*cue singing puppets and the woman playing Gary Coleman*

So, why does it suck to be you?

Sucks to be me because I just got rejected from the PhD program I applied to (and got rejected from one last year) and now I'm thinking that Grad Programs here in the states just don't think I'm good enough (even if they do in the UK). So now I'm stuck in a temp job I hate with no idea where to go or what I want to do and I think I may have to end up moving in with my parents again.

Not to mention the fact that I'm dating a very nice guy for whom I have no chemical reaction, at all.

*~*hugs Megsish*~*

...

I don't have any words,
just more
*hugs*
and some
~vibes~

~~hugs megsish too~~

i'm not going to list why it sucks to be me, because you can basically get that just from reading any random collection of my posts here anyway. but:

quote:

Originally posted by megsish:

Not to mention the fact that I'm dating a very nice guy for whom I have no chemical reaction, at all.

what does this mean? everyone talks about "chemistry" but i have absolutely no concept of it. i do not feel "chemistry." can you describe it?

chemistry? part of it is that you make each other laugh about things that if *anyone* else said, they wouldn't be funny. part of it is that thing where you catch their eye, and you know that right up til that moment, neither of you were thinking of sex and suddenly you are. part of it is, for me, that when i'm with the person in question, i feel like there's a whole different bit of me that doesn't exist unless i'm in the room with them, and that it's a bit of me that not only doesn't exist when i'm not with them, it's a bit of me i can't even *imagine* when i'm not with them. (this is not necessarily a good thing. AMAZING chemistry kept me in a horrible, abusive, nasty awful kind of relationship for a year past the time i should have given up on it)

that's the chemistry i'm looking for in a partner. i look for something slightly different in a friend. not sure i can quite describe it, because it's different with each friend i have. but don't you even feel chemistry with friends, cobalt?

I'd say chemistry is that feeling that you really want to be near someone and spend time with them. You look forward to doing so. Sexual chemistry would be the same thing, but with the added ache of wanting to lick various parts of their body.

That's how it is for me anyway... For the sexual chemistry, you can replace licking with touching or whatever, but it's that urge that counts.

yes! physical contact, sexual or not, is a big part of it for me too.

i would say it is that low buzzing sensation in the pit of my stomach whenever they are near, or on the phone, or on im - in anyway paying attention to me. When the smell of them on my pillow or the sound of their voice makes me miss touching them. When just the thought of touch between us makes me want them. THAT'S chemistry for me.

hm. i don't know. i recently had a discussion with a friend about what we look for and value in friendships. she was going on about some kind of emotional stuff that i didn't really understand, whereas apparently i am more interested in being mutually entertaining and intellectually stimulating. is that shallow?

megsish: i'm sorry for hijacking your thread.

Hm, Cobalt the more I listen to you the more you remind me of Son+.

is that good or bad?

quote:

Originally posted by Cobalt:
hm. i don't know. i recently had a discussion with a friend about what we look for and value in friendships. she was going on about some kind of emotional stuff that i didn't really understand, whereas apparently i am more interested in being mutually entertaining and intellectually stimulating. is that shallow?

megsish: i'm sorry for hijacking your thread.

Well, that's it right there...

I don't think it's shallow. If it makes you want to be with someone, then it's chemistry.

quote:

Originally posted by Cobalt:
is that good or bad?

Well, I think my kid's great, but his Asperger's stuff has a lot of the same disconnect with the emotional pieces and he and his friends also focus on the entertaining and intellectually stimulating because usually they don't "get" the other.
It's always interesting watching them in social settings- where I can read people and adjust my behavior accordingly almost as easily as breathing- and with as little thought- they need to observe, think about it and intellectually pick out (and hopefully deliver) an appropriate response.

Cobalt, I'm a bit like that as well, as is Christy. I mean, we've both said that our hearts jump in our chests a bit when we see each other at the end of the day, and it's a feeling that I really hope never goes away, but we connect primarily on an intellectual level. If Christy and I couldn't carry on talking until three in the morning about whether or not Roar, Buffy and Firefly all take place in the same plane of existence, I think we could still be very much in love, but it wouldn't be near as much fun.

it's interesting. i mean, i've certainly had that "butterflies in the stomach / heart jumping in my chest" feeling, but for me it's a tremendously unpleasant sensation and i'd do almost anything to avoid it.

i don't think i've quite got Asperger's (fortunately) but i definitely don't pick up on most non-verbal cues, and the way that other people relate to each other emotionally is totally beyond the scope of my capacity to understand it.

That's my experience with love in general. If it's unrequited or impossible to consummate it's a tremendously unpleasant sensation that, contrary to a lot of other things, is impossible to intellectualise away.

genetics

So yeah, I'm posting in both threads.
1. genetics
2. Having a child hood that still stms gives me hang-ups
3. Having the person I really like not like me quite as much.
4. The cuts in AHRC funding.

But as I said in the other thread, without these things, I would 't appreciate the good things.
I'd also probably a blander person & I would n't know that I can survive bad things. So it both does and does n't suck to be me. And I would n't have myself any other way, though I'm sure there are posters here who can articulate these ideas better.

It sucks to be me because:
1. my new hairdo. trust me, its weird.

It sucks to be me because
1. chronic incurable illnesses
2. I'm very socially awkward
3. psychological problems