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I'm So Angry. So Angry.
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is like fusion cuisine, if Canada can be seen as having a cuisine.
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Picture of G~R
posted
I don't know how to start. I have so much anger right now.
Maybe I'll start by writing out what I want to say to him but can't.

quote:
Dear 17-year-old Creep,

Oh how I hate you. I loathe you.
You are a despicable human being.
What is WRONG with you?
You tried dating girls your age but they were too smart for you?
So you turned to a 13-year-old.
You worked on her for a while, didn't you?
Pretending to be her friend. Pretending to be a nice guy. Pretending to think of her as your friends' little sister.
And underneath it, you fucking felt her up on my parents' couch with everyone there?
And then.
You convinced her to sneak out with you.
And the first time, her older sister (YOUR FRIEND) came too and brought someone else. To make sure nothing happened (and they weren't even really suspecting anything, they just wanted to have fun).
So you waited. You waited for an opportunity.
You waited for her older sisters, your apparent friends (guess you fooled them too), to go babysitting overnight so she had the cell phone.
And you texted her.
And you convinced her to sneak out again.

And then you fucked her.

Do you even REALIZE that it is statutory rape?
Obviously you didn't.

Do you realize that her father and brother want to kill you?
I don't want to kill you. I want to fucking CURBSTOMP your fucking BALLS so you can NEVER EVER EVER FUCK A LITTLE GIRL AGAIN.

She's 13. She's a baby.

I hate you. I loathe you. I wish I could hurt you.

My dad wakes up from dreams where he's strangling you. My brother drives by your house daily but restrains himself from stopping.

You have hurt my whole family.

And now your parents are writing letters (thankfully intercepted by their pastor) to my parents and posting on their Facebooks about "people looking for revenge."
It's not "revenge". They went to the police because YOUR SON RAPED THEIR DAUGHTER ffs.

Do you not understand that??

You took my baby sister's virginity in the middle of the night after she'd snuck out from her bedroom. In a shed. In a fucking shed.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

- me


I am so angry. I am SO FUCKING ANGRY.

I'm angry with my sister, too - she went. She snuck out.
And she doesn't really understand why this is so huge - when my mom tried to talk to her she told our other sister that Mom was just "trying to scare her", like it was a joke (Mom told her about a woman we know who, like my sister, was from a good loving family but snuck out, ran away, ended up on drugs and completely messed up, a prostitute in downtown Vancouver).

My parents are dealing with this legally - they've talked to the police, my sister has talked to the police. They're getting my sister counselling (this is the latest in an inexplicable downward spiral, from trying to run away "for fun" to stealing beer from a neighbor to this).

This is why I've been quiet lately. It's always in my head. It's the first thing that comes to mind when talking to TM. I'm angry and sad and my heart is broken over it.

Thanks for listening.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
no maps for these places we're lost within
Originally Registered: June 14, 2007
 
Posts: 2535 | Location: Happy Place | Registered: October 27, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Vampiric Scottie-bat trainer

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...
*HUGS* Frown
I'm at a loss for words. This is just fucked up on so many levels.



I do feel have to add (and please don't take this as an accusation) that some alarm bells went off in my head when you said you were angry at your sister.
Blaming the victim in a rape situation is something that I find terrible and damaging. Yes, she did a stupid thing when she snuck out. But she had no way of knowing what would happen. It has nothing to do with being from a "good family". He had been paying attention to her, "worked on her" as you put it, for a while before making his move. She probably felt special, particularly since he was older. She's 13 - basically a raging ball of hormones. She has all these feelings she can't explain and probably doesn't dare mention to her parents or her older siblings. She acted on impulse, as we all did when we were teenagers - and, let's be honest, still do from time to time. He betrayed her (in hindsight obviously misplaced) trust and used her in the worst way possible. She'll probably carry the (emotional) scars of his abuse all her life. Don't add guilt and blame to it. Hers was an error of judgement of someone else's character, and she doesn't have nearly enough life experience to have seen through his tricks. *He* knew full well what he was doing, and just how wrong it was. Put the blame where it belongs.
And help your sister through this. She needs to understand what happened to her, not scare stories. They won't work anyway - teenagers think they are immortal and invincible, and nothing that happend to other people doing what they do could possibly happen to them.
Talk to her calmly and with no-one else listening. Ask her why she really ran away, stole beer, snuck out. Keep asking - again, CALMLY - until you get past the decoy answers. "For fun" is not really why she did it, and you know it.

Wow, this went on longer than planned... sorry. The topic just rattles me.
 
Posts: 8222 | Location: Bärlin | Registered: October 28, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is like fusion cuisine, if Canada can be seen as having a cuisine.
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Thanks Ceri.

I haven't actually talked to my sister yet - we only talk via email due to the distance and I haven't emailed yet because I know I shouldn't be angry with her and I am working through that. Thank you for your advice and words.

