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Euphemisms for penis
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Doom Banana.

I like it maybe 63 percent!
Posts: 15475 | Location: Bouncing round in bathrooms! | Registered: October 19, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is in perfect karmic alignment
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Blog: Room with a view.

~You are a *Taverner*.
Sometimes patrons want to go where everybody knows their names, though it helps when half of them are named John. When people want to celebrate, or commiserate, they gather to your establishment. You provide the atmosphere, the warmth, rum, and even an ear to bend. Did I mention the rum? Years before the language will be mangled with terms like facilitator and networking and interpersonal communication, you've overseen it all, and broken up a few bar fights, to boot.~

Posts: 8667 | Location: Just north of Earth | Registered: July 02, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Originally posted by Punkyfins:

That sounds Dutch...
(Welcome back!)

I like it maybe 63 percent!
Posts: 15475 | Location: Bouncing round in bathrooms! | Registered: October 19, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Weirdy American Tart Thing
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Have we done Pocket Rocket?

(and seriously Noodles, Doom Banana? *snerk*)

Minister of Kraftwerk in the Realm of U & P, Order of the Pineapple with frond for advancement in Nap studies.

The brain: not always amenable to logic. ~Hive

Posts: 25427 | Location: under tangled yarn | Registered: August 09, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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well, only if I want the guy to crack up. Razz

I like it maybe 63 percent!
Posts: 15475 | Location: Bouncing round in bathrooms! | Registered: October 19, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Great wyrm of Toronto
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You can't take the sky from me.
Posts: 6059 | Location: Canada | Registered: July 11, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Istanbul was never Constantinople. They lied.
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Originally posted by Maeve:
Have we done Pocket Rocket?

...I always thought that was a vibrator...

inagreyplace + colour theory.
Posts: 3426 | Location: purgatory, USA. | Registered: June 10, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
The Biscuitkeeper
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Originally posted by Crow Girl:
Didn't Mattvid have a list of a thousand and one of these? Or was that a list of euphemisms for vagina?

This would be the list:

