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Unsent Correspondence, Letter you may or may not send, Part 3
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Companion to owls
Member
Picture of cloverheart
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Dear Brain,

Please stop the endless guessingm planning, figuring out, imagining, panicking, etc. I have another date-unless-it-isn't with the Dancing Boy, and my stomach is upside down enough as it is without your adding of 'what if' scenarios and 'how tos' so-called strategies.

Just ignore that bit until we get there, OK?

Sincerely,
Me


Dear People Who Date Regularly,

How can you BEAR it? It's exhausting!

Admiringly,
Me


 
Posts: 11802 | Location: home? | Registered: June 19, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is currently hovering somewhere near Saturn
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Picture of Limertilly
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mother dear

i do not know what the fuck is wrong with you tonight - 30 seconds ago you were in a perfectly good mood, telling me once again (for the 9th time, no exaggeration, in 4 days) how much you don't like Adele's voice. Yes. I know you don't like her voice. if you'd asked me whether i thought you liked her voice or not, by now i would know to have answered "no. you do not like her voice. even a little bit". but when *i* point out that the music you were listening to earlier when we sat down to dinner was really NOT my thing and that i'd prefer not to have it on again if i'm around (specially not loudly), you suddenly fly off the handle and tell me that you KNOW that i don't like it and i've made myself perfectly clear.

Next time you tell me you don't like Adele's voice, *i* am going to shout at *you*.

this is your only warning.

now fucking grow up, ok?

no love lost, tonight, from me


Limertilly: A pagan deity forgotten by man and therefore banished to the realms of memory and darkness now remembered by a young girl in downtown L.A. in the form of a dream and therefore freed to reap your revenge on the people who discarded you, thereby forcing said girl to learn to use her innate yet awesome powers as a soothsayer to gather forces of the Earth to defy you and once more banish you to your cold, cold prisoooooon

blog: http://limertillysfoodporn.wordpress.com/

My sister's band, what I am very very proud of: www.bit.ly/toodar
 
Posts: 26263 | Location: your left ear | Registered: June 28, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is tired of these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane
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Picture of general punk, MA
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Dear Graduation photo place,

those were horrible, what happened to giving some proofs so i can choose a pose where i don't look like a smarmy, half asleep potato?

I'd like my money back.

Cheers,

me


High Ranking Official of the Realm of Unproductivity and Procrastination,
Dean of the UUP, First Class member of the order of the Pineapple.
-scruffy ambulating reanimated hypothetical vegetarian leigonairre of the undead. ~ Cav
-Look, I've got a cape and a tendency towards violence. It does not make me a superhero! ~ Domitella
-The key thing to remember about historians is that we are entirely capable of being objective, empirical and batshit crazy. ~ Dr. Marvinmarymac
 
Posts: 29254 | Location: Somewhereshire | Registered: January 05, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
lives deliberately
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Picture of Alaura
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Dear Maternity clothing makers,

I) It's not the best idea to place an annoying, itchy plasticky paper tag on the interior of shirts right around the waistline..even if it's NOT intended for pregnant women.
a) But when you clothing IS intended for pregnant women, not only is it a bad idea because
i) stretching skin is already itchy to begin with without having an irritant adding to the discomfort, but also
ii) when a pregnant woman goes to rip said irritant out of her clothing, it is quite dismaying to discover that the laundry instructions are printed on this tag, thus making it irremovable. The outcome is undesirable because
iii) you have an irritated, itchy, hormonal pregnant woman fidgeting uncomfortably at her desk, contemplating removing the tag anyway but knowing that her pregnancy brain will cause her to put the $40.00 shirt that should dry cleaned in with the cottons.

II) The belly band, while upon first impression sounds like a great idea (you wear a wide elasticky band around your midsection over your non-maternity pants, keeping them up around your waist without having to keep your pants buttoned), it is, frankly, stupid when put into practice. Because,
a) lets be honest...the pregnant woman may not *appear* to walking around with her pants undone like a drunken uncle post-Thanksgiving Dinner, but she knows that she is, and
i) that doesn't make her feel pretty.
b) since when have women ever been able to wear elastic bands without having them roll down on them? And since these control tops don't have a handy pair of panty hose legs to anchor the bottom part down, at the end of the day you end up with a belly band rolled up under your breasts so you look like the Michelin Man.
c) $16.00 for a a peice of elastic I could have made myself by cutting the control top off the top of an old pair of L'Eggs? Please.