She is having counselling, and she is talking to my mom and to my other sisters (who live there).
We'll all survive this - it'll be a process.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
no maps for these places we're lost within
Originally Registered: June 14, 2007
 
Posts: 2535 | Location: Happy Place | Registered: October 27, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I dunno GR. My main worry would be that your little sis is somehow scarred or hurt by having sex. Is she? Or was it unprotected sex, did she get an std or pregnant?
Beyond that, yes, it is good that your folks went to the police. But start breathing again. Your sis sounds like she's okay. That's the most important thing now.
Teach her about safe sex and that her body is her own, that she gets to decide when to say yes or no.
Because she's going to have sex again one day, and you want her to be safe and happy.
*hugs*


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I like it maybe 63 percent!
 
Posts: 15475 | Location: Bouncing round in bathrooms! | Registered: October 19, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is currently hovering somewhere near Saturn
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jeez, GR. don't even know where to start with this. i think massive *hugs* to you and your family. I'm so sorry this disgusting predator has done this. beyond words.


Limertilly: A pagan deity forgotten by man and therefore banished to the realms of memory and darkness now remembered by a young girl in downtown L.A. in the form of a dream and therefore freed to reap your revenge on the people who discarded you, thereby forcing said girl to learn to use her innate yet awesome powers as a soothsayer to gather forces of the Earth to defy you and once more banish you to your cold, cold prisoooooon

blog: http://limertillysfoodporn.wordpress.com/

My sister's band, what I am very very proud of: www.bit.ly/toodar
 
Posts: 26263 | Location: your left ear | Registered: June 28, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Oh, man, nothing but love for you and your sister right now.

And thank you for being honest about your feelings towards your sister and trusting us with them. None of us here are a stranger to feelings we know we shouldn't have, and suppressing those feelings or pretending they aren't there won't help.

Again, all the love the Dwellerhaus has to spare.


__________
AJGraeme
"Why are there ghosts in the kitchen punching each other in the balls?" - Aidan, "Being Human"
"Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried."
- G.K. Chesterton

My moderator voice is red.
 
Posts: 48708 | Location: Concord, NH, USA | Registered: July 20, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
half the man he used to be
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this is awful.

i think it might be worth your time to affirm your dad and brother for doing the right thing and not taking matters into their own hands. this is a very hard instinct for most guys to ignore but either of them going to jail for violence is not going to help your family. the fact that they recognized that is really cool and deserves praise.

so sorry this is happening Frown
 
Posts: 411 | Registered: May 11, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is like fusion cuisine, if Canada can be seen as having a cuisine.
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quote:
Originally posted by His Nodle Girl:
I dunno GR. My main worry would be that your little sis is somehow scarred or hurt by having sex. Is she? Or was it unprotected sex, did she get an std or pregnant?
Beyond that, yes, it is good that your folks went to the police. But start breathing again. Your sis sounds like she's okay. That's the most important thing now.
Teach her about safe sex and that her body is her own, that she gets to decide when to say yes or no.
Because she's going to have sex again one day, and you want her to be safe and happy.
*hugs*

My mom is taking her to the doctor to have her checked up. There was a condom involved apparently.

Thanks everyone.

My mom found out because she shares her email with my sister. Mom found an email from G's friend and thought "i haven't heard from her in a while" so she opened it... to find that it was a reply to an email G had sent.
G's email said "OMIGOD you'll never guess I'm not a virgin anymore <3 <3 <3" and went on to describe how she'd snuck out and met Creep, etc.
Her friend's reply was "OMIGOD OMIGOD I'm sew sew happy for you!!!"
13-year-old girls, here.
Anyway.
I've sent my love to G through my mom and my other sisters every time I've talked to them and I will be composing an email full of love to her soon.
Oh, she talked to the police on the 29th and now they're going to talk to the Creep.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
no maps for these places we're lost within
Originally Registered: June 14, 2007
 
Posts: 2535 | Location: Happy Place | Registered: October 27, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Has no front teeth
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*sigh*

I'm going to open my mouth here- maybe badly but I hope not.

GR, I get why you're angry at him. I also understand being angry at your sister- you all probably -should- be.

The sex was consensual. He didn't overpower her and force himself, so while he may be charged with statutory rape- may even end up having to register as a sex offender- he didn't act on his own. He may have manipulated her- happens at all ages- but judging by the email info you posted your sister just as likely used him for her own purposes.....to rebel further, to get an answer to her curiosity, to "not be a virgin any more" which is unfortunately and stupidly a status thing among the middle school set.

Sad but true.

In all this, I think her rebelliousness is more the worry and what should be addressed. If not, it will just be someone or something else. Hopefully someone will get through to her about how doing these things at a young age can mess up your life later. But I'm willing to bet it won't be your parents, because she just thinks they're trying to scare her and she's getting other reinforcement from her peers.

