To my Co-Worker.

I do things. I am a human being who moves around, who visits the bathroom, who occassionlly steps outside to chat with another co-worker.

What I do is:

a) none of your business. So when I'm clicking minimize on a window on my monitor, that isn't an invitation for you to ask me what I was looking at or to say "it's okay, you don't have to hide what you're doing...I won't tell on ya. Heh-heh." Or if I stand up to stretch my legs and yawn after sitting for hours on end, please don't proclaim "Oop...someone's got the 3:00 sleepies!"

b) needs no comment. Especially the not same hackneyed comments like (when I am returning from being outside) "cold enough for ya?" or "I bet it's nice and warm out there, huh? heh-heh..."

My life is not a reality show for your amusement, so please, just leave me the fuck alone. If you are really that bored and longing for human contact, perhaps you should express a genuine interest in who I am instead of making a joke out of everything that I do.

quote:

Originally posted by silly syrupy punk:
people in the express checkout with more than 15 items.

People who come to the cigarette and lottery tills, with items to be weighed, despite the fact that we have a freakin' HUGE sign that says "We cannot weigh items at this till"

People who have more than 5 items at the "5 items or less til" and people who try to take a TROLLEY through the 10 items or less till.

People who come in at 9.30, when we close at ten, and then take 27 minutes to load their trolley with 2 weeks worth of shopping, then, instead of bringing it to the till when we say that the store will be closing shortly, waiting until there is an announcement taht the store is closed. Then getting annoyed at the fact that we're chatting to fellow staff members and that we don't offer to pack, so that we have the faintest hope of getting all the shopping through the till before it gets to 10.10 and we want to start clearing up so we can leave on time.

Please people PLEASE when the store closes at 5 DO NOT SLIDE IN THE DOOR AT THREE MINUTES TO!! I know this is Christmas, I know you're all busy, but for goddess sake remember that CLERKS ARE PEOPLE!!

We're tired, we've been on our feet dealing with insane crowds all day... plus trying to keep up with regular cashier duties and trying to keep the store from looking like a bomb went off, training the new clerks and trying to keep them from feeling horrible for overloading us and in some cases there's only one of us there...so don't take your time looking for that last Christmas card..if you wanted it you can come back tomorrow or DAMMIT COME EARLIER!!

And when the clerk finally gives into her frazzled state, picks up the pager and says politely over the intercom that "it is five o'clock and the store is now closed, please bring all purchases to the front till"{ DON'T IGNORE HER AND KEEP SHOPPING FOR FIFETEEN MORE FREAKING MINUTES!!

CLOSING IS CLOSING PEOPLE. I don't care if you have to send your last christmas present to your cousin in Timbuktu, have some respect and respect the hours of the store and get your ass out early enough that you can get out on time..

And to our elderly customers, you're all very sweet, I'd love to help you in any way i can. Honest. But PLEASE if it's the busiest season of the year and you KNOW there are people behind you please make some effort to have your money/credit cards/loyality cards ready! Don't make me count your change out of your wallet for you - and for the record one wallet is enough you don't need one for every type of coin you carry....

And parents: PLEASE keep your kids under control, we're running on a knife's edge and a few asprin this time of year, not only does it break my heart to hear a child cry but this time of year it also breaks my head and my sanity...

Amen to that, Lady Jasmine and Tigerlime.

And in that spirit:
YOU STUPID DUMB FUCK OF A CASHIER!
By now you've learned my name. Great. That doesn't mean you need to page me for everything. If you have a return, there's a Front End Supervisor. If somebody has a question about Christmas items, there's at any given time at least one person in the SEASONAL Department. If somebody wishes to speak to the manager, they mean the Store Manager. Not me. Let me do my work. All the other cashiers do it, why is it so hard for you. Oh, and when I'm reading my book on my lunch break, if I only answer with short, terse, one-word sentences, it's because I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU! I don't need your stupid conversation, go back to watching Judge Whatever on the goddamn TV. No, I'm NOT watching it. I'm READING MY BOOK. I have no interest in discussing the program, or anything else that you feeble mind could possibly come up with.

