking and interpersonal communication, you've overseen it all, and broken up a few bar fights, to boot.~ -Royko |
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Member |
I don't understand...
if you're not interested in a relationship OR sex, what are you looking for? Just a escort to the movies or dinner? |
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has no member title Member |
She was testing OKCupid for some of our male boardies who find them frustrating. To share the female experience of online dating and show by example what guys do that makes them attractive/unattractive
 And I assume "no relationship or sex" means "someone to go out with"? My experience with that kind of profile has been that guys can't believe you really mean that and just ignore the no sex part. __ The brickchewing, camera flaunting restroom saint formerly known as Babylon the Bride |
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is in perfect karmic alignment Member |
I tried to find the original "dating sites are such a rip-off" thread to link to. To explain, i knocked up a quick profile to show what something like that might look like and also for people to decide what they did or did not like about it: so they themselves could avoid those things in their own profiles.
Because of many peoples online-dating woes, i kept the profile up to basically see what would happen. If you ask me point blank what i would be interested in: well i like to chat to people internationally, so i'm in it for the interesting conversation, basically. Eta: Thanks BtB ~You are a *Taverner*. Sometimes patrons want to go where everybody knows their names, though it helps when half of them are named John. When people want to celebrate, or commiserate, they gather to your establishment. You provide the atmosphere, the warmth, rum, and even an ear to bend. Did I mention the rum? Years before the language will be mangled with terms like facilitator and networking and interpersonal communication, you've overseen it all, and broken up a few bar fights, to boot.~ -Royko |
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The Biscuitkeeper Member  |
I always thought OkCupid was a stupid site among dating websites. The quizes were dumb and tried to match people on 10 generic questions. "Hey! Carrots are my favorite vegetable too!," says SexKitten69.
I had very positive experiences with cupid.com and match.com looked good as well, but it was more expensive. I met a few nice people I eventually met in person and I keep in contact with one of them. She's getting married this year and Amy and I have been invited to her wedding. If I remember correctly, okcupid is a free site. You get what you pay for... I'm Matt Cable and I approve this message. ________________________________________________ I'm alright. Don't nobody worry bout me. |
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Wigber Member  |
Could you deep-link the profile or just post it to add context? Also, post a 'winner' profile to contrast with the "you, me, and a tube of lube" lusers? Also a winner WSM would be helpful.
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is in perfect karmic alignment Member |
The link in the first post has been fixed to lead to my OK-Cupid profile: instead of the homepage. I'll dig up a profile that i find interesting: you're right i should have saved some i blundered upon. And please explain: WSM?
ETa: Matt, yes in some ways it's a stupid site. It also has a very large user-base. I was curious as to what a free "friends site" like that might yield: and i hit on one or two surprises. But you're quite right: it's a site for the angelicly patient ~You are a *Taverner*. Sometimes patrons want to go where everybody knows their names, though it helps when half of them are named John. When people want to celebrate, or commiserate, they gather to your establishment. You provide the atmosphere, the warmth, rum, and even an ear to bend. Did I mention the rum? Years before the language will be mangled with terms like facilitator and networking and interpersonal communication, you've overseen it all, and broken up a few bar fights, to boot.~ -Royko |
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Do or do not. There is no try. Member  |
I have 2 married friends who used match.com to find their current spouses. I have nothing else to add to the convo other than they both had a very positive experience with the site (obviously). Now, that's not to say the first time was the charm, particularly one friend went on several dates, multiple dates with a couple of guys (this was over a year or so, if memory serves). She even tried the lunch dating scene for a time. One of the hard parts for her was getting used to knowing what you know from the profile, to learning what you can from e-mail and IM, to the phone calls, to eventually a face-to-face date. The whole thing for her, early on anyway, had this sense of urgency about it, because both parties were on the site to obviously find dates/companionship, so there seemed to be a quick rush to judge for both sides. In fact, if memory serves, her now husband was one where they got to the date part, had a few dates, then she broke it off a while to keep looking, did the lunch date scene, and went back to match.com and resparked with the guy.
Not sure if that makes any sense, I didn't live through it, just trying to recall what I remember of our conversations during her experiences. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  I live for three things: The Girls, football, and live jazz. What do you live for? Let passion drive you. |
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Wigber Member |
Sorry, thick fingers: Single White Male was intended. Found the link. I think you're a closer match for Garbo, then than Dietrich w/cigarette. I think it was vagueness of the profile, drinker and smoker that resulted in it being a 'fly catcher'. |
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Member |
I guess what I meant to say is then why go to a dating site? Aren't there places to go just to find friends to hang out with??? If I was I guy on that site, I would be confused as to what you want... |
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is in perfect karmic alignment Member |
Re: Jaque
*blushes* Thank you! That's sweet! The profile thing: i dug one up that made me laugh... But i'm not sure i'd be comfortable linking to it here without asking for permission. The Single White Male thing i still don't quite get. You want me to link you to the profile pictures of men i find physically attractive? Because then the same thing would apply. It's a fun experiment: the fly-catcher and like i said i'm in it for the conversation. But i'm not sure i want to link to these people as exhibits for a "Do's and dont's of net-dating". Eta: Crazy Jane, it's not only a dating site. And not a "commercial" dating site. I'd feel uncomfortable going on one of those, because people will (rightly) assume I'm there to date; and that would be a dishonest thing to do. At OK-Cupid there are quite a lot of people who're not looking to date specifically, but who like to do the tests or read about people. ~You are a *Taverner*. Sometimes patrons want to go where everybody knows their names, though it helps when half of them are named John. When people want to celebrate, or commiserate, they gather to your establishment. You provide the atmosphere, the warmth, rum, and even an ear to bend. Did I mention the rum? Years before the language will be mangled with terms like facilitator and networking and interpersonal communication, you've overseen it all, and broken up a few bar fights, to boot.~ -Royko |
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Member |
Thanks for clearing that up, Punky!
