Neil Gaiman www.NeilgaimanBoard.com www.NeilgaimanBoard.com The World's End FLAME WARS have you ever paid for sex or knew someone who did?
www.NeilgaimanBoard.com www.NeilgaimanBoard.com The World's End FLAME WARS have you ever paid for sex or knew someone who did?|
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has no member title Member  |
*stares disbelievingly at JP's words*
You say the darndest things, sometimes... __ The brickchewing, camera flaunting restroom saint formerly known as Babylon the Bride |
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Do or do not. There is no try. Member  |
I figured as long as I stayed away from a "you can have your cake and eat it to" reference, I was okay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  I live for three things: The Girls, football, and live jazz. What do you live for? Let passion drive you. |
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his colours are like your dream Member  |
i am still interested in the implication that having paid for sex once would make a person automatically not suitable.
I mean, if someone does it all the time, and while they are in a relationship, that's certainly grounds for questinoning their personality, and for the risks and so on that have been mentioned. Not to mention fidelity is very important to me. But in the event that a person is tested and free of disease, and did only pay for sex a few times, a while ago, and never while in a relationship... would this change the scenario for anyone? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hyperbole is, without a shadow of doubt, the single greatest thing in the universe! |
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Administrator/Colporteur Member  |
As I said, I'm not so much interested in a person's past, but in what they are in the present.
__________ AJGraeme "You see, I have a policy about honesty and ass-kicking: if you ask for it, I have to let you have it." -Taylor Mali "Science is the foot that kicks magic square in the nuts." -Scratch Fury |
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has no member title Member |
I don't know if I understand this right, but if so I do understand Dweller's position (and presumably Amy's).
It is important that the people you love and make love to have similar ethical values - particularly where it comes to sex and love. And if you think casual sex is...er...I don't know, bad for your soul? Abuse of something very important? then it wouldn't be good to hook up with someone who sees and has used sex as something potentially casual. You'd maybe always feel that sex (with you and in general) had a lesser value to the other person. Even if that's not necessarily the case. Like you weren't really sharing the same valuable and important thing. __ The brickchewing, camera flaunting restroom saint formerly known as Babylon the Bride |
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Administrator/Colporteur Member |
That's more or less it, yes.
The idea, biblically, is that sex causes two people to become "one flesh." It's a very special sort of bond, the sort of thing you'd only really want to have with one person. There's a passage in 1 Corinthians where sex with a prostitute (the Greek word is the simplest one possible, referring simply to someone who has sex for money, not necessarily a temple prostitute) is compared to leading the members of your church astray from God. We are commanded to flee from such immorality. __________ AJGraeme "You see, I have a policy about honesty and ass-kicking: if you ask for it, I have to let you have it." -Taylor Mali "Science is the foot that kicks magic square in the nuts." -Scratch Fury |
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his colours are like your dream Member |
But this scenario assumes a person can't react to different people differently.
Sex is a dialogue between two people, a conversation. sex isn't something i do, it's something 'we' do. so it changes with every person. From my own perspective, i have no problem with the idea of going at the pace both people want. As ever, communication is the key to avoiding hurt feelings. i've been out with people who i've been to bed with before we started going out (if that makes sense) and people that i've been going out with for ages without so much as a lengthy fondle! for example, in one case i went out with someone who had religious issues with sex and someone who had nasty men in her past. And in that latter case, i don't feel that my having had casual sex in the past in any way diminished how big a deal sex was for her. or reduce the feelings i had when we did get round to it. i dunno. i think i feel that if you want to take the position that sex is only for a commited long term, then that's cool. But i think it's also important to understand to know that it is possible to discriminate, to distinguish between different types of sex. i do think i actually prefer a long buildup in a relationship, but that's by the by. [edited to reply to jp]good point... it's almost as though in this scenario, what type of sex you have is a one way street. Once you've been down that route, there's no coming back. I prefer two way streets! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hyperbole is, without a shadow of doubt, the single greatest thing in the universe! |
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Do or do not. There is no try. Member |
Which is what I was asking/saying to Amy on page 3. I think Dweller's response still begs the question as to whether or not that person has "ruined sex for good", or could there be a mutual understanding moving forward. Dwellwer, you said you're not interested in the past, only the present, yet I also feel like this past action could be a snag that you couldn't get past in the relationship. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I live for three things: The Girls, football, and live jazz. What do you live for? Let passion drive you. |
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has no member title Member |
You know what's weird?
What Dweller said earlier:
actually makes *me* feel a bit ooky.  Like, oh my god I'm doing something spiritually awfully important here that's bonding me in this unrepeatable way to my partner. I can't explain it, but I think *that* expectation would make me feel a little uncomfortable myself. Not that sex doesn't sometimes feel that way, but the idea that it *has* to feel that way sort of overloads it for my feeling. __ The brickchewing, camera flaunting restroom saint formerly known as Babylon the Bride |
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Do or do not. There is no try. Member |
Nothing like performance anxiety!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I live for three things: The Girls, football, and live jazz. What do you live for? Let passion drive you. |
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has no member title Member |
Lol! No not that, but...sometimes I don't want beautiful and meaningful, I want kinky and dirty and casual. And if possible, with the same person.