a big date with Rosy Palms
a date with Mrs. Palmer and her five slut daughters
adjusting the antenna
adjusting my set
answering the Bone-A-Phone
applying the hand brake
arguing with Henry Longfellow
arm-wrestling the purple-headed stormtrooper
asking for a second opinion (your second head)
assault on a friendly weapon
attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
attending to the throb knob needs
auditioning my finger puppets
auditioning the hand puppet
backstroke roulette
badgering the witness
baiting my hook
ball slappin' fun
bangin' my bacon
banging one out
banging the Cyclops
bashing the Bishop
bashing the candle
bashing the pear
basting the ham
batting practice
battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger
beatin' Bobby
beating Bob and the twins
beating Jack
beating off
beating the bait
beating the balloon
beating the balogna
beating the beagle
beating the bed flute
beating the Bishop
beating the dummy
beating the fuck out of my best friend
beating the goat
beating the old man
beating the pud
beating the shit out of my incapacitated midget
beating the snake
beating the snot outta Rotney
beating the snotty end of my fuck stick
beating the stick
beating my meat
being a virtuoso of the skin flute
being rough with the sex stick
being my own best friend
belaboring the obvious
biffing off
bleeding the weed
blowing my load
blowing my own horn
bludgeoning the beefsteak
blue-ball buster
blueball baseball
bobbing my boloney
bonging my shlong
booting up the hard drive
boppin' my bologna
bopping Richard
bopping the baloney
bopping the bishop
bopping the Bonzo
bouncing the bunny
boxing Oscar
boxing Oscar in the closet
boxing the bald champ
boxing the clown
boxing the Jesuit
boxing the Jesuit and getting cockroaches
boxing the one-eyed clown
boxing the trouser mouse
boxing with Richard
breaking the fish tank
buckin' it
buffin' the bishop
buffing the pickle
buffing my wand
buffing the banana
buffing the rifle
buffing the wood
buffing my nuts
buggering my hand
bunning my hot dog
burning off a few calories
burping the baby
burping the worm
busting a nut
buttering my corn
calling all cum
calling down for more Mayo
calling in the National Guard to assist in a strategic crisis
caning the vandal
caping the crusader
capturing the bishop
carrying weight
casting off
changing my oil
charming the cobra
charming the one-eyed trouser snake
charming the snake
cheap date
cheating on my other hand
checking for testicular cancer
checking the plumbing
cheesing off
chilling the dill
choking Charlie 'till he throws up
choking Kojak
choking my chicken
choking myself into emission
choking the bald guy until he pukes
choking the chicken
choking the hog
choking the pirate
choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come
chopping down
chucking one in the sink
chucking the yogurt
churning my butter
Civil War
clamping the pipe
cleaning out my rope
cleaning the pipes
cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
cleaning my rifle
clearing the snorkel
climbin' the tree
climbing Mount Baldy
climbing Mt. Barbell (for guys with pierced dicks)
climbing the corporate ladder
clobbering the bad guy
clobbering the Kleenex
closet Frisbee
clubbing Eddy
clubbing the baby seal
clubbing the clam
clubbing the dummy
coating Prince William Sound with love oil
cocking the rifle
collecting a specimen
coming into my own
coming to grips with the situation
coming to grips with myself
committing mass spermicide
cooking the cream of cock
cooking with Wong
corralling the tadpoles
couch hockey for one
cracking one off
cracking the fat
crank yanking
cranking for cum
cranking one off
cranking the love pump
cranking the monkey
cranking the shank
crimping the wire
crowning the king
cuddlin' the Kielbasa
cuffing the carrot
cuffing the dummy
cuffing the puppy
Custer's Last Stand
dancing round the maypole
dancing the two-fisted tango
dancing with Johnnie One-Eye
dating Miss Michigan (think geography)
dating Mother Palm and her five daughters
date with Rosy Palms
dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters
debugging the hard drive
decongesting the weasel
Devil's Handshake
dick whacking
diddle whacking
digging for change
digitally oscillating one's penis
discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile
disciplining the primate
Do the Dew
Dogger Bank
doin' a loner with my boner
doin' the solitary rhumba
doing a hand job
doing an impression of Goofy
doing battle with the Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love
doing handiwork
doing it my way
doing the five-knuckle shuffle
doing the hand jive
doing the hand-cooter
doing the human version of AUTOEXEC.BAT
doing the janitor thing
doing the knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
doing the plotkin
doing the pork sword jiggle
doing the sin of Onan
doing the White Knuckler
doing my own thing
doodling my noodle
downing at the club (for members only)