This is 55-ish woman, who thought I was being mean to her when I said we couldn't hire her son just because he's a guy. Breakroom conversation:
her: "So what do men do in this store?"
other worker: "He (St.CountZero) is a Department Manager, some are Seasonal, but most work in the Frame Shop".
her: "So are there openings in there for a man?"
me: "No. When there are openings, it's for whoever's qualified and interviews well. It's illegal to discriminate".
*points at large Anti-Discrimination Law poster on the wall*
her: "But my son is looking for a job, so what department can he work for?"
me: "It's against the law to hire somebody based on gender, the Store Manager can't and won't do it".
her: *mumbles something inaudible but probably deprecatory*

Ah, Cashiers that just don't get it. That's a rant in and of itself...

Oh, and cashiers that having the *privledge* of setting their own breaks, don't ever BOTHER to make sure that no one else is on break before they go (the rest of us are all scheduled so we don't run into each other, just cosmetics and post office [the PO is SUPER careful though] are free to do their own) and so seem to always leave the front till with NO BACK UP....

ok. also, sparked by that, when i'm bored, i'll try REALLY hard not to look openly bored. but going on and on and on about the same subject for 15 minutes, when i'm blatantly, by the end, just going yuh huh and mmmm and yeah? because i'm bored, you should be able to NOTICE this and SHUT THE FUCK UP!

aaah yes, cashiers going on breaks unexpectedly, or randomly leaving their register to go do whatever the hell it is they do...

since we're ranting about retail: at Michaels there's a position called Event Coordinator. She does demo's, classroom activities, coordinates with teachers, makes samples, etc. It's a 20-hrs a week job. But she keeps telling people what to do, it's driving me nuts. And because she's older, a lot of the kids (say, 17-yr-old cashiers) don't know better or don't dare discuss what she says.

So the other day she called me complaining of a leak in the roof near her classroom.
Me: "XYZ is on it".
her: "Not right now she's not, she's on the register. You need to do something about it".

Because you're so much better than the rest of us, you can't even mpo the fucking floor, but I should?

And this. I tell sales floor people to start cleaning when we get close to closing time, then I find one wandering around doing something else entirely. I ask her what she's doing, she tells me the E.C. told her she needed some items and to get them for her.

YOU'RE NOBODY IN THIS STORE! I'm the Manager on Duty, I tell people what to do, you have no right to take them away from tasks I assigned them so you don't have to move your lazy ass off your fucking classroom!

If she does it again, I'm going to tell her that, too. MAybe with less cussing.

To the idiot in the car in front of me:

I understand as the law now stands you have the right to pollute your lungs and body with cigarettes in your car. What I don't understand is why you must be a moron and throw your freaking cigarette out he window when you are finished. Were you not intelligent enough to but a car with an ashtray? Why must you compound a stupid and unhealthy habit with this asinine behavior? Next time I see you do this at a stop sign I am going to get out of my car and throw that fucking cigarette right back at you. Keep your filthy trash to yourself.

move to California! Throwing a cigrette out the car window is illegal! (but, ummm, everyone still does it...)

To my (ex) Co-worker:

I know you are upset beause you got fired in the middle of our meeting yesterday. you were planning on leaving anyway, so I don't understand why you are THAT upset. Especially when our boss was obviously getting more and more amd at you and you kept pushing an issue that really should hva been discussed privately instead of taking up our valuable time.

But hey, we're friends. And as a friend, I was giving you time to decompress and would have called you after work tonight on my cell phone so you could vent your anger/stress--even if I have some reservations on how you went about things.

So why...WHY would you call me on my work extension first thing in the morning to comiserate? Did you really think that was good idea? Did you think that maybe I would be uncomfortable talking with you about the failings of our boss while sitting at my desk, while I'm supposed to be working? After all this time, did you forget that I am not a person who enjoys office drama? And when I told you "well, why don't I give you a call after work, because this isn't the best time for me to be talking" why did you not shut up? Why did you not drop the issue? Is this a new disorder you have recently acquired--losing the capacity to understand appropriateness?

