Oi. You. You are a good mommy.
And sometimes babies cry and that's okay.
You're still a good mommy.
Okay?

Dear brain,

This messed up sleeping thing has got to go. You let me fall asleep while reading, but then when I put everything away and turn off the light and await sweet sleepy bliss you fling paranoia at me! Yes, I did take my pills, yes, I was a complete dork any of those manymany times you keep remembering, even if I did forget to pay that bill, I am not going to get up right now to do it.

*sigh*

I know, you're addled by either pain or painkillers and you were never too stable to begin with, but I'd just like to have a semi-normal night's sleep and not to be so exhausted the next day that I just go back to bed in the morning and sleep until nearly noon.

I'm tired of being tired all the time.

You could try keeping a notebook by the bed, Maeve? I find it easier to sleep if I write down things like unpaid bills, so I'm not worried I'll forget them overnight.

*hugs maeve*

I actually have to leave the TV on until I fall asleep, because if I turn everything off and actually try to fall asleep I can't. I have to trick my mind

Unfortunately this has conditioned me to fall asleep every time I try and watch TV, which is irritating

quote:

Originally posted by Green-Robot:
Oi. You. You are a good mommy.
And sometimes babies cry and that's okay.
You're still a good mommy.
Okay?

*hugs*
Listen to yourself!

Yep, babies cry, it's their job! Follow your intuition, though, if you think anything's wrong.

I've been listening to audiobooks to fall asleep. It has to be particular - not too exciting or interesting because then I won't want to sleep. Rereads are usually good, too. Narrator must have good soothing voice. I've been listening to the Artemis Fowl books lately (Nathaniel Parker narrates).

Right, first of all, stop moaning that you've got other things on your mind, stop saying you need to do work for other subjects just to get out of doing the art essay, since its what you're doing with your life, and damn well WRITE IT! while we're at it get more sleep, then you can't moan about being tired, and print off those pictures and DRAW them, its what you're supposed to be good at. do you want to go to university or not? and stop bloody distracting yourself with this board! also stop moaning that you can't cope with all your subjects, everyone else can.

That made me feel better.

This may not have been the best time to start paying more rent.

I know the current room has damp, but are you sure it's that problematic for you?

Or have you just let other people frighten you into an expensive decision?

You sent the christmas card off without an address, you muppet!

After all the trouble you went into with the message and the photo!

Are you going to sit playing about on the computer ALL day? No? Then stop using the cat in your lap as an excuse and ice the cake/wrap the presents/finish the shopping/take that book back to the library/and all the other silly things you need to do. Oh, and stop thinking about Keanu Reeves. He's not going to turn up on your doorstep one day. Get over it - you silly middle-aged woman! (and no, you're not going to win the lottery, so if you want to travel, you'd better start saving!)

quote:

Originally posted by Motley:
Are you going to sit playing about on the computer ALL day? No? Then stop using the cat in your lap as an excuse and ice the cake/wrap the presents/finish the shopping/take that book back to the library/and all the other silly things you need to do. Oh, and stop thinking about Keanu Reeves. He's not going to turn up on your doorstep one day. Get over it - you silly middle-aged woman! (and no, you're not going to win the lottery, so if you want to travel, you'd better start saving!)

Subtract the cat and Keanu Reeves and replace them with knitting and you have me!

Hey You.

Will you grow the fuck up?

Will you stop with the bullshit? The supreme, utter bullshit that you've been spinning? Please? Especially to yourself.

You need help. You're getting help, and you think it's helping, but it's not.

You Need Serious Help. The medication you are on is a stop-gap measure. You need to seriously get down and WORK ON SHIT.

You're going to do the same thing over and over again... use it as a crutch, use it to solve your problems, without solving your problems.

No, all of this isn't entirely your fault. Other people share the blame. Stop trying to be the fucking martyr all the time. That's a crutch, too.

You heap all the blame on yourself, tell yourself that if you only did "A" and "B" differently, things would be different... but that removes other people from the equation.

You aren't saving the world by putting it on your shoulders. You aren't saving other people from their own decisions. THEY ARE ALLOWED TO DECIDE THINGS OUTSIDE OF YOUR SPHERE OF CONTROL.

You always bitch and moan about people not giving you respect, or seeing your talents, or this/that/the other thing. You always complain that you feel like you're being someone else's You, and not Your You.

Well, guess why? Because you need to fucking grow up and grow a pair. You give people control, even tell them it's ok, while quietly telling yourself that you're to blame, it's all your fault, blahblahblah.

It's tiresome. It takes so much energy, and you spin yourself up so much, that it burns you out.

It burns everybody out.

Why? Because when you do that, you get into a funk, and people see it, and you beg for coddling and affection (even indirectly).

You're a child. Grow the fuck up.

And stop posting rants to yourself on forums. (See above re: coddling)

Maeve
Walker *hugs*

Happy Christmas to you both xxx

Why oh why did you think you should start selling stuff? The paperwork involved is due on specific dates, not just when you feel like filling it out. And apparently it needs to be done even if it's all zeroes.

Which is stupid, admittedly, but it's still something that needed to be done and you knew that.

You set yourself up for this disappointment, so don't whinge about it.

Go to sleep. NOW! You're not going to impress any interviewer if you're half dead tomorrow.

I am tired of being a responsible adult.

Stop it with the *nerves* already. Geez.

this is in advance, just in case:

don't let him get close. don't let him get to you. tell bosslady if you need to, if he's bothering you or making things at work awkward. don't let this get you down, he is SO not worth it.

Dear Fins,

It's entirely obvious that you're not used to being unable to solve conundrums in that overactive mind of yours. But honestly: what are you trying to solve? There is nothing to solve. Why on earth do you keep overthinking things. Leave it alone already.

Sincerely yours,
Your heart.

Dear Me:

So here it is. Sometimes, when you brood, you talk to yourself about what you would tell your past self: what you would warn him about, or tell him to do differently, or not tell him as the case may be. Now, while that might be great for a short story, it is highly unproductive for real life. So I am going to write a letter to you for right now.

First, it is going to be a bitch. It won't always be a bitch and you will have times when you are content, and feeling constructive, and even happy. There will also be times when you will be in agony, and feel trapped in that horrible Despair Place that you know so well.

Someone you met recently explained to you how perfectionists and hoarders are exactly the same. Both of them collect things, both try not to change anything, they keep everything "just in case," but they never move, their minds become disorganized and they ultimately become paralyzed by the inertia they willingly keep around them.

This is your dilemma and it has cost you. It has cost you recently. It will--and it does--feel like a burden, but at the same time it is also a challenge. Your challenge.

So now you are back where you started: but at the same time, you're not. And it feels so ... freaking weird. The way I see it, you have two choices. The first is to wallow and let the inertia and the demons eat you. The second, however, will be painful in a different way. You get up and you do what you have to: especially if you enjoy it.

I suspect that you will be doing both of these alternatively. It is a change from what you are used to dealing with, but perhaps that is what you need. Change. The only thing that separates you from happiness right now is mindset and if you can work on that, then you will have a choice. No one else can help you with this.

Just you.

Take care of yourself, man.

sincerely,
M