downing the pitcher
draining the dragon
draining the lizard
draining the main vein
draining the monster
draining the one-eyed monster
draining the poisons from the building
draining the vats
draining the vein
dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust
driving the skin bus
droppin' a wad of hot wax
dropping a line
dropping stomach pancakes
dropping the kids off at the pool
dry humping the ottoman
duking the Bishop
dundering the devil-dolphin
electing the president
emptying my sex pistol
engaging in safe sex
erupting Ol' Faithful
escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell
evicting the testicular squatters
falling in love with my right hand
faxing Jimmy Dean
faxing the Pope
feeding the chooks
feeding the ducks
fetching milk
filling Charlie's magic sock
finding myself
firing the flesh musket
firing the love rifle
firing the presidential staff
firing the Surgeon General
firming my worm
fishing for the two-toned trouser trout
fishing for zipper trout
fist fucking
fisting my mister
five against one
five knuckle Olympics
five knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe
five on one
five-Digit Shuffle
five-finger discount
five-finger solo
five-knuckle chuckle
five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
fixing the toilet
Flapping Takkie (South African)
flaying the Emperor
flick on over the thumb
flicking the bic
flipping the Bishop
floggin' the log
flogging my dong
flogging my dumber brother
flogging my log
flogging my stob
flogging the Bishop
flogging the dog
flogging the dolphin
flogging the dong
flogging the frog
flogging the General
flogging the hog
flogging the log
flogging the mule
flogging the salami
fluffing the pillow
flute solo
fly fishing
flying a kite
following my bliss
fondling the fig
fondling the fisherman
fondling the fountain
fooling with my tool
foreplay with Fistina
four-knuckle shuffle (for those who lost a finger in 'Nam)
freeing the hostages
Freeing the Willies
Freeing Willy
freeing my dick fish into the gene pool
frigging the love muscle (British)
frosting the pastries
fucking a pillow
fucking Mrs. Fist, the five-fingered widow
fun with friction
galloping the antelope
galloping the old lizard
ganging the plank
getting' my oil checked
gettin' jizzy with it
getting a date with Slick Mittens
getting a grip on things
getting a load off my mind
getting a milk mustache
getting a stiffy
getting busy
getting chafed
getting in touch with my manhood
getting in touch with myself
getting off
getting tennis elbow
getting the dirty water off my chest
getting the German soldier marching
getting the glue stick
getting to know Miss Michigan
getting to know myself
getting to know myself personally in the "biblical sense"
getting my caps peeled
getting my exercise
getting my palm read by Mister Softee
getting my palm red
getting my pole varnished
givin' the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a
hot-butter nuggie
giving it a good once over
giving it a tug
giving Ms. Palm and and her five sisters a ride on the meat train
giving my employee a raise
giving myself a dishonorable discharge
giving myself a hand
giving myself a happy ending
giving myself a helping hand
giving myself a low five
giving the John Hancock
giving the pink Mustang a lube job
giving the pink Mustang a spit shine
giving the seamen shore leave
glazing the donut
gluing the lady's eye's shut
going a couple of rounds with ol' Josh
going blind
going for the gold
going into battle with the purple-helmeted warrior
going on a date with Handrea and Palmela
going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters
going on Peewee's little adventure
going steady with my bouncing Betty
going the blow
going to the basement
grappling the gorilla
greasin' up my love monkey
greasing the axle
greasing the flagpole
greasing the monkey
greasing the pipe
greasing my bone
gripping the pencil
gacking the hog
Han Solo
hand job
Hand Shandy
Hand Solo
hand-starting the one-eyed yogurt thrower
hand work
hand-to-gland combat
handling heavy equipment
handling the hound
hands-on training
handy work
hanging out with Peter Tork
hanging the old man
hard labor
Harping on Happy Harry Hard-on
hatchin' a batch
having a ball
having a Barclays Bank
having a bat
having a chuff
having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake
having a date with Fisty Palmer
having a date with Mrs. Thumb and her 4 daughters
having a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
having a ham shank
having a J. Arthur (British)
having a one-night-stand with myself
having a play date with my little friend
having a puppet show in my pants
having a Roy (Australian)
having a Sherman (British)
Having a staff meeting
having a tommy tank
having a tug
having a tug-of-war with the cyclops
having an arm-wrestle with my one-eyed vessel
having dinner
having group sex with five friends
having it off
