"Guys"

Doesn't matter what age...

Two summers ago, I worked on a god-awful movie called "The Cougar Club" which was inspired by a real Club here in L.A.

We had all sorts of lovely women, from 30's to 80's, but then they had to make fun of them and put them in "the time that they were hot and stayed that way" mode (which meant period styling). All the guys were in their early 20's and I didn't believe for a second that any of these guys were hot for the mamas.

It was fun doing a lot of 60's -70's makeup tho.

I've just googled that, pkitty. Carrie Fisher!

So here's my take on things.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Cougars happen.

I was standing in front of the beer cooler at the grocery, lost in thought, debating the merits of Harpoon over Samuel Adam’s IPA.

Beside me a Euro-accented female voice said “I can never decide which one to buy?”

Beside me was a smiling woman of a ‘certain age’: very white teeth with a bit of gum recession, silvery-blond ‘Hillary Clinton-esque’ hair leaving no clue to its original color, light make-up barely covering lines on the corners of the eyes and mouth. The skin above her upper lip was starting to develop vertical creases.

I checked the neck. Definitely she was ‘of a certain age’. (You always have to check the neck and hands.)

From the neck-down she’s dressed in American after Aerobics-ware. An impressive Euro-bosom is held in place by an industrial strength sports bra under an overly large white Tee. Back in their gravity defying days, they must have been awesome to behold. The stealthing effects of black lycra obscured the geography below the waist, but she’s had narrow hips. She had skinny ankles and very white, new trainers.

“There are so many choices.” I said.

“I don’t like all the American beers. They are not like what we drank at home.” She said.

I tried homing in on the accent, German, maybe, Mittal-Europa certainly.

“Americans like drinking thin, pils, and fruity alco-pops. Some of the microbrewed ales are'nt bad.”

She reached over and grabbed a rack of Pilsner Urquell. “I’m Czech. This is what we used to drink at home. It is so funny that in America, you can be 18-years old and get married, but you can’t buy beer to drink.”

“It is because beer isn’t food here like it is in the old country.”

“Yes. When I was a child, my father gave us a little glass of beer with supper. We never got drunk.” She said placing her left hand on my arm. No wedding ring.

“Beer is liquid bread.” I said looking into eyes. Gray-green.

“My father would have agreed with you.” She took her hand off my arm, turned and left.

Whew.

…

Later in the vegetable section, I was debating the merits of plum tomatoes over organically grown beefsteak tomatoes. (I always think a lot about the food choice in the grocery store.)

“Which one are we not supposed to eat?” said a familiar voice beside me.

“It’s the jalapeños and Serrano peppers with the salmonella.”

“That’s good. I like tomatoes.”

“I like tomatoes too.” I said, and took a moment to checkout her shopping trolly.

You are what you eat. She’s got a small, health conscious, single-women’s, load of food, except for the Pilsner Urquell. Yoghurt, vegetables, fibrous cereal, 2% milk, imported fruit preserves, smoked salmon, dental floss, and cat food.

“You know a lot about food. My name is Katya.” She said and extended a narrow hand. The skin on the back of her hand was thin, allowing the bones and veins to show through. Her palm was slightly moist.

My neck and hands guess was a well preserved 50.

“You are what you eat. I’m Black Jacque. Try the plum tomatoes. They’re meatier, keep better, and taste just as good” I said as I shook her hand.

First handshakes are very important. I did not let go too fast, but I didn't hang on like I wasn't going to give it back either.

We each took a package of shrink wrapped plum tomatoes and strolled toward the check-out counters. We got into the same queue. Being a gentleman I let her go ahead of me.

We made small talk. She said I wasn’t American. I agreed. She said American men talk too loudly. I agreed. She said American men are childish. I agreed. I’m a very agreeable fellow.

Eventually, it was time for a perky teenage girl to make a rote greeting and inquiry about ‘Katya's shopping experience’ and paper or plastic? Katya’s groceries were quickly passed beneath the scanner. She paid with a cheque, writing it out with a silver and black Mont Blanc pen taken from a stylish small purse while I stood behind her pretending to be not terribly interested. When she received her receipt, she wrote on the back of it, turned to me and pressed the paper into my hand.

