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Originally posted by Circus Freak:

But wait...you're deep and intelligent...dammit, I'm confoozed again...

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yeah, that's why i go two years between kisses.

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Originally posted by VegaRiad:

Yeah, tried that. It stays uncomfortable. Snarling still happens. Quietly, more or less impreceptible to anyone not directly involved. I'm actually the one who's tacitly agreed not to pull anything until such time as they break up. Beta Female #2 is the one who's most actively aggressive.

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the not pulling anything until after they break up is a very good thing to stick to. what you need to do is make it so you don't even think of him as a potential romantic target. like, for example, i don't eat pork. so you can put a ham sandwich in front of me and i won't be tempted to eat it, because i've trained myself in such a way that i don't even really consider it food. it doesn't register in my brain as something edible, so it doesn't entice me at all. you can do the same thing. it takes time and effort, but it's possible. remove him from your psychological sphere of attraction. this may, but doesn't necessarily, involve noticing all the people who aren't him, and aren't similarly unavailable.

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Of course, given this, and given that the guys here have to give the girls a damn good reason not to just date one of the other girls, we get them trained up pretty fast. I've seen guys go from greasy trek-nerd to freakin' Don Juan in a matter of a couple years. Get your ass down here to Iowa, come to some CnG meetings, we'll set you right.

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Iowa, eh...?

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Originally posted by VegaRiad:
oh, yeah, and if my words give you the impression that I am a complete moronic social retard with absolutely no firsthand experience in the finer points of male-female interaction, it's because it's true. I'm kinda asking here cause I am too shy to ask anyone who has any knowlege of the situation.

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bah, i'm a moronic social retard too. i don't know shit from experience, everything i know is either deduced from theoretical principles or gleaned from extensive observation.

ok, i exaggerate a little...i've learned a few things from experience. but honestly, it's only really recently that i've got good at being single again. and i've been single for about three and a half years now. i'm a slow learner from experience. i'm better at sitting around and figuring shit out inside my head.

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Originally posted by Grand Stoic:
Dear Cobalt,

Why?

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For the glory of God.

Dear Cobalt,

Why for the glory of god? What is that about? I don't really understand this as a reason for stuff. and things.

I mean, there's all sorts of stuff i could do, how can i tell what is glorifying god, and what is just giving other people glory?

Yours in expectation
Mischief.

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Originally posted by Mischief Bear - new! just $25:

Why for the glory of god? What is _that_ about? I don't really understand this as a reason for stuff. and things.

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oh, i don't know. i just wanted to respond to "why?" with something besides the obvious, "why not?" or "because." i thought "for the glory of God" was nicely vague yet important seeming.

but just as a general rule, be kind to people and you're doing pretty well.

You're good at this, Cobalt! You should consider doing it as a job...


Dear Cobalt,

I am in love with this girl, and have been for eight years. She's a close friend, but she doesn't return my feelings. Yet the more I think about it, the stronger my feelings get for her. Do you think this is good or right, or should I get out of there while I still can?

Yours,

Thirith


P.S.: I'm mainly interested in your reply - I already know what my course of action is. Just thought I'd get in a second opinion from the expert.

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Originally posted by Thirith:
You're good at this, Cobalt! You should consider doing it as a job...

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thanks! if anyone offered me money to tell people what they should do, i'd definitely take it.

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I am in love with this girl, and have been for eight years. She's a close friend, but she doesn't return my feelings. Yet the more I think about it, the stronger my feelings get for her. Do you think this is good or right, or should I get out of there while I still can?

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that depends; does it bother you that your love isn't reciprocated? does it prevent you from pursuing relationships with other people, that you would otherwise pursue if not for your feelings for your friend? in other words, do you love her for her, or do you love her for you?

if you love her for her, then you appreciate her for being the great person that she is, and that should be enough for you. it won't get in the way of the rest of your life.

but if you love her for you -- that is, if you just enjoy the way that she makes you feel and you want more of it -- then it's probably bad for you to keep on with it as it is. it's only going to get worse if she can't or won't provide the kind of response that you require. stop thinking about it.

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Originally posted by Cobalt:

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I am in love with this girl, and have been for eight years. She's a close friend, but she doesn't return my feelings. Yet the more I think about it, the stronger my feelings get for her. Do you think this is good or right, or should I get out of there while I still can?