having one off the wrist
having sex with someone you love
heaving the heathen handhold
helping Mr. Happy
hitchhiking to heaven
hitchhiking under the Big Top
hitching to heaven
hitting a homerun at a tee ball game
hitting the ham
hitting the sack
hitting the speedbump
hoisting the flag
holding all the cards
holding my own
holding the sausage hostage
honing the cone
honing my bone
honking the bobo
huffing on the hoagie
hugging the hog
hugging the sausage
humpin' air
humping my fist
humping my hose
in the hand
irking the dude
ironing some wrinkles
J. Arthur Rank (British)
jack hammering
jackin' the Beanstalk
jackin' my meat
jacking off
jacking up the hot rod
jag off
jammin' my jimmy
jazzing myself
jelly roll
Jenny McCarthy Jaunt
jerken the gurkin
jerkin' the gherkin
jerkin' the joystick
jerkin' my beef
jerking Jamby
jerking off
jerking the Johnson
jerking the turkey
jerking yanking daisy-chaining
jiggling the jewelry
jiggling my Johnson
Jimmying my Joey
jogging the lizard
joining the Navy
joshing it
Juice the Moose
juicing the jizz monster
jumping the jock
just combing my hair
just jerkin' it
keeping the Optometrists in business
kicking seamen
kicking my roommate out for five to ten minutes to "call my parents"
killing it
killing the Beast
killing the bird on punches
kneading my knockwurst
kneeding the bread
knockin' over the weeble
knocking one off
knocking the top off
knuckle nobbing
Knuckle Shuffle on the ol' piss pump
knuckling the bone
launching the hand shuttle
launching the morning missile
launching the rocket
laying the smack down on myself
leakin' the main drain
letting out the bulimic one-eyed monster
lighting the lava lamp
living it up
looking for ticks
loping the mule
love's labors lost
loving the lizard
loving the muppet
lubing the tube
make like Hans Solo and stroke my wookie
makin' moonshine
making a fist sandwich
making a foreskin cone
making a knuckle hot dog
making free hand lotion
making friends with Big Ed
making instant pudding
making myself at home
making nut butter
making soup for one
making special sauce with frank and beans
making the bald guy puke
making the camel spit
making the Cyclops cry
making the cyclops do chin-ups 'til he throws up
making the llama spit
making the piggy squeal
making the scene with the magazine
making vanilla jism shakes
making with the tadpoles
making yogurt
mangling the midget
manhandling the manhood
manhandling my man-handle
manipulating the mango
manning the cockpit
manual labor
manual override
masonic secret self handshake
massaging Mr. Ho-Ho
massaging the mink
massaging my muscle
massaging my purple-headed warrior
master bacon
measuring for condoms
medical wankorama
medieval folk dancing
meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters
meeting Rosie Hancock
meeting with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
meeting with Palmala Handerson
meeting my kids
milking one's self
milking the bull
milking the cow
milking the lizard
milking the monkey
milking the moose
milking the mule
milking the muscle
milking the weasel
milking my wood
million sperm march
minding my own business
moisturizing my hands with my beauty bar
molesting the mole
moulding hot plastic
mounting a corporal and four
much goo about nothing
my sex life!
nerking my throbber
oiling the baseball bat
oiling the glove
oiling the mighty dick hinge
oiling the pogo stick
Onan's Olympics
one gun salute
one hand clapping
one handed shim sham
one man show
one off the wrist
one stop shopping
one-armed skiing
one-handed workout
one-man orgy
one-man ring toss
one-man show
one-man tug-o-war
opening up a bottle of Squirt
organ solo
packing my palm
paddling the pickle
painting the ceiling
painting the pickle
painting the walls
painting my pants
palming the calm
Pam Anderson Polka
pasting pages
Pat the Robertson
pattin' the puppy
pedal and crank
Pee Wee pleaser
peeing children
peeling some chilis
peeling the banana
peeling the carrot
performing a self-test
performing diagnostics on my man tool
perling the oyster
petting my animal
petting my dog
petting the lizard
petting the one eyed snake
petting the puppy
petting the python
phoning the czar
pipping the pumpkin
playin' the bone-a-thon
playin' with hardballs
playin' with myself
playing a little five-on-one
playing a one-stringed guitar
playing Billy Squier on the skin flute
playing five card draw with a handful of jacks
playing five card stud
playing in a one-man show
playing miniature golf
playing paintball with white paint
playing Peek-A-Boo with Mr. Johnson
playing peekaboo
playing peekaboo with Darth Vader
playing ping pong with my ding dong
playing pocket pinball
playing pocket polo with Agent Johnson
playing pocket pool
playing tag with the pink torpedo
playing the crotch trombone
playing the flesh flute
playing the male organ
playing the one-handed air guitar
playing the one-stringed melody
playing the organ
playing the piss pipe