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Don't. Blink. Member  |
I am also on OKCupid by the way. And it was indeed to meet people. OKC is one of the only free (or pay) sites that doesn't seem to sneakily judge people who are poly or in open marriages.
I had some good luck on there as I met someone wonderful who I dated for a few months. I did also go out with a couple of others from there a time or two. One person I went out with once and though we were not interested in dating we are friends now and keep in touch. I have experienced the annoying guys who just ask for sex and that doesn't bother me since I am listed as wanting that. However, there are good and bad ways to approach it. Generally it isn't something that should be the only content of an introductory email. Yes, I want sex but some friendship is nice too. Overall I really like OKC. I have used some others. But, again, they judge me based on the relationship dynamics I have. I have also used AFF - Adult Friend Finder - if anyone has questions about the female perspective there. ------------------------------ "I claim the capacity to doubt." - Herman Wouk ------------------------------- "They warn you about killers and thieves in night I worry about cancer and living right But my mama never warned me about my own Destructive appetite" - Jenny Lewis "Happy" |
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and the Case of the Rotting Seafood Platter Member  |
Huh. I have the opposite impression of dating sites. OK Cupid is funny and the people are less likely to take themselves too seriously. I'm not sure how long ago you looked into it, because matching there is now based on hundreds of user-created questions (although many of them are still stupid). They also seem to have a greater geek factor than the pay sites, which appeals to me. Match.com is just too... boring for me. It's like hanging out at TGIFriday's. (Hey look! It's another laid-back, fun-loving person who loves to travel and is sick of the bar scene. LOL!) OK Cupid is more of a dive bar. It's a little off, not quite polished. It's cheap (free), so it attracts all sorts of people, many of whom may not be all that savory, but at least it's not as boring (although it too has it's share of laid-back, bar-weary travelers. LOL!). ETA: My attitude toward pay sites may be biased, because usually I can see another user's search criteria on those sites. I don't know about other towns, but it's difficult to find a girl in St. Louis who isn't looking for a tall, athletic, white guy; it's readily apparent on Match.com. You can't see how you match another person's search criteria in OK Cupid, and that fact might lead me to feel less frustrated with the site, that it's not completely obvious to me that I'm fucked before I even say anything. (I'm sure there isn't much of a market for skinny short guys anywhere in the world, but I've a feeling the race thing may be more of a factor here than in some other places in the US.) This message has been edited. Last edited by: CancerDusk, ------ "Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don't learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying 'yes' begins things. Saying 'yes' is how things grow. Saying 'yes' leads to knowledge." ~Stephen Colbert |
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Sittin' at the dock of the Bayeaux Tapestry Member  |
I've tried OKCupid, match.com, mysinglefriend.com, geek2geek.com, and datetheuk.com, and taken everyone's advice here. The story is always the same.
And in Punkyfins' original post, I also did not do any of the bad things she points out. The story is still the same. I think it will always be the same. I've cleaned my money out signing up to these things. I should just accept my fate just castrate myself.  "The other night I dreamed that King George VI was dead, and that Helen Hardinge had somehow or other got herself proclaimed Queen of England, and that I was detailed to go and tell her that it wouldn't do at all; and when I did this, all she said was, 'You see, I am really Queen Mary,' and I said, 'Oh very well' - words to that effect, and woke up. Last night I dreamed that Eisenhower came to stay with us, and he insisted on being put to sleep in the dog kennel, with a collar and chain about his neck." - Sir Alan Lascelles, 19 February 1980 |
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Wigber Member |
I think the NHS only performs that procedure for unredeemable sex offenders. |
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Sittin' at the dock of the Bayeaux Tapestry Member |
Well, I do appear to be offensive to the opposite sex, it seems.
"The other night I dreamed that King George VI was dead, and that Helen Hardinge had somehow or other got herself proclaimed Queen of England, and that I was detailed to go and tell her that it wouldn't do at all; and when I did this, all she said was, 'You see, I am really Queen Mary,' and I said, 'Oh very well' - words to that effect, and woke up. Last night I dreamed that Eisenhower came to stay with us, and he insisted on being put to sleep in the dog kennel, with a collar and chain about his neck." - Sir Alan Lascelles, 19 February 1980 |
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Wigber Member |
In an odoriferous or odious way?
One is easily curable, the other takes a greater effort. However, with enough guile its possible. |
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