When someone tells you to drop an issue...drop it. It doesn't mean forget about it, it doesn't mean apologize or resign yourself. It means "shut up before you get yourself and others into trouble." It means you aren't communicating effectively currently, and you need some time to re-think your stretegy. Just...DROP IT.

For the old folk again

1.For the love of god, you’re fooling no one! We ALL know that when the bus driver stops and opens the door, and you lean in and yell in an over-played helpless tone “IS IT 9:00 YET?” that you know damn well it isn’t 9:00 yet! It’s not even 8:30! Who you trying to kid! Your OAP bus passes give you FREE TRAVEL! And stipulate that they don’t start till 9:00! YOU HAVE ALL DAY TO GET ON THE BUS! So why bother standing in the cold and trying to get on a bus before you should, and then get all angry when the bus driver says “No, that doesn’t start till 9:00.” Then complain that you’ve been standing there for ages! Piss of back home then!

2.Old people I talk to at work. YOU ARE GETTING A FREE MOBILITY SCOOTER. What part of that do you not understand? Why do you feel the need to think you are the most important person on our books? We work on a first come first served basis. We offer an aftercare service you won’t get if you get your scooter from a normal shop.

Yet you still have to complain! Do you really think that saying “But I’m 82 and can't walk very far,” is going to make us move you though any faster? NO! Because the guy before you is 95 and has NO LEGS!

We tell you repeatedly that we are not a break-down service, you do not listen. You complain that you are now no longer to get out of the house as your scooter isn’t working. Yet, when we try to book for an appointment to come round, you’re not bloody there!

And, by the way, we shall call you Mrs. X. You can fuck right off. You think you’re so high and mighty, you’ve done nothing but complain about how the £6000 wheelchair we’ve supplied for you, that you haven’t paid for, isn’t working. Yet, when our engineer comes round to fix it, it’s covered in your piss. Why don’t you sort out getting better homecare first! Then you won’t be sitting in your own filth and getting sores, and blaming it on our “Neglect and appalling service.” Your wheelchair is fine, and it always has been.

Snot-faced kids of North London

3.How dare you get angry and abusive when you’ve tried to get on the bus for free and someone for once has the decency to stand up to you. You may be allowed to trample all over your weak-willed parents and teachers, but not everyone’s going to put up with your shit. I hope that one day your arrogance gets you into trouble and you realise what selfish shits you really are.

4.The same goes to the guy who shot the bouncer in my local club. You tried to get in for free, it didn’t work obviously. So you return and shoot the bouncer in the head. Oh, how very adult. My entire liberal attitude goes out the window for you, and I hope someone shoots you in the head when you try to stand up for something next. You are worthless.

Dear people going shopping

FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST STOP TAKING UP ALL THE ROOM IN THE ISLE AND THEN SUDDENLY COME TO A HALT!!!!!!

And you wonder why people constantly push past you muttering obscenities under their breath.

Like you Clare

*soothing hugs for his sweetheart*

Awwww....

*vomits*

quote:

Originally posted by St.Barbarella:
Dear people going shopping

FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST STOP TAKING UP ALL THE ROOM IN THE ISLE AND THEN SUDDENLY COME TO A HALT!!!!!!

Also, it is not a fucking good idea to stop right at the end of the escalator. Ok, maybe we should go to basics here: the difference between a regular staircase and an escalator is that it move, so people don't have to make any effort.
let me repeat that: an escalator IS FUCKING MOVING!! And no, it is not moving for you only, you fucking self-centered people, and then it stops after you get off (for what is the point in moving once Your Royal Fucking Highness has stepped off?) as your behaviour seems to indicate. If you need to stop or just met someone, MOVE TO THE FUCKING SIDE!! don't bloody stand there chatting happily while everyone else has to quickly figure out a way of getting off the goddman thing, and DON'T FUCKING LOOK ANNOYED IF SAID PEOPLE BUMP INTO YOU COZ THEY CAN'T MAGICALLY APPEAR ON THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUR STUPID RETARDED SELF!!!

