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Unsent Correspondence, Letter you may or may not send, Part 3
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is like fusion cuisine, if Canada can be seen as having a cuisine.
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Picture of G~R
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Dear Car -

Thank you for getting us home safely, even with a crack in your radiator spewing water and steam everywhere, causing you to overheat.
We're taking you to the car-doctor tomorrow bright and early.

Thankfully,
us
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear In-Laws,

Dudes. You drove our car for 10 days and now it has a cracked radiator.
But thank you for being there for us and talking TM through how to cobble the bits together to get us home.

Thankfully,
me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Aunt of my husband (yes, same one, again)-

I know we had to call your phone since FIL's wasn't being answered, but you had to call him back 5 seconds after he hung up with FIL?
Really?
We are two adults - we know where the Triple-A card is and how to use it.
It's not like you can even DRIVE to help us out (she has never driven...), or know ANYTHING about cars at all, so calling us back like that just ADDED TO THE STRESS LEVEL.
>.<

Still very stressed and frustrated,
your nephew's wife


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
no maps for these places we're lost within
Originally Registered: June 14, 2007
 
Posts: 2535 | Location: Happy Place | Registered: October 27, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
was not written by a man named "Cougar"
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Dear Kyron,

You're the first lost child case that I've ever had to cover from the very beginning. Even though there haven't been any new developments (and thus you've been removed from our show) please know that in my heart I'm still holding out for you. Please be found safe and alive.

Keeping the faith,
A Total Stranger Who's Heart You've Touched


----------------
Duck...duck...duck...duck...BOOBS!

 
Posts: 4109 | Location: Tacoma! (Because really, who wants to live in Seattle?) | Registered: October 11, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
stole the last root beer
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Picture of Mischief the Polarbear
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Dear board,

Last year or so I've been jaded with you, and mostly checking back has been an exercise in disappointment. It's mainly been habit that has kept me coming back.

Last few days have been great, though. Thanks for that.