*blush* Did I just say that? __ The brickchewing, camera flaunting restroom saint formerly known as Babylon the Bride |
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Administrator/Colporteur Member |
I find myself unable to continue this conversation without discussing my sex life, something I'm not comfortable doing in a public forum (not for religious reasons, incidentally). Suffice it to say, I am not speaking in the hypothetical - this can and does work very well.
__________ AJGraeme "You see, I have a policy about honesty and ass-kicking: if you ask for it, I have to let you have it." -Taylor Mali "Science is the foot that kicks magic square in the nuts." -Scratch Fury |
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Administrator/Colporteur Member |
Yep, and I agree. The idea isn't that each time has to be a moment of spiritual enlightenment, but rather, that there's an overall view of the couple as two parts of a whole - which is really just a Scriptural way of saying something similar to the suggestions of most in the techniques thread. __________ AJGraeme "You see, I have a policy about honesty and ass-kicking: if you ask for it, I have to let you have it." -Taylor Mali "Science is the foot that kicks magic square in the nuts." -Scratch Fury |
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Member |
well...i knew this topic would be extremely controversial...as are my views...because i've brought this issue up on internet forums before...and it has always resulted in people labeling me as judgemental and/or puritanical if they don't agree with my beliefs. i'm not looking for support or validation about what i believe...i am merely stating what i believe. and if people feel that i am prejudiced about this issue rather than being selective about potential sexual partners... then that is their opinion. my point of view on this subject has been influenced by many factors...my background, my environment, the friends with whom i associate...etc. i am not a religious or a conservative person...i actually take a liberal view about sexuality in general...i think gay people deserve to have the same rights as heterosexuals...i don't believe anyone needs to wait until marriage to have sex...i think that two consenting adults can do as they please...and i'm not crusading against porn or strip clubs or legalized brothels...i'm just stating that i don't feel the need to utilize any of those services. and that i do view people who engage in those kinds of activities in a different way. and i personally don't engage in casual sex...i need to feel love for any person with whom i have sex. i'm not capable of having sex without that kind of emotional connection. and to be quite honest, i don't really understand people who can. but i accept them...i just wouldn't date them. that is my personal preference as i have stated before. and i don't think anyone has the right to criticize me for how i choose my sexual partners.
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Only sounds like Keith Flint Member  |
my dad has had a few hookers in his day, i think its disgusting. |
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The Doughmaster Member  |
After reading through the entire thread, and then reading this, I'm kind of confused as to why you posted it in the first place. Initially it seemed as though you were genuinely interested in the answers to the questions, then it seemed like you were raring for a debate, possibly even a fight, and now it seems like you just posted it to re-confirm your opinion that, in general, people on message boards don't like your viewpoints. ~ Non-Mod-Amy, aka Amy of the Lost Ark You are a Bookholder. To prompt, or...LINE! (not to prompt) --not to prompt. That is the question. Whether t'is nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of a bad memory, or to take arms against a sea of textual deviations, and...LINE! (by opposing) --by opposing them...LINE! (end) --end...LINE! (them) --end them...LINE! (to prompt, to correct; no more; and by a correction to say we end the heart-ache of a really terrible performance) You didn't have to give me the whole thing! I know it! |
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Member |
i posted it in the first place because i was genuinely curious as to how people would respond...and whether it would be similar to what i had experienced before...and it was. and i wanted to read a convincing argument about why someone would pay for sex. but i have realized that there isn't one...not for me...and not for some other members...and that has to do with how one views sex in general.
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Do or do not. There is no try. Member |
Let's be fair here, some of the response was the result of the aparent shifting target. For a while there was a lot more going on than just the sex for sale discussion. It also seems like you were less hoping for a convincing argument than you were wanting to validate your own view. Your starting point for this discussion eliminated any possibility for a convincing argument, unless you were willing to budge on your fundamental view. You weren't, so it just became a staking out of positions.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I live for three things: The Girls, football, and live jazz. What do you live for? Let passion drive you. |
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Member |
well...the topic shifted because i stated my reasons for not being involved with someone that did...and then it turned into a whole discussion on the number of sexual partners...which is linked to the topic in the sense that prostitutes do have a large number of sexual partners...but kind of veered totally off tangent after that.
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Pirate/Zombie/Hero Member  |
Right there. THAT'S prejudice. You can not like something someone did, but viewing them "in a different way" because of ONE part of them, rather than making your judgment based on the person as a whole is prejudice, whether you care for the term or not. I quite understand being selective in one's sexual partners, but saying, "I'll never be with anyone who's paid for sex" is as stupid as saying, "I'll never be with anyone who's a different race/religion/pick you category." I can totally see why Amy thinks it's highly unlikely that she would ever want a relationship with the kind of person that she equates with someone likely to visit a sex worker, but, in my experience, "always" and "never" are very dangerous words, especially when it comes to relations with other human beings. |
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