To homeless people who beg beside ATMs(*):
It is bad enough that you try to make people give you money by making them feel guilty begging beside ATMs or the supermarket. At the risk of appearing selfish and unsympathetic, i'm sorry but it is not my fault that you find yourself in this position and also there's this suspicion that you're just too lazy and/or weak to deal with real life. I do not HAVE to give you anything, even if I had anything to give out. But, most of all, I don't want to talk to you. I don't talk to random people on the street, and I certainly don't welcome ANYONE who talked to me while I'm withdrawing money from my bank account on the street. It is an ivasion of privacy, for starters, and secondly, I just don't like talking to peopl I don't know, I'm fucking weird like that. So if I don't welcome your "Are you having a nce nght sweethearrt?" don't fucking repeat the question agian and again! I don't want to answer and, more impotantly, you don't fucking care either! Don't give me that shit that I'm selfish and not caring, you're just asking me so I feel bad and give you money (whih I know what you're spending on by the state fo your teeth and personal hygiene, btw).
So, fuck off.


(*)I'm talking a very particular kind of homeless people here. Homeless people and poor people who beg or live on the streets I don't mind, but there's thi particular type of folk that treat you like you owe them stuff.

To people who work at Argos

Ok, so I'm shopping at Argos, I should expect some form of retribution.

However, it makes no fucking sense that you should be so moronic and slow and stupid!

My ticket number has been called, my item I can clearly see on the shelf behind you! I can reach out and touch it! But NO! Tell me now why five of you have to stand behind the shelves, where we can still bloody see you because they’re not shelves with backs on them, and stand talking and giggling. And the only two people left still have to stand yelling ticket numbers for people who are obviously not there!!

“Number 234? Number 234? A Phillips cordless drill? Anyone order a Phillips cordless drill? Number 234?”

THEY ARE NOT THERE?!!! MY ITEM IS RIGHT THERE NEXT TO YOU!!! I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE!!!

Dear ‘Heat’, ‘Closer’ and other such celebrity trash magazines,

What’s with you people!

First it’s “LOOK AT ALL THESE FAT CELEBS!”

Then it’s:

“LOOK AT ALL THESE STICK-THIN CELEBS!”

Then it’s:

“LOOK AT ALL THESE FAT CELEBS” again

and worst of all

“SEE WHO YOU COMPARE WITH!”

Face it, you have nothing to say so you spend all your time making up shit about z-list celebrity’s and their boring lives. Most of you are probably 5x the size of these people in the first place, meaning you are of NORMAL weight or bigger, like the rest of us. Stop turning every impressionable teenage girl into a dieting anorexic mess because you have nothing to worthwhile to contribute to the written word other then how someone from ‘Eastenders’ hangs slightly over her trousers.

quote:

Originally posted by Right Honourable Sir Dark Mark KCMG, PC:
Like you Clare

Yes, just like me!

Bunch of fuckwits, getting in my way, not looking where they're going and giving me a funny look when they bang into my shopping basket!

And you small children! Running backwards and screaming everywhere, not looking where you're going because your parents are just useless and can't control you.
Yeah! You go and cry because I've 'accidently' hit you over the head with my shopping basket. Serves you right, I'm not going to get out of your way you little runt!

God I hate food-shopping.

Ok, so this woman is shopping tonight at Michaels, she ignores all "we're closing" announcements, until we break down and say "all registers will be closed in 2 minutes", at which point she brings an overflowing cart to the register, and declares she has to go through it all and decide what she wants. If you weren't sure that you wanted it, don't put it in your cart, and if you know it's going to take forever at checkout, don't wait until the last minute, and make us stay extra to put all your junk away. Asshole.