playing the pisser
playing the skin flute
playing the solo symphony
playing the stand-up organ
playing tug-o-war with the cyclops
playing tug-o-war with the staked vampire 'til he flames up
playing Uno
playing with dick
playing with my little brother Peter
playing with my bird
playing with my noodle
playing with my turtle
playing with myself
playing with Susi Palmer and her five friends
playing with the pogo stick
playing with the snake
playing with the spitting llama
playing with Yoosef
playing Yahtzee
playing my instrument
pleasing my pisser
pleasure pumping
plunking my twanger
poaching the salmon
pocket billiards
pocket pinball
pocket pool
poking palm
pole vaulting
polishing Percy in my palm
polishing the bayonet
polishing the beak
polishing the cane
polishing the chrome dome
polishing the family jewels
polishing the fire pole
polishing the helmet
polishing the hot rod
polishing the knob
polishing the Lighthouse
polishing the pink Mustang
polishing the Pope
polishing the purple people pleaser
polishing the rocket
polishing the rocking horse
polishing the rod
polishing the sword
polishing my bayonet
polishing my helmet
polishing my piece
popping a nut
popping the blister
popping the bone
popping the cork
popping the porpoise
popping the purple pimple
popping my top
pounding off
pounding the bald-headed moose
pounding the pud
pounding my flounder
pounding my piss pump
pounding my pud
pouring off the potatoes
practicing for the big game
praising God
preparing the carrot
priming the pump
pud wrestling
pullin' a few rounds
pulling my goalie
pulling my love muscle
pulling my own leg
pulling my plonker
pulling my power cord
pulling my prick
pulling my pud
pulling my taffy
pulling my wire
pulling off
pulling pud
pulling rank
pulling the blue-veined custard chucker
pulling the blue-veined junket pumper
pulling the bologna pony
pulling the carrot
pulling the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Manuever
pulling the cord
pulling the five-knuckle shuffle
pulling the goalie
pulling the handbrake
pulling the piss pump
pulling the pole
pulling the Pope
pulling the pork stick
pulling the root
pulling the rope
pulling the single serving soup dispenser
pulling the weed
pulling the wire
pummeling the priest
pumpin' the poodle
pumping cream
pumping for pleasure
pumping for power
pumping gas at the self-service island
pumping iron
pumping the electric goo gun
pumping the porpoise
pumping the python
pumping the soft soap dispenser
pumping the stump
punchin' the clown
punchin' the midget
punchin' the munchkin
punching the clown
punching the munchkin
punching the possum
punching the stepson
punching myself in the crotch
punishing Percy
punishing Percy with the palm
punishing the Bishop
punishing the Pope
puttin' the tie on
Qualifying in the testicular time trial
raising Stonehenge
raising the flag pole
raising the mainsail
raising my sail
ramming the ham
rapid delivery
rapid one arm pull-ups
raping my hand
reading poetry
releasing the Olympic Doves
relieving tension
reverse osmosis
Riding the Great White Knuckler
riding the lightning
ringing the rag
rippin' the rocket
rocket piloting
rockin' the rooster
rolling the fleshy blunt
rolling my own
Roman helmet rhumba
romancing the bone
Romeo and Himself
rootin' for the Yankees
ropin' the long horn
roping the pony
roping the Pope
roughing the passer
roughing up the suspect
rounding up the tadpoles
rubbing off
rubbing one out
rubbing the Buddha for good luck
rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel
rubbing the pink eraser
rubbing the rod
rubbing the unicorn's horn
running in single-user mode
running off a batch by hand
running the cheeta
sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights
safest sex
salting my nuts in the shell
sanding the obelisk
sanding wood
saying a private prayer in the Church of the First Holy Monkey
saying hello to Mr. Winkie
scalpin' the injun
Schnauzer Shuffleboard
scouring the tower of power
scraping my carrot
scraping my horn
scratchin' the itch
scratching the cat pole
screwing my girlfriend Handgella
scromping the camper
seamen reporting for duty on the skin boat
seasonin' my meat
secret handshake
seeding the carpet
self abuse
self catering
self love
self-induced penile regurgitation
self-inflicted intercourse
sending a boy to the Academy
sending out the troops
sending myself a hand-job-o-gram
sex with someone I really love
shakin' hands with Little Richard
shakin' the snot off my frog
shaking coconuts from the love tree
shaking hands with Abe Lincoln
shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln
shaking hands with beef
shaking hands with Jack McNasty
shaking hands with Johnson
shaking hands with Mr. Happy
shaking Hands with Mr. President
shaking hands with my John Thomas
shaking hands with my wife's best friend
shaking hands with Shorty
shaking hands with the boss
shaking hands with the general