Best
A Bear of little brain.


~~~~~~~~~~~~
(terms and conditions apply)
 
Posts: 8804 | Location: where do you think, you idiot? | Registered: April 08, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is currently hovering somewhere near Saturn
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Dear G.

This conversation we just had? is *exactly* why i don't tell people about it. it is precisely and completely the exact reason i don't talk about this stuff.

Thanks.
R
 
Posts: 26263 | Location: your left ear | Registered: June 28, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is like fusion cuisine, if Canada can be seen as having a cuisine.
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Dear Step-Grandmother and Half-Aunts,

Hi.
I'm your granddaughter/niece. I'm the daughter of your step-son/half-brother.

My family, my dad and my aunt J., are part of your family whether you want us to be or not.

Did you add me on Facebook simply to continue the tradition of rubbing in my face how you'd be happier if we didn't exist???

"the old K. family" INCLUDES my dad and my aunt. "the new K. family" includes a lot more people than your photos would attest to.

You're all either thoughtless jerks or calculating evil plotters.

And what the hell, you ask my sister-in-law, who you've never met, what she's taking in high school? You have 3 nieces in high school. Ask them, and tell them that they'll have a good year and they're taking interesting courses.

You jerk jerk jerk.

Frustrated and wanting to unfriend you but still wanting to see and hear updates about my grandpa,

your step-grandaughter/niece


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
no maps for these places we're lost within
Originally Registered: June 14, 2007
 
Posts: 2535 | Location: Happy Place | Registered: October 27, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is like fusion cuisine, if Canada can be seen as having a cuisine.
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Dear stomach,

Please behave.

love,

me


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
no maps for these places we're lost within
Originally Registered: June 14, 2007
 
Posts: 2535 | Location: Happy Place | Registered: October 27, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Melittosphex sapiens
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Dear sis,

I love you. I love your daughter. I love it when you come to visit and wish fervently that you would come more often. But if you turn up with no notice, it's very possible I may already have arranged other things to do, and may not be instantly available to you. I hope you understand and don't get snitty.

love,
me.


***********************
"bring on the be-tentacled oppressors" - fluffyllama
 
Posts: 15843 | Registered: April 12, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Melittosphex sapiens
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Dear sis,

Thank you for not being snitty at all.

love, me. xx


***********************
"bring on the be-tentacled oppressors" - fluffyllama
 
Posts: 15843 | Registered: April 12, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is in perfect karmic alignment
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Dear friend,

This is the low down and dirty: you do not have this kind of a claim on me.
Ofcourse we can talk over chat. Sure we can go to the terrace sometimes if you want: but this is getting a little ridiculous. You get pissy if i don't respond fast enough to your text messages: and you expect me to explain myself. Why didn't i respond? Well. I was getting school books, it was very busy, so i didn't check my phone until later. We didn't even have an kind of an appointment. Right. Then you talk over chat, with a barrage of messages about this that and the other. In between fishing, you ask if we can go sit on the terrace later. I'm stupid i say 'oh yeah, i think so. Yeah.' that was a mistake because i just double booked. I contact you ASAP, within the half hour, with a thousand apologies and you get extremely pissy*, for which you apologise, accepted. Don't let's talk about it anymore. I resolve to be more careful and clearer and to stop committing to half-baked plans.
So. You had a shitty day. You want to sit on the terrace again. I warn you, i might have to go shortly but sure if you're in the neighbourhood, you've had a piss day, you're welcome here and rant a little. Then the phone rings and i have to go. You get tense and a little snitty. Sure. K. Then as we leave you propose to go eat somewhere today. I say 'K, yeah let's see'. Also stupid of me. Because today, when i have the chance to check my phone i have three messages. K, sorry. I text back that the boys are going to the Zoo**. That's what was told. Also dumb of me. Just plain dumb. Because that wasn't clear. 'We're all going to the zoo, right?' isn't clear. And so you're pissed at me. And so you drop it in the conversation. "*Some* people only respond after an hour. *some* people don't respond at all..."
To which you get a vaguely ironic "that's true."

Dude, i'm sorry to be vague, and i'm truly sorry that i make dumb mistakes and am not always crystal clear. I'm not always immediately available by phone, text or chat message. But we talk nearly every day***. And i make time nearly every day to talk. And if you've had a crap day: you're welcome if i can squeeze it in. Don't mope at me because things won't work out according to your expectations. Don't throw everything in my back yard. I'm sometimes vague and sometimes things don't work out. I'm usually reachable and usually flexible. But don't spam me with eight texts, dude. Don't get pissy with me every single time whether i've actually done something wrong or not. Not every single plan that goes awry is my fault, and i'm not there every single day all the time. I try to show interest. And i also usually talk too much. I'm not faultless: but that doesn't necissarily mean it's all of it my fault.

And dude, please lighten up. I don'want to defend myself against any small real or percieved slight i've comitted against you. We talk and we see eachother *all the frakking time*. So naturally it won't work out quite as you hoped it would every single time.
Give me a break and let me breathe for fuck's sakes.

I love you dearly. But you're not my boyfriend/lover/roommate/little brother.
You don't have that kind of a claim on me.

Let me finish up by saying that i realise my vague non-commital behaviour today nonplussed you. I wasn't cold towards you, ofcourse. You're my friend. But i was evasive.
Take the hint. There's nothing to talk about and i'm not about to start explaining myself yet again as to why exactly i didn't respond to your text-message barrage within five minutes****. Had i been a better person I would always handle everything correctly. But i'm not and i didn't. Now let it the fuck go.

Very sincerely and with lots of love, but i am not yours, you know...

Fins.

*Pissy as in "Not again". What do you mean 'again'? I've been there nearly every day. I'm usually quite reachable. We see eachother maybe thrice weekly if it's a slow week. Pissy as in "well i could just have gone home and joined the barbecue" uhm, i didn't know anything about any barbecue? Can't you go anyway? It's only half an hour later and you're five minutes away from the subway station. Pissy as in "yeah but no-one's going to the zoo today" what's that doing in my back yard? I didn't know that and i can't help that. Pissy as in despite my apologies you swear, tell me you're angry now and log off, pissy. K. Cool off. I'm not picking up this phone again today.
**This is a weekly event. The boys go have burgers, then we all go to the zoo. I therefore assumed you were all going to the zoo. I might be a little later. Go get your burger.
***last time instead of logging onto the chat client to see if i was on, you tried to keep up a convo over text message. Please don't do that. It costs money. Just log onto the chat, k?
****As a matter of fact i was having sex. Sorry about that.


-------------------
Blog: Room with a view.