“Call me on Sunday.” She then turned and left the store with a brisk, business-like pace and her groceries in hand.

I watched her go. I looked at the teenager. She looked at me. (She’s been watching the whole thing.) I unfolded and looked at the paper in my hand. It’s a local telephone number. I chuckled nervously.

“What to you think?” I said trying desperately trying to break the moment.

“I think she’s old enough to be my grandma, and you’re almost old enough to be my Dad.”

Teenagers are too smart.

I told her I wanted a paper bag.

quote:

Originally posted by Black Jacque:
Cougars happen.

People happen, Black Jacque. Some are bolder than others. You might be younger than her, but you have no idea who else she hits on. Why is this even an issue?

I'm trying to figure out how the term "cougar" is demonizing meaning, how is the word itself a demonizing word like "slut" or "clam-pouch."

I think of cougars, I think of a largeish North American cat that's pretty much at the top of it's food chain. They're powerful, strong, agile, efficient hunters and well-respected in all of the native oral traditions I'm familiar with. I'll grant that the idea of needing to have a label for women who do the same thing that older men do without being labelled is offensive, but there seems to be some issue with the label itself that I just don't get. I mean, if they were "turkey-necks" or "rock grouse," I'd get it.

quote:

Originally posted by Dweller in Darkness:

I think of cougars, I think of a largeish North American cat that's pretty much at the top of it's food chain. They're powerful, strong, agile, efficient hunters and well-respected in all of the native oral traditions I'm familiar with.

Me too. It strikes me as being a weird way to be somewhat derogatory.

*hides her turkey neck*

Rock grouse? Wha?

I assumed "cougar" had to do with the predatory nature of the beast. That, and its ability to blend into the background if necessary.

I just think "lithe and muscular and can eat you up".

Clearly I (once again) don't have the proper attitude.

*rereads*

Wait, maybe I do....

I think the thing that bothers me about Black Jacque's story is that it seemed to say that the most interesting thing about Black Jacque is that he was young(er) and the most interesting thing about the woman who hit on him was that she was old(er).

Now, age may indeed be the primary thing for some people - men and women - but what about those people for whom age is just one factor amongst many?

Although it's true that one reason why I baulk at broad labelling like this is possibly because I don't appear to have a "type" - not age, gender, sexuality, colour, culture, body type or almost anything else. (This wasn't deliberate: I just look at my past relationships and struggle to find a common factor.)

I don't get the idea that this somehow demonizes women, when men who go for younger girls get called creepy and perverts, and as soon as there's a certain age difference they're practically labelled a sex offender. Sure, some people might get a little weirded out when they get hit on by someone old enough to be their mother, but have you seen the amount of MILF porn? There's a hell of a demand for the 'older woman'. Besides, 'cougar' is a much kinder term than 'lecher' or 'creep'.

quote:

Originally posted by Syme:
creepy and perverts...practically labelled a sex offender...lecher

there's also goat and cradle-robber, off the top of my head. horndog. dirty old man.

this is not a "eee! the bad mens are labelling women!" issue in my head. it's just that we're possibly more accustomed to the older-guy situation, having been forced by the media to be aware of Hugh Hefner for how long now?

and, like Dweller said, I'd be very much inclined to take "cougar" as a compliment, myself.

I was discussing Cougar-dom with a mate. He wanted a better definition of when you might be considered 'cOugar-bait'. Several pints later we decided on the formula: 2*lads age + 6; its a cougar. For example, a 60 year old woman with a 27 year old man is a cougar scenario.

Admittedly, this is a very conservative algorithm.

My friends and I were thinking something very similar, but without the "+ 6". We decided that if she's twice his age or more, she's a cougar.

Found on the tv/film/radio section of Craigslist:

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/tfr/771230453.html

*cough hack wheeze*

Pkitty, is craigslist often used for that sort of thing in LA?

Yup. I think it's unique to the area. All sorts of interesting casting calls on it. Especially for reality shows.

"Needed: six ex-Romanian citizens (lefties only) w/prior experience as welders, male, aged 21-35. Must supply own fishing nets for exciting new reality show!"