As far as the sex goes, it sounds like she's safe, not likely to have caught something- seriously, someone was smart enough to have a condom- and she isn't going to be traumatized by having been a helpless victim of a violent act ie: rape. Not statutory rape via consensual sex.

I'm with Nodles here- teach her about sex, safety, consequences and some basic respect for herself as a person, but I wouldn't treat sex as an End Of The World Forever Damaged thing. If you do she's just as likely to turn it into her own Holy Grail.

Facts, not exaggerating the good or the bad. I'll also bet that when she thinks about it, it was neither comfortable or fun- she was just after the "not a virgin" title.

And hurrah! It doesn't sound like she's doing the typical 13 y.o. "But I LOVE him" self-delusion. That one is a bitch to get around.

I know. I was that girl.


______________________
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went the Beezee bold as brass,
side-saddle she sat, on a big painted bat,
shooting moonbeams out of her a(censored)e.
~Joe
________________________
Isn't sanity really just a one trick pony, anyway? I mean, all you get is one trick, rational thinking! But when you're good and crazy¦ooh ooh ooh the sky's the limit!



 
Posts: 24396 | Location: With my weird little family | Registered: March 24, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is like fusion cuisine, if Canada can be seen as having a cuisine.
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quote:
Originally posted by BeeZee:
And hurrah! It doesn't sound like she's doing the typical 13 y.o. "But I LOVE him" self-delusion. That one is a bitch to get around.

I know. I was that girl.


Beez Is Wise. *hugs*

I have great confidence in my parents and in the people she has physically near her as far as teaching her about sex and not turning it an "End Of The World Forever Damaged thing". I know that everyone who knows, is treating her with the utmost love - she is surrounded by it.

I am very, very glad she's not in the "I love him" self-delusion. But oh, how much I wish that she wasn't in this situation at all.

I told my mom a few days ago that I have a crazy plan to have G come live on my couch where I can keep her safe from anything else (including her own self) hurting her.

But I know that she needs her best friends (my other younger sisters, 17 and 15) and her parents right now, and that really the best thing for me to do is to be a support for my parents, because they need someone to vent to, too.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
no maps for these places we're lost within
Originally Registered: June 14, 2007
 
Posts: 2535 | Location: Happy Place | Registered: October 27, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Dude yeah! I can't stress enough what Beez said about rebellion. Your sister emailed from a joint account fully knowing your mom might see what she wrote. She's not dumb.Part of her wanted to be busted.
Having fun sex in a shed is a fairly benign way to achieve rebellion IMO. Running away and drinking is worse. If nothing changes she'll endanger herself trying to get away from parental mores.
In that sense, counselling was a good idea, but not only for her. It's not like there's something inexplicably wrong with her, it's that there's something going off kilter with the whole parent-daughter system. And it sounds like you are quite happy with the way your parents raised you but that soesn't mean it's what works for your sis.


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I like it maybe 63 percent!
 
Posts: 15475 | Location: Bouncing round in bathrooms! | Registered: October 19, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Dane Cook's Final Horcrux
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I'd have to second what everyone said above - particularly Beez.

Putting the anger at the lad to one side for the moment, having sex at an early age isn't the best idea anyone ever had, but it certainly doesn't need to ruin her life or future relationships. It was statutory rape, but as said above, it's not the same emotionally as a forced rape.

I think what your mum said to her *was* trying to scare her, at least in the context we've heard it, so I'm not surprised that's how she reacted. Telling her that someone else got into drugs isn't relevant to her unless that something she's thinking about or in danger of doing. To draw the connection from her having sex one time to that will seem ridiculous to her, and would to me.

Counselling's probably not a bad idea as there seem to be other issues at play, but it needs to not be that she's being 'fixed' so she becomes like the other 'good' children. It needs to be so she has someone to talk to about stuff, as she's obviously not able or willing to share everything with her family.

I think you also need to look at how accepting the family would be of her making decisions to do things outside their own moral codes. Would they have been accepting had she decided to have a sexual relationship at 16 (I'm assuming that's the legal age), or would it have been a similar reaction to this? How much of the reaction is to do with her being under age and apparently manipulated, and how much that you believe what she's done is morally wrong. I'm not making judgements either way (and obviously at this age she's too young to decide to be in a relationship like that, at least as far as the law goes), but if she doesn't want to live her life the same way that you and your parents do, then trying to force it on her will be very ugly indeed. That sort of thing never ends well.

As I imagine is happening, she needs to be told, and as far as possible made to understand, the reasons you are all horrified and upset - the physical and emotional risks of sex, as well as sneaking out of the house - that it's not that she's done something 'naughty', there are real reasons why you are concerned.



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I'm thinking that a lot of my internal conflict and malaise comes from the tension between the life I ACTUALLY want to live, and the stories I'd love to be able to tell? - T-Rex, qwantz.com
 
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