Thanks, all.

Yes, Waspy, caving in to ex's persuasion would be a terrible idea. It's not so much that he's an intrinsically bad person - although he has behaved really extraordinarily badly - but he is really, really fucked up, and resuming any kind of relationship with him would be horribly damaging all round. He needs to get help, and get himself sorted out, before he's fit company for anyone else, too. I have actually tried to help him as much as I can - but I realised that I Can't Fix Him, he has to do it himself. And he does need to do it - for the sake of his son if not for himself.

I think you're completely right, and also it may do your ex good to realise that he can't persuade you.This may make him realise what he's already lost(his relationship with you) and maybe what he stands to lose (his relationship with your son).

Gah - I've ended up totally bitter and cynical about relationships, and with more emotional baggage than a carousel at Terminal Four. This is not who I thought I would be. And, of course, this is who I cannot let my son see.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Hive,

hmm, I'm not sure anyone ends up as the person they meant to be, and sometimes that's agood thing. Also, (and I apologise if I don't put this well) your son might sense that you are hiding part of yourself and wonder why - even if you think it's best for him.

Yeah, I know. I just don't want to pass on my total lack of trust to him. I want him to believe that it is possible to have trust in a relationship, when the time comes, a long way down the road, for it to be relevant to him. (Hell, I'd like to believe that myself.)

*massively hugs hive*
sounds like you're having a pretty bad time of it at the moment. you can rant here all you like though, especially if it will help you be happy and smiley around your little boy. and it sounds like you're pretty switched on about not caving in to pressure from the ex. i hope things work out.
*more hugs*

Thanks, fion.

Eh, you know...all parents pass on issues to their kids. You can't avoid that.
But also, if things are basically good between you, then your son's going to be strong enough to make up his own mind about the world, eventually. He'll have his own triumphs and his own hang ups. And you can be honest to him about having your issues to work through. Don't be too worried about that, okay?

Also, *hugs*. You're very sensible.

Thanks, BtB.

I don't really know if this is the right place to post this, but if I don't say it somewhere I'll probably explode and I can't really tell anyone at home.

today, right at this second (and I hope to god it will pass), I don't want to go round the world. I don't want to have spent 8 months living away from my friends and missing out on their company just to save up to spend 6 1/2 months even further away from them. I don't want to go on my own. I don't have any clue what I'm going to do when I get out there, not knowing anyone or anything. I don't think i'm going to make any friends. I'm scared.

*hugs*

*hugs Fion* I don't think you've ever been the only person who gets cold feet on the start of a big adventure Fion. I can only sympathise, it's bound to look terrifying, so many unknowns, so much to see and plan for, and take precautions against, and a lot which you can't predict and prey doesn't happen.

But take it one day at a time, that's the best way. It makes it that bit more manageable, just get from waking up to falling asleep and enjoy the time in between. If you don't go you'd regret it forever.

*hugs*
I've heard that from so many people. But in the end they all said it was worth it.
I think you'll grow a lot at the challenge. And that it will be something you will remember gladly all your life. And that you will be excited and *enjoy* it too, even if there are scary times.
It's normal to get scared.

Also, I think you should start a thread about the Travelling Blues at WE, because there's probably quite a few people who could contribute, like Silly Punk and Hal and Lady Jasmine.

thanks guys, you made me all weepy (in a good way!) whatever happens, i won't not go, not after all this planning and expenditure. it's just that until this weekend it's seemed like a wonderful pipe dream and suddenly it's real, and very close. and i just feel that i've got more friends at the moment than i've ever had in my life, and going away and leaving them just seems insane. but i'm sure they'll be there when i get back. and although i like being independant, and doing things by myself, i'm very not good at being alone-it terrifies me, and i can just see myself not meeting anyone and having an awful time (which i'm sure won't happen really)
but as i said, i'm not going to not go, so all the moaning is a bit academic. it just hadn't really sunk in until now what a big step it was.
thanks again *hugs back*

There'll be internet cafes

Yeah, what DM said - we'll be here!

I can totally understand your trepidation, but this is 2007 - if you do find you really, really hate it, wherever in the world you are, you can book a flight and be home within 48 hours.

*hides under blankets*

*curls up into fetal position*

*squinches eyes shut*

I am seriously considering quitting my job now instead of in August when school starts. I'll sit down with my budget tonight at home. I really need this health insurance right now, though, at least until I can get it through school.

*wonders if anyone will hire me to work May, June and July*

It's mind-boggling that 12 years here can reach this unbearable point.

*hugs you in warm blanket*

*makes you cocoa*

(Cocoa helps, sometimes.)

Oh, Weebs.

*hugs*

*hugs weeble* i hope you get things sorted out. i don't know about where you are, but over here temping agencies are pretty good at finding short term work. it almost certainly wouldn't come with health insurance tho.