shaking hands with the goblin of love
shaking hands with the Governor
shaking hands with the midget
shaking hands with the one-eyed trouser trout
shaking hands with the President
shaking hands with the unemployed
shaking hands with Yul Brenner
shaking the bottle
shaking the coconut milk of love from the leafless palm trunk
shaking the dice
shaking the hand of the self-employed
shaking the sauce
shaking the sausage
shaking the snake
shaking the sugar tree
shaking the white-out pen
sharpening my pencil
shavin' the carrot
shellacking the shellaleigh
shemping the hog
shifting gears
shifting to fifth gear with the pork spear
shining the helmet
shining the pork sword
shining the shaft
shining the shank
shining my pole
shootin' my splouge
shooting Cupid's arrow
shooting enemies
shooting flies
shooting for the moon
shooting for the stars
shooting putty at the moon
shooting Sherman
shooting skeet (pull...shoot)
shooting tadpoles at the moon
shooting the pump action porridge gun
shooting the sherbert
shooting to score
shooting my wad
shuckin' Bubba
shucking the corn
simple infanticide
singing with Donny Osmond
skipping rope
slaking the bacon
slammin' the salami
slamming the ham
slamming the hammer
slamming the salmon
slamming the spam
slamming the sump-pump
Slap-Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
slappin' the purple-headed yogurt pistol
slappin' Pappy
slapping high fives with Yul Brynner
slapping it
slapping my happy sacks
slapping the big-nosed Rasta man
slapping the carrot
slapping the clown
slapping the Cyclops
slapping the donkey
slapping the FleshGopher
slapping the meat
slapping the pud
slapping the salami
slapping my chub
slaying the beast
slaying the dragon
slicking the stick
slinging jelly
slinging the jelly
Sloppy Joe's last stand
sloppy sign language
smackin' Isaiah
smacking Bob around
smacking my sister
smacking the monkey
smacking the oompa loompa
smacking the salami
smacking the weasel
smacking the yak 'til it spits back
smoking the bratworst
snappin' off a batch
snapping one off
snapping the carrot
snapping the monkey
snapping the radish
snapping the rubber
snapping the whip
snapping my carrot
solo flight
solo marathon
solo sex
solo spurting
soup of the day
spackling the ceiling
spanking Cheetah
spanking Elvis
spanking Frank
spanking the bishop
spanking the frank
spanking the monkey
spanking the plank
spanking the salami
spanking the wank
spanking up a batch
speaking into the microphone
spear chucking
spearing the Spartans
spending some quality time with myself
spermin' Herman the one-eyed German
spewing my load
spilling my children on my belly
spit-polishing the purple helmet
spitting up
splashing one out
spreading the mayo
spunking the Monk
spurtin' Bert
squashing the sea monkey
squeezing the burrito
squeezing the Charmin
squeezing the cheese
squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie
squeezing the glue
squeezing the juice
squeezing the lemon
squeezing the tomato
squeezing the snake with the turtleneck sweater
squeezing the tube of toothpaste
squeezing the weasel
squeezing my cheese-dog
squirting off my load in the school bathroom
squishing the fish
staff meeting
stall clapping
starting the day off right
stirring the batter
stirring the soup
stirring the yogurt
stoking the fire
strainin' the main vein
strangling Kojak
strangling the hog
strangling the one-eyed trouser snake
strangling the serpent
stress relief for a personal appendage
stretching the limo
stretching the turtle neck
striking the pink match
striking my match
stripping the bark off my wood
stroke 'til you spew
strokin' the mule
strokin' the sausage
stroking it
stroking off
stroking the balony pony
stroking the dog
stroking the lizard
stroking the mole
stroking the one-eyed burping gecko
stroking the salami
stroking the satin-headed serpent
stroking the snake
stroking the squirmin' German
stroking the stallion
stroking the wiener
stroking my goat
stroking my poker
stroking my pud
stroking my twinkie
stromming the Thurmond
strummin' my six inch
studying for a math test
sucker-punching the blind webster
swickin' it
swinging the jump rope
swinging the light saber
swinging the purple-veined kidney stabber
swinging the royal red reproduction rod
tagging off
takin' the bunt sign
taking a five minute vacation south of the border
taking a nap
taking a shake break
taking Captain Picard to Warp-Speed
taking care of business
taking control of myself
taking Herman to the circus
taking little Elvis to Graceland
taking matters into my own hands
taking ol' one eye through the fly
taking ol' one eye to the Knuckle Shuffle
taking part in population control
taking some time off
taking the dog for a walk
taking the Jocelyn Elders Midterm
taking the monster for a one-armed ride
taking the sperm whale for a walk
taking my turn at the self-serve pump
talking quietly to myself
talking turkey
taming the shrew
taming the wild hog