Ferreal,

Al


ego forceps ergo ego forceps


****
"Chives?"�
"Yes, m'lud?"�
"Is that Ms Ephemera hovering over the croquet lawn?"�
"Indeed m'lud. She's marshalled all the haggle-dans. Missy-twigs and vale-nymphs from Claypole Woods. Apparently she intends to tear this house down and dance on the ruins."�
"Well, Chives, you'd better start the car, what? And pack my tennis things too"�
--- Joe 3Heads
 
Posts: 11426 | Location: In a perpetual state of Ohio | Registered: December 02, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
The Doughmaster
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Picture of TheatreGeek
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Dear Winter,

What. The. Fuck? Seriously, you were supposed to be gone a month ago, and yet there is snow on the ground and more coming down. Why do you continue to torment me? For the love of all that's holy, just give up the ghost and let Spring take over! You must be tired of hanging around by now.

No love,
~Me


~ Non-Mod-Amy, aka Amy of the Lost Ark

You are a Bookholder. To prompt, or...LINE! (not to prompt) --not to prompt. That is the question. Whether t'is nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of a bad memory, or to take arms against a sea of textual deviations, and...LINE! (by opposing) --by opposing them...LINE! (end) --end...LINE! (them) --end them...LINE! (to prompt, to correct; no more; and by a correction to say we end the heart-ache of a really terrible performance) You didn't have to give me the whole thing! I know it!
 
Posts: 11747 | Location: Michigan | Registered: August 15, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Starving artist doctor - well, not starving, but if you happen to have an extra biscuit lying around . . .
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Picture of Causa Varmilly
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Dear TV Licensing,

If you want to be dicks, be dicks. Do not be surprised when I phone up and bitch and point out that should anyone arrive at my door the police will be called first and questions asked later.

Also, provide a monthly payment option that is actually a month by month payment option. Anything else I pay for in advance I get to pick what's coming. The BBC does not bend to my desires, they don't get my money in advance.

Kindly fuck off or at least develop some kind of deference to those from whom you wish to extort money.


------------------------------
You are a Leprechaun. I'm not even sure what you are. Whiskey-soaked reports from your baffling Isle of Ire raise more questions than they answer. Are you a dwarf? Where's your pickax? If you're an elf, why don't you cobble? You'd think with all your gold, you could invest in some land, perhaps a title, and improve your station. Instead, you hide it in meteorologically-determined locations. You're getting killed on inflation, little friend!
 
Posts: 9036 | Location: Belfast, NI | Registered: April 16, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is currently hovering somewhere near Saturn
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Picture of Limertilly
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dear nice interviewing lady at the company i shall shortly be working for

thank you very much for liking my answers, even though i had no idea at the time whether they were what you were looking for or not. particularly thank you for offering me an extra 3.5% on top of the amount I was asking for. i wouldn't have asked for 15k, because i'm aware that having been unemployed for a while, putting me in at halfway up the scale for the post might not have been appropriate. but i am NOT complaining about it. Big Grin

thank you again
Me


Limertilly: A pagan deity forgotten by man and therefore banished to the realms of memory and darkness now remembered by a young girl in downtown L.A. in the form of a dream and therefore freed to reap your revenge on the people who discarded you, thereby forcing said girl to learn to use her innate yet awesome powers as a soothsayer to gather forces of the Earth to defy you and once more banish you to your cold, cold prisoooooon

blog: http://limertillysfoodporn.wordpress.com/

My sister's band, what I am very very proud of: www.bit.ly/toodar
 
Posts: 26263 | Location: your left ear | Registered: June 28, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Scourge of the Lower East Side
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Picture of Nel Gurgle
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Mom,

When you invited me to come over for Easter Dinner I thought it nice. When you offered to pick up a nice meat to cook I offered to bring sides, it was still nice.

When you call me yesterday and tell me you have no money to buy anything or go out, I called back and offered what I had in my pantry as some possible solutions. You said you were going to check your freezer and see what you had and let me know so I could coordinate what I would bring.

I call today at 4:30 to see what you found in the freezer so I could swing by the store on my way home if I needed to.

You said you hadn't checked yet. OK.

