Dear Cobalt,

I've been falling in love for most of my adult life. well, three times in my life. i really really enjoy the company of women, and seem to be unable to keep away from them.

Any thoughts?
yours in expectation
Mischief

Dear Cobalt,

I get crushes very easily and yet i can never tell whether there is any mutual affection, or just wishful thinking on my part. Some of these crushes have lasted for over 10 years it doesn't seem that not actually seeing the crush very often makes a difference to me. Is this normal is there anything i can do about it?

I sincerly await your reply,
Hal.

wow! i've always thought that i should have my own advice column. i'd be kind of like a cross between Dan Savage and Doctor Laura...if those two could come anywhere near each other without exploding. whee!

ok, here we go; i'll seriously try to be helpful.

quote:

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Originally posted by Little Miss Mischief:
Dear Cobalt,

I've been falling in love for most of my adult life. well, three times in my life. i really really enjoy the company of women, and seem to be unable to keep away from them.

Any thoughts?
yours in expectation
Mischief

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i don't think it's necessary to keep away from women if you enjoy their company just because you're afraid of falling in love with them. just be careful; stay on the lookout for signs of danger. attraction is relatively safe, even soft crushes can be kept under control. but that's the secret, it's keeping crushes under control. it can be very pleasant to be fond of someone, but if you make a concerted effort to keep it on that level, outlining for yourself all the reasons that it couldn't work out, attempting not to allow fantasy scenarios to play out in your mind, looking for little flaws to break the facade, you should probably be able to steer clear of love. love can't get you unless you allow it to.

quote:

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Originally posted by halucinagenia:
Dear Cobalt,

I get crushes very easily and yet i can never tell whether there is any mutual affection, or just wishful thinking on my part. Some of these crushes have lasted for over 10 years it doesn't seem that not actually seeing the crush very often makes a difference to me. Is this normal is there anything i can do about it?

I sincerly await your reply,
Hal.

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i'm the same way, actually...i have no ability to read the opposite sex, i can never ever tell if there's any interest. i tend to decide that there isn't because it's just easier that way, and then i don't have to worry about it. that might work for you too. however, if you don't like that idea, there's always flat out telling the person. "hey, i fancy you." or the ever-popular "i used to have a big crush on you." that's a good one, because you admit your feelings without having to admit that they're still going on, and it makes it a lot easier for a person to reciprocate without having to let your own guard down too much.

i hope that helps.

wow, this is fun!

Dear Cobalt,

I was married once against my will. A Great Old Thing with a good personality (but not much in the looks department) ruptured my marriage and protected me from oh so helpful people who kept trying to suture it.

I'm very grateful to him and all, but now he won't leave me alone! I've tried reasoning with him, arguing with him, giving him the cold shoulder, being too mooshy with him, and he's still clinging to me like some mindless hungry cephalopod! It's driving me mad -- MAD!! I tell you.

Please help.
Lurve Maure

Dear Maure,

this is what we in the business call "out of the frying pan, into the fire." yes, this shining knight from R'lyeh swept down and rescued you, but at what cost? one needs to learn to choose one's battles in life.

as i see it, you have three options. first, learn to live with your new Great Old One. he must have some positive qualities that you are overlooking. perhaps he's a wonderful cook? or has a delightful singing voice?

second, you could summon, say, Hastur, or someone else from the creature's past, with whom he might have some painful memories associated. this might be enough to force a confrontation -- not only between two evil space-gods, but with his own feelings.

third, you could make yourself unbearable to live with. try leaving pantyhose hanging on the shower curtain, keeping feminine products around in plain view, or asking questions with no possible right answer, such as "do i look fat in these pants?" or "where is this relationship going, REALLY?" no one could possibly put up with that kind of thing indefinitely.

so in conclusion, you were clearly better off with that first guy. good luck!

*off snickering quietly in a corner*

teeheehee!!

you win, that was good.

yay!

*takes a bow*

So, Cobalt, what do you call it when 3 girls are in a quiet, unspoken snarling match over 1 guy (who is currently dating the alpha female of said 3) and the guy looks like he's kinda freaking out and starting to avoid all three of you, or possibly just avoiding 1 of you (that is, me) when one of the other two are around?

I won't bother asking what I should do, because even if I knew, I probably wouldn't do it.

i'd call it silly. it's pointless to cultivate crushes on other people's boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses.

my advice would be to stop making everyone uncomfortable and get over it.

also, how come 3 girls have never been interested in me at the same time? most of the time it's zero, if i'm lucky. maybe i need to write a letter to myself.

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Originally posted by Cobalt:
also, how come 3 girls have never been interested in _me_ at the same time?

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"i have no ability to read the opposite sex, i can never ever tell if there's any interest. i tend to decide that there isn't because it's just easier that way, and then i don't have to worry about it."

haha, d'oh!!

but seriously, i'd probably be able to figure out something like THAT, wouldn't i?

Dear Cobalt,

How can I get the ladies to love me too?

Dear Freak,

be tall, good looking, and rich.

quote:

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Originally posted by Cobalt:
Dear Freak,

be tall, good looking, and rich.

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Ah. I see. So that whole thing about having depth and intelligence is misleading, eh?
But wait...you're deep and intelligent...dammit, I'm confoozed again...

quote:

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Originally posted by Cobalt:
i'd call it silly. it's pointless to cultivate crushes on other people's boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses.

my advice would be to stop making everyone uncomfortable and get over it.

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Yeah, tried that. It stays uncomfortable. Snarling still happens. Quietly, more or less impreceptible to anyone not directly involved. I'm actually the one who's tacitly agreed not to pull anything until such time as they break up. Beta Female #2 is the one who's most actively aggressive.

quote:

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also, how come 3 girls have never been interested in _me_ at the same time? most of the time it's zero, if i'm lucky. maybe i need to write a letter to myself.

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That's because you're not in Mt. Vernon. We have a large, close-knit geek community here, and the gender ratio is pretty close to 50/50.

Of course, given this, and given that the guys here have to give the girls a damn good reason not to just date one of the other girls, we get them trained up pretty fast. I've seen guys go from greasy trek-nerd to freakin' Don Juan in a matter of a couple years. Get your ass down here to Iowa, come to some CnG meetings, we'll set you right.

Dear Cobalt,

Why?

(incidentally, what it actually looks like from my perspective is that he's avoiding her. But I didn't want to start thinking that because (a) that's exactly what my lizard brain wants my superego to think, and (b) I've never seen how they act when I am not in fact there, so I can't exclude my own or Beta's presence as a factor. But what I've been seeing is kinda really weird. He is giving off mixed signals. It is irritating.)

oh, yeah, and if my words give you the impression that I am a complete moronic social retard with absolutely no firsthand experience in the finer points of male-female interaction, it's because it's true. I'm kinda asking here cause I am too shy to ask anyone who has any knowlege of the situation.