tamping my tater
tapping the turkey
target practice
target practice with the yogurt gun
target practicing with white ammo
taunting the one-eyed weasel
teaching a one-eyed Chinaman how to dance
teaching him a lesson
teaching my kids to swim
teaching the cyclops the lambada
teasing the purple-headed custard chucker
teasing the python
teasing the Viking
teasing the weasel
teasing the weenie
teeing off
tenderizing my meat
tenderizing the tube steak
test-firing the meat missle
testicular tensile strength test
testing the hand cream dispenser
testing the testicles
testing my batteries
that crazy hand jive
the art of Unisex
the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver
the five digit disco
the five-knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe
the five-finger hustle with Russel the one-eyed love muscle
the serta solo
the sticky page rhumba
thrashing the weasel
threading a needle
throbbing the knob
throwin' down
throwing a shower
throwing off a batch
throwing one
throwing the hamster against the wall
throwing up mayo
throwing my hand on the bed and raping it
thumping the pump
thumping my pud
thwackin' the sack
tickle the Elmo
tickling my fancy
tickling the dragon's tail
tickling the ivory
tickling the one-eyed weasel
tickling the pickle
tickling the Polish salmon
toilet sailing
torkin' the fork
torqueing the turtle
torturing the tentacle
tossing off
tossing the boss
tossing the salad
tossing the sauce
tossing the snag
tossing the spam javelin
tossing the turkey
tossing the white ball
tossing yogurt
touching the penis
treating myself right
trolling for the one-eyed walleye
trolling for trouser trout
trouser snake CPR
trouser trout dancing lesson
tube sock tango
tug of war with Cyclops
tuggin' the timber
tugging Mount Love
tugging my tubesteak
tugging old beater
tugging the rope
tugging the slug
tugging the tapioca tube
tugging the tossle
tugging the turkey
tuning my horn
tuning my organ
tuning the antenna
Turning Japanese
turning on my fire hose
tussle with my muscle
tussling the Muscle
twanging the wire
tweaking my twinkie
twisting my crank
twisting my tool
typing with one hand
uncorking the bottle
underarm javelin in the meat olympics
unloading the gun
unmasking Darth Vader
unsheathing the pork sword
unwrapping the pepperoni
using the Force on Darth Vader
using the force on my meat saber
using the ol' 1 wood
varnishing the cane
varnishing the flagpole
vibrating the viper and making him spit poison
violating the hedge-hog
visiting Old Faithful
visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters
visiting the five-fingered widow
wacking a lap
wacking off
wacking the one-eyed worm
wacking the paddle
wacking the weasel
wacking the weiner
wacking the willie
wagging the dog
wakey wakey hands off snakey
waking the dead
Waking Wee Willie Winkle
walking the dog
walking the plank
walking the snake
walking Wally the one-eyed wonder worm
Waltzing with Willy
wanking off
wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel
warming up the altar boy's dinner
washing the elephant's trunk
washing the meat
washing the wolverine
wasting my wad
watching the geyser
Waving the Magic Wand
waxing my Jackson
waxing my surfboard
waxing my weasel
waxing my Willy
waxing Pedro
waxing the beanpole
waxing the car
waxing the carrot
waxing the dolphin
waxing the flipper
waxing the old goal post
waxing the rocket
whackin' the weasel
whacking it
whacking off
whacking the axe
whacking Willy
whacking my tack
whippin' the whopper
whipping off
whipping skippy
whipping the balls
whipping the bishop
whipping the dummy
whipping the one-eyed trouser snake
whipping the one-eyed wonder weasel
whipping the pony
whipping the rat
whipping the stiff
whipping the walrus
whipping the window washer
whipping the wire
whipping up a batch
whipping up some sour cream
whipping Willy the one-eyed wonder-worm
whipping my dripper
white-water wristing
whittling the stick
whizzin' jism
whomping the walrus
wiggling my worm
winding my watch
winding the Jack in the Box
windsurfing on Mount Baldy
wonking my conker
wonking my donk
workin' out a stiff joint
working a cramp out of my muscle
working off
working off a batch
working out my problems
working overtime at the meat factory
working up a batch
working my Willy
wrapping my hand around my cock and blowing a load all over my mother
wrestling the alligator
wrestling the eel
wrestling the gator
wrestling the one-eyed monster
wrestling the purple-headed warrior
wrestling with Jimmy
wrestling with the bald champ
wrestling with the one-eyed superhero
wringing out my rope
wringing the weasel
wringing my thing
wringing my weasel
wrist aerobics
Yank my Doodle (It's a Dandy)
yankin' it
yankin' my chain
yankin' my Franklin
yanking my chain
yanking my crank
yanking my plank
yanking my Yoda
yanking off
yanking the crank
yanking the doodle
yanking the yoyo
yogurt slinging
zipper Olympics
zygote spraying