You are home, have been for a few hours, I don't leave work for another 30 minutes. Lots of time to take a look.

You refuse? Why? You don't feel the need to turn off the TV so you could get me an simple answer, because you think I'm unnecessarily anxious?

You refuse to tell me what time you want me over Easter? WTF? You invited me!

How does that make me unnecessarily anxious!?

I'm really debating not coming Sunday, I just don't understand why you would behave like that, and I don't want to feel like a hostage Sunday because you think I get anxious and unpleasant when I want to get home at a decent time.

Mad


----------------------------
Official Pineapple Master General of the Realm of Unproductivity and Procrastination

He said 'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything'
But he didn't get it....
 
Posts: 14738 | Location: 'burbs of Chicago | Registered: September 24, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
The Doughmaster
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Picture of TheatreGeek
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*hugs* to you, Nel. Family issues always seem to cause the most anxiety. FWIW, you're the reasonable, sane party in this fiasco, just remember that.


~ Non-Mod-Amy, aka Amy of the Lost Ark

You are a Bookholder. To prompt, or...LINE! (not to prompt) --not to prompt. That is the question. Whether t'is nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of a bad memory, or to take arms against a sea of textual deviations, and...LINE! (by opposing) --by opposing them...LINE! (end) --end...LINE! (them) --end them...LINE! (to prompt, to correct; no more; and by a correction to say we end the heart-ache of a really terrible performance) You didn't have to give me the whole thing! I know it!
 
Posts: 11747 | Location: Michigan | Registered: August 15, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Melittosphex sapiens
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Picture of Hive
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Oh, Nel, that sounds horrible. *hugs*


***********************
"bring on the be-tentacled oppressors" - fluffyllama
 
Posts: 15843 | Registered: April 12, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Smiter of the Stupid
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Picture of Saint NightWalker
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Dear Universe,

What the fuck, man?

I'm getting really sick of the raw fucking deal you've handed me of late. I turned 35 this last October, and it started out great.

Bought a new car.

I was happy in my job.

Took an epic road trip to celebrate Hall'ween with a bunch of friends at an amazing place.

Then, come January, you've decided to fuck with me endlessly.

The job is becoming a drag. I'm not respected at work. I'm treated as a second-class citizen, and my expertise isn't utilized.

You've given me cancer (myoxid malignant fibrous histocytoma) and after it was removed and I start treatment, the doctors find more.

I'm turning away from, and will end up estranged from my parents.

I'm having severe identity issues and nothing is coming to light. I've lost who I am, what I am, and who I thought I was.

...and then, you introduce me to Her. The One. The person I would give everything up for. It's beautiful. It's wonderful... and then what?

It all goes to shit. You take that away from me. Out of all the fucking inestimably small chances... I meet her... and then it doesn't work out.

Everything has fallen apart and then the One person I turn to... I cherish... I love... now on top of everything... she leaves.

Fuck you, Universe.

Seriously, fuck you. I have lived my life as solid and well as I could... I've given my everything to be safe and sane... and you take it ALL away in a matter of months.

Fuck you.

Now I'm drunk, lonely, broke, and completely devastated to the point of... of what? I don't even know anymore.

...and all I have, my only source of outlet, is a fucking messageboard.

(no insult intended to the readers).

Fuck you.

Seriously. Fuck. You.

-- W


____________________
-=- Saint NightWalker -=-

Donut: "Oh man, that is a BURN. Dude, you just got BURNED. BURN, dude. BURN."
Simmons: "Oh, shut up! Your armor's pink."
 
Posts: 2507 | Location: SoCali, USA, Earth | Registered: June 20, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Administrator
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Picture of Smaug
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Dear SaintNightWalker

There's not a lot I can say to that, even if I put my Aunty Smaug hat on.

So, I will send you my best virtual *hugs* and remind you, you said yourself how quickly life turned to shit, I'm hoping it will turn itself around just as quickly!

And you're going through so fucking much so fucking quickly, don't be afraid to call out for help, either from us, some IRL friends or the medical profession, I know the US doesn't have the best counselling help in the world, but there is some there if you look for it.

Thinking of you
Smaug


~
I prefer to live in a country that's small, and old, and where no one would ever have the NERVE to wear a cape in public, whether they could leap tall buildings in a single bound or not.

the parrot... ...gets tiresome.
the parrot... ...i ate him.