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that depends; does it bother you that your love isn't reciprocated? does it prevent you from pursuing relationships with other people, that you would otherwise pursue if not for your feelings for your friend? in other words, do you love her for her, or do you love her for you?

if you love her for her, then you appreciate her for being the great person that she is, and that should be enough for you. it won't get in the way of the rest of your life.

but if you love her for you -- that is, if you just enjoy the way that she makes you feel and you want more of it -- then it's probably bad for you to keep on with it as it is. it's only going to get worse if she can't or won't provide the kind of response that you require. stop thinking about it.

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I like your answer! To answer your questions, though - if I'm absolutely honest, it's a bit of both. Part of me loves her for the way she makes me feel better (and you could argue whether that is indeed love). And that part is sometimes bothered that my feelings aren't reciprocated - it hurts at times, but the hurt comes and goes in waves.

However, at times I know that I'd probably be happier myself if I wasn't in love with her, yet feeling these emotions for her still is what makes most sense to both my brains and my heart. I cannot imagine anyone else in my life while I have these feelings, and I don't want to imagine anyone else - I do sometimes feel attracted to other women, but it's never more than a very fleeting feeling. She is the person I wish I could grow old with, and while that is highly unlikely to happen, I cannot imagine not appreciating her the way I do.

(Anyway, gotta go and call her, since she's on a business trip and all alone in a hotel... )

Dear Cobalt,

I'm miserable with my stupid life. I'm lonely and come from a fucked-up family. I want to fall over dead. I'm whining. What should I do?

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Originally posted by Thirith:

However, at times I know that I'd probably be happier myself if I wasn't in love with her, yet feeling these emotions for her still is what makes most sense to both my brains and my heart. I cannot imagine anyone else in my life while I have these feelings, and I don't want to imagine anyone else - I do sometimes feel attracted to other women, but it's never more than a very fleeting feeling. She is the person I wish I could grow old with, and while that is highly unlikely to happen, I cannot imagine not appreciating her the way I do.

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i really think it would be best for you to attempt to cultivate something with someone else. believe me, i very much understand the whole unreciprocated infatuation thing, but eight years is a goddamned long time. she's holding you ransom, man. she probably isn't doing it on purpose, but it's the same effect. if you know there's no hope for the two of you, then you gotta move on. you can still love her, if you want. but try something with someone else. it doesn't have to be someone you can necessarily see yourself with forever. most relationships don't last that long. but if you really want to, it's easy to fall in love with pretty much anyone. if that's something that's important to you.

but i promise that if you keep on like this, one day you will HATE this girl for keeping you in this state for so long, and it won't even be her fault. when it goes sour, you're going to want to die. let it remain nice. meet someone else. seriously. on this one, i know what i'm talking about. from experience.

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Originally posted by Mister Dressup:
Dear Cobalt,

I'm miserable with my stupid life. I'm lonely and come from a fucked-up family. I want to fall over dead. I'm whining. What should I do?

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oh, i know about whining too. i'm King of Whining. and falling over dead, too.

but i think i need more information. when are you lonely? what's wrong with your family, and why does that bother you so much? what do you want in your life that's missing?

but my general advice, absent these answers, is: do good. help people when you can. if you see something is broken, try to fix it. most of the the time when i'm depressed, it's because i've been thinking about myself too much. think about other people instead, for a while. see what happens.

Dear Cobalt,

What colour are your eyes?

sort of hazelish-brownish. and yours?

Dear Cobalt,

I've been feeling kind of down lately. I'm not entirely sure how to explain it, but I feel kind of unfulfilled. I want to do something other than sit in my room playing video games, surfing the net and reading books, but I simply don't know what. I'm not into outdoors, and, while I'm an extremely friendly person, After a while people just bore me.

Any suggestions?

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Originally posted by Dark Mark:
Dear Cobalt,

I've been feeling kind of down lately. I'm not entirely sure how to explain it, but I feel kind of unfulfilled. I want to do something other than sit in my room playing video games, surfing the net and reading books, but I simply don't know what. I'm not into outdoors, and, while I'm an extremely friendly person, After a while people just bore me.

Any suggestions?

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yeah. i've been thinking about homeless people lately. it's getting cold out there. want to volunteer at a shelter, maybe?

If the house were mine to share I'd consider it...

Dear Cobalt,

You've given me a lot to think about. Thanks!

*offers a toast to Cobalt*

To the most unlikely agony aunt in history!

*drinks and falls over*

Dear Cobalt,

I am incredibly low on self-esteem and am always thinking that no matter how hard I try, no one will be particularly bothered if I disappear and am never heard of again. I also feel that everyone looks at me and thinks how ugly and horrid I look. Especially now I’ve just got a new haircut and look like Harry Potter (but without the glasses). I also feel that I come off as annoying.

What to do?

Yours sincerely

StBarbarella