I'm alright. Don't nobody worry bout me.
Posts: 10768 | Location: Michigan | Registered: April 27, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
really is wicked
Picture of St.Barbarella
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Ooooh, there's a linguistically study right there - male masturbation and its slang relating to violence.


Sexy Tart.
Buys Ale, Reads Books, And Really Enjoys Leaving Lovers Aching - JP

yes, University is all about incontinence - Mythos

You are a Tradesman. Long before labor unions, your guilds were powerful enough to make a free-market capitalist run away screaming. Who controls the British Crown? Who keeps the metric system down? You do, you do.
Posts: 11561 | Location: ooop norrff | Registered: May 09, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
The Lost Singer of ABBA
Picture of moni
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for all those who speak german: here's a whole song with euphemisms for penis

"das zwischen den Beinen"
Posts: 633 | Location: my sofa, austria | Registered: December 09, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
enlightened website user
Picture of the other duncan
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The computer-related wanking slang never quite felt right ... er, doesn't have the staying power ... doesn't stand up under pressure ... (crap.)

swapping the floppy
formatting the stick drive
unloading the hard disk (disk?!? what the hell?)
resetting the dip switch
deleting the cache
creating a new PGP key
a hard reset

you see my point.

(not his real name)
Posts: 6861 | Location: darned eff I know | Registered: June 12, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Great wyrm of Toronto
Picture of Mythos
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Clearing out the ducts.

You can't take the sky from me.
Posts: 6059 | Location: Canada | Registered: July 11, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Posts: 371 | Registered: June 12, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of NicholasRidiculous
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Twilight Minotaur could be a good one.

There's more to life than books, you know, but not much more.
Posts: 275 | Registered: December 31, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Whimsical Bojangles.

Orange is the color of my revolution.
Posts: 32 | Location: Within striking distance. | Registered: June 13, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
enlightened website user
Picture of the other duncan
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Originally posted by Parkaboy:
Whimsical Bojangles.

"Don't mind me; I'm merely invigorating the Whimsical Bojangles, sir"

(not his real name)
Posts: 6861 | Location: darned eff I know | Registered: June 12, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Misused handkerchief mender
Picture of SGT Crash
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Purple headed yogurt slinger.

"You guys are nuts" Homer Jay Simpson

Head of the Department of Theoretical and Advanced Methods of Procrastination and Overseer of Laziness Studies at the UUP
Posts: 3647 | Location: Bottom of a bottle of Mt. Dew | Registered: March 29, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Throbbing dog raper.
Posts: 371 | Registered: June 12, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
has no member title
Picture of His Noodle Girl
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Optimus Prime!
(Actually, most Transformer names)

This message has been edited. Last edited by: His Noodle Girl,

I like it maybe 63 percent!
Posts: 15475 | Location: Bouncing round in bathrooms! | Registered: October 19, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Melittosphex sapiens
Picture of Hive
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Originally posted by TwiliteMinotaur:
Throbbing dog raper.

*edges slowly away from Twi*

*takes dog with me*

"bring on the be-tentacled oppressors" - fluffyllama
Posts: 15845 | Registered: April 12, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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