CHIKKINZ?
 
Posts: 20596 | Location: England | Registered: June 21, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is currently hovering somewhere near Saturn
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Picture of Limertilly
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Dear Walker

Aunty Smaugy is not the only person who is thinking of you right now. I'm sending my best virtual hugs too.

Love from
Limer


Limertilly: A pagan deity forgotten by man and therefore banished to the realms of memory and darkness now remembered by a young girl in downtown L.A. in the form of a dream and therefore freed to reap your revenge on the people who discarded you, thereby forcing said girl to learn to use her innate yet awesome powers as a soothsayer to gather forces of the Earth to defy you and once more banish you to your cold, cold prisoooooon

blog: http://limertillysfoodporn.wordpress.com/

My sister's band, what I am very very proud of: www.bit.ly/toodar
 
Posts: 26263 | Location: your left ear | Registered: June 28, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Weirdy American Tart Thing
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Picture of Maeve
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*adds some more hugs*



Minister of Kraftwerk in the Realm of U & P, Order of the Pineapple with frond for advancement in Nap studies.


The brain: not always amenable to logic. ~Hive

 
Posts: 25366 | Location: under tangled yarn | Registered: August 09, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
The Doughmaster
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Picture of TheatreGeek
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Oh, Walker...

*hugs*

You have my number. You can call me any time.


~ Non-Mod-Amy, aka Amy of the Lost Ark

You are a Bookholder. To prompt, or...LINE! (not to prompt) --not to prompt. That is the question. Whether t'is nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of a bad memory, or to take arms against a sea of textual deviations, and...LINE! (by opposing) --by opposing them...LINE! (end) --end...LINE! (them) --end them...LINE! (to prompt, to correct; no more; and by a correction to say we end the heart-ache of a really terrible performance) You didn't have to give me the whole thing! I know it!
 
Posts: 11747 | Location: Michigan | Registered: August 15, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Smiter of the Stupid
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Picture of Saint NightWalker
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Thanks.

TG: If I have your number, I've since lost it.


____________________
-=- Saint NightWalker -=-

Donut: "Oh man, that is a BURN. Dude, you just got BURNED. BURN, dude. BURN."
Simmons: "Oh, shut up! Your armor's pink."
 
Posts: 2507 | Location: SoCali, USA, Earth | Registered: June 20, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Companion to owls
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Picture of cloverheart
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Dear Walker,

*hugs*

Sincerely,
Me


 
Posts: 11802 | Location: home? | Registered: June 19, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
The Doughmaster
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Picture of TheatreGeek
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quote:
Originally posted by Saint NightWalker:
Thanks.

TG: If I have your number, I've since lost it.


Right. Texting you now.


~ Non-Mod-Amy, aka Amy of the Lost Ark

You are a Bookholder. To prompt, or...LINE! (not to prompt) --not to prompt. That is the question. Whether t'is nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of a bad memory, or to take arms against a sea of textual deviations, and...LINE! (by opposing) --by opposing them...LINE! (end) --end...LINE! (them) --end them...LINE! (to prompt, to correct; no more; and by a correction to say we end the heart-ache of a really terrible performance) You didn't have to give me the whole thing! I know it!
 
Posts: 11747 | Location: Michigan | Registered: August 15, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Melittosphex sapiens
Member
Picture of Hive
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quote:
Originally posted by Limertilly:
Dear Walker

Aunty Smaugy is not the only person who is thinking of you right now. I'm sending my best virtual hugs too.

Likewise,

Love from Hive.


***********************
"bring on the be-tentacled oppressors" - fluffyllama
 
Posts: 15843 | Registered: April 12, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Great wyrm of Toronto
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Picture of Mythos
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Dear Walker:

I hope that this bullshit and the universe turns around just as quickly as they began. I'm adding my well wishes and positive energy to the pile already forming here. Take care, man.

-- M


______________________________
You can't take the sky from me.
 
Posts: 6054 | Location: Canada | Registered: July 11, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Neil Gaiman    www.NeilgaimanBoard.com    www.NeilgaimanBoard.com  Hop To Forum Categories  The World's End  Hop To Forums  FLAME WARS    Unsent Correspondence, Letter you may or may not send, Part 3

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