~You are a *Taverner*.
Sometimes patrons want to go where everybody knows their names, though it helps when half of them are named John. When people want to celebrate, or commiserate, they gather to your establishment. You provide the atmosphere, the warmth, rum, and even an ear to bend. Did I mention the rum? Years before the language will be mangled with terms like facilitator and networking and interpersonal communication, you've overseen it all, and broken up a few bar fights, to boot.~
-Royko

 
Posts: 8667 | Location: Just north of Earth | Registered: July 02, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
has no member title
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Wow, having flashbacks to bad friend situation!

*hugs*

It sounds like it's time to reduce contact.


__
I like it maybe 63 percent!
 
Posts: 15475 | Location: Bouncing round in bathrooms! | Registered: October 19, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is in perfect karmic alignment
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(*sigh* I reiterate. Do not spam me with texts. 5 within the half hour: all about nothing. Stop. Really.)


-------------------
Blog: Room with a view.

~You are a *Taverner*.
Sometimes patrons want to go where everybody knows their names, though it helps when half of them are named John. When people want to celebrate, or commiserate, they gather to your establishment. You provide the atmosphere, the warmth, rum, and even an ear to bend. Did I mention the rum? Years before the language will be mangled with terms like facilitator and networking and interpersonal communication, you've overseen it all, and broken up a few bar fights, to boot.~
-Royko

 
Posts: 8667 | Location: Just north of Earth | Registered: July 02, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
lives deliberately
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Ugh. man.ip.ul.ative. need.y. cut 'em off.


ego forceps ergo ego forceps


****
"Chives?"�
"Yes, m'lud?"�
"Is that Ms Ephemera hovering over the croquet lawn?"�
"Indeed m'lud. She's marshalled all the haggle-dans. Missy-twigs and vale-nymphs from Claypole Woods. Apparently she intends to tear this house down and dance on the ruins."�
"Well, Chives, you'd better start the car, what? And pack my tennis things too"�
--- Joe 3Heads
 
Posts: 11426 | Location: In a perpetual state of Ohio | Registered: December 02, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Dear bitch who set fire to her flat and made an entire tower block uninhabitable.

I have been without hot water for 43 days and counting because you also fucked up the gas mainpipe.

It really hacks me off that you are probably get away with it on mental health grounds when the known fact is that you were off your head on crack and decided to have a barbequeue on the 14th floor.

When they let you out with your little bag of pills - don't come back to this town.

(Sorry guys - respectable citizen, pillar of the community, saying all the things I'm not allowed to say elsewhere.)


***********************

I decided not to question, criticise or discriminate - now I find it much easier to believe everything I hear.
 
Posts: 20 | Location: Kingston upon Thames | Registered: March 14, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Melittosphex sapiens
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Oh, PATH, I know the area - I didn't know anyone outside the main block had been affected. I hope Kingston Council gets it's arse into gear very soon, and you get your services back.


***********************
"bring on the be-tentacled oppressors" - fluffyllama
 
Posts: 15843 | Registered: April 12, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Companion to owls
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Dear coworker,

Calling me 'boss' all the time is unnecessary, not funny, and I can't quite decide if you do it to make fun of me in front of other in my face, or just out of pettiness because you never imagined I could actually be appointed as our coordinator. I'll leave aside the maybe paranoid feeling that y'all have been thinking of me as relatively 'harmless' because I'm a woman and/or not a self-agrandising babboon like some of you who want a fanfare every time you string some letters together.

Point is, I am coordinating this project. It's an important one. And I'm doing it because I'm good and I've proven that I can be organised, anticipate problems and help a team of people create a quality final product. Sure this is way more massive than anything I've ever done before and I have a slight panicky feeling about it. Still I'm convinced I am able to do at leat a pretty decent job.

But I'm not taking any shit, ok? And I'm not saying this as coordinator, I'm saying this as coworker. Stop being 'funny'.

Sincerely,
Me


 
Posts: 11802 | Location: home? | Registered: June 19, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Melittosphex sapiens
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Dear night watchman,

Thank you for listening seriously to my complaint against the sodding neighbours. Thank you for telling me which flat it is that always does this. Thank you, too, for the years of Gurkha training you did which means that when you knock on their door, as you just did, that they will listen to you.

yours,
me,


***********************
"bring on the be-tentacled oppressors" - fluffyllama
 
Posts: 15843 | Registered: April 12, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Melittosphex sapiens
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Truly, I'm not interested in hearing about your manflu. I'm not interested in the whiny-but-brave tone you are adopting. I'm not interested in your passive-aggressiveness, either. Suck it up and hold to your responsibilities.

Me.


***********************
"bring on the be-tentacled oppressors" - fluffyllama
 
Posts: 15843 | Registered: April 12, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Dear Inside Of My Cheek,

Please stop getting in the way of my teeth every time i talk or eat something, it is really getting annoying, i'm fairly certain you don't enjoy being bitten, so wouldn't it make more sense for you to just discontinue your current behaviour?

Bleedingly yours,
Scott



-not back with a vengeance, more like a dull thud followed by a scared wave-
 
Posts: 1630 | Location: further south than you'd assume, ON, Canada | Registered: August 28, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
was not written by a man named "Cougar"
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To my ex:

Ahahahahahaha! Glad you finally lost the weight you'd wanted to lose forever, but I can't stop laughing at your new look. I can't say that I'm all that suprised, but I hope the whole "Bro" thing works out for you. Also, you look like you're 15.

Still laughing,
me


----------------
Duck...duck...duck...duck...BOOBS!

 
Posts: 4109 | Location: Tacoma! (Because really, who wants to live in Seattle?) | Registered: October 11, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Weirdy American Tart Thing
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Dear darling technologically handicapped husband,

For what seems like the hundredth time this week:

Just because you see friends online on facebook doesn't actually mean that you need to converse with all of them. I am neither shocked nor surprised to know that many people are online after supper.

And please, find yourself a How To Use Facebook Tutorial and stop bothering your poor wife. When it concerns technology you can only ask questions in Doofus and I can only listen in Bafflement.

ETA: Also, the sink is five inches to left of where you keep leaving your dirty dishes.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Maeve,



Minister of Kraftwerk in the Realm of U & P, Order of the Pineapple with frond for advancement in Nap studies.


The brain: not always amenable to logic. ~Hive

 
Posts: 25366 | Location: under tangled yarn | Registered: August 09, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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