Neil Gaiman www.NeilgaimanBoard.com www.NeilgaimanBoard.com The World's End FLAME WARS Unsent correspondence: Letters you might or might not send; le deux.
www.NeilgaimanBoard.com www.NeilgaimanBoard.com The World's End FLAME WARS Unsent correspondence: Letters you might or might not send; le deux.|
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Assistant *fwap*er Member  |
Dear Sir,
When you lean against the desk, with your back to me, just hanging out, you prevent other people from coming to the desk to ask me questions. You talk too loud and disturb me at my work and the dancers in the studio. And you smell. Please go sit in the lobby, which is there for you to hang out in. Thank you. ******************************** The only really sane person in there is Igor, and possibly the turnip. And I'm not so sure about the turnip. ~~ Terry Pratchett |
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was not written by a man named "Cougar" Member  |
To the General Manager at Century Theatre -
When you interviewed me, I gave you specific examples of where I had excelled in previous jobs and how all of them applied to the manager position I was applying for. I gave you a thorough rundown of all my previous management experience, and was able to give you good examples of first hand experience for ever "hypothetical situation" you threw at me. Still, you told me word for word that my management experience "didn't really count for anything" because it was done through my university and not with an actual company. You did say that you would love to have me for an employee, but then never called me back. Two weeks later, I have to track you down at work and hold you to your word for a job, and on my first day meet the most incompetent woman I have ever come across that you hired instead of me! Now, after three weeks of shoveling popcorn, toasting pretzel bits and putting up with bitchy customers who refuse to understand that it wasn't me personally who inflated concession prices you have you have the gall to say that you're thinking of "taking me to the next level?" Honestly! I told you that this was only a summer position, but instead of having a decent manager for one of your busiest seasons, you hire a woman who is constantly asking me for help with her job and still doesn't know not to send half the bar on break before the 8 o'clock rush. And then when I told you no, I wasn't impressed with your suggestions (read: practically begging) to only work one day on the weekends and then come back for christmas break. I'm too busy, I live too far away and I've got better jobs waiting for me on campus. You missed the train on this good thing, and now you're stuck with what you've got. Deal. Smugly disgruntled, me ---------------- There was a single blue line of crayon drawn across every wall in the house. "What does it mean?" I asked. "A pirate needs the site of the sea," he said, and then he pulled his eye patch down and turned and sailed away. |
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Member |
Dear you. Yes you, over there.
I want you. Yes, in a sexual way, but also I'd like to get to know you better, and perhaps go out properly. I'd love to know what cuddling you feels like. The thought of how I would kiss you keeps running through my head. I would gently raise your chin, and then press my lips to yours, squeezing your top lip between mine, pulling softly as I move back, and look in your eyes as I see them light up like mine. In short, eeeeeep! ______________________________
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Don't. Blink. Member  |
wow - um - wow.
you should totally tell her that! ------------------------------ "I claim the capacity to doubt." - Herman Wouk ------------------------------- "They warn you about killers and thieves in night I worry about cancer and living right But my mama never warned me about my own Destructive appetite" - Jenny Lewis "Happy" |
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Member |
Or just show her.
 ______________________________
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is in perfect karmic alignment Member  |
She totally deserves to be kissed like that.
End of story. ~You are a *Taverner*. Sometimes patrons want to go where everybody knows their names, though it helps when half of them are named John. When people want to celebrate, or commiserate, they gather to your establishment. You provide the atmosphere, the warmth, rum, and even an ear to bend. Did I mention the rum? Years before the language will be mangled with terms like facilitator and networking and interpersonal communication, you've overseen it all, and broken up a few bar fights, to boot.~ -Royko |
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Member |
Yeah, she really really does.
 I think I've gone all soft. I never used to be the touchy-feely type. ______________________________
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is in perfect karmic alignment Member |
...practice
 ~You are a *Taverner*. Sometimes patrons want to go where everybody knows their names, though it helps when half of them are named John. When people want to celebrate, or commiserate, they gather to your establishment. You provide the atmosphere, the warmth, rum, and even an ear to bend. Did I mention the rum? Years before the language will be mangled with terms like facilitator and networking and interpersonal communication, you've overseen it all, and broken up a few bar fights, to boot.~ -Royko |
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Member |
Oh I will.
 ______________________________
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Assistant *fwap*er Member |
Dear Dance Parents,
It is good for your children to, every once in a while, take a class combined with a lower level. It reinforces techniques that they get lazy with. I have no control over what the artistic director decides to do with the classes. If you're upset that your little brat is taking a class that is too "easy" for her, don't bitch about it to me. I can't do anything about it. Fed up, Me ******************************** The only really sane person in there is Igor, and possibly the turnip. And I'm not so sure about the turnip. ~~ Terry Pratchett |
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Wigber Member  |
Dear Team Managers-
Look. I realize that you are busy people. I realize that you do a lot that I don't see here, keeping things running smoothly, etc. But all I want is to know whats going on with my time off requests. I've only been emailing you for... about 2 weeks asking about these. I need to know whats going on, because the days I need off start in two weeks from tomorrow. I realize, J, that you are not actually my Team Manager. But mine is out of commission due to awful family circumstances, so you gotta pick up that slack. Honestly, how much time does it take to send an email saying, "Hey I got your notes, I'm looking into this for you." Getting Really Frustrated... -your employee ____________________________ Future First Lady of Cyberspace Green Robot World the Canadian half of Minobot! |
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Great wyrm of Toronto Member  |
Dear Boy:
You remember that letter I never sent you. Well, you wouldn't. So let me send you another thing that you will never see. I thought you were just over-exuberant, with more than a share of youthful arrogance. But now I know that, what you really are, is an asshole. You have no idea what you're playing around with, little boy. Feelings like that should not be played around with. You really do have a lot of growing up to do, only ... I don't really know if I want to see the man you will become. Any sympathy I might have had for you is gone. Good day. ______________________________ Do not leave me with a bowl of anything for an extended period of time. |
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Member |
Dear Transit Workers,
Please don't go on strike. Please, please, please, please,please, please,please, please,please, please, don't go on strike. We have no car, we have few friends with cars. We NEED the bus to get around. I cannot ride a bike when I'm 9mo. pregnant. I cannot walk that far when I'm 9mo. pregnant. Please, please, please don't go on strike. -helpless J.L. ______________________________ I wear the cheese, the cheese does not wear me. |
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Member |
Dear Ex,
stop blaming me for everything that's gone wrong ever. I made a mistake, and it hurt us both, but that does not give you license to lodge me in with all the other men in your life. You've insulted me over and over again and even made me feel like half a person when I was with you. You make me feel like I'm not allowed to feel hurt, yet when I tried to remain calm about the breakup you called me emotionless and manipulative. You clearly didn't hear me screaming and yelling. I wish I'd never met you or even spoken to you. I pretended you weren't a bad person, but you are. I wished you were that girl I imagined you to be, but you never were and you never will be. You hurt and lie and cheat and steal from people, but get outraged whenever anyone does the same to you. Your close group of friends can do no wrong, but anyone else gets judged impossibly harshly. You're just a collection of disorders, bitterness, hypocrisy and neuroses. All I did was once think of someone who wasn't you, and that was enough to make me burst into tears and confess to you. I felt like a cheat, but I have never cheated on anyone. I hardly even cheated in my head, I just pictured a girl I used to go out with, and we didn't even imaginarily kiss. This was clearly grounds to dump me, and claim the moral highground when you have done far far worse things in real life. Even giving you a little white lie makes me feel physically ill, that's how loyal I have been to you, and you repay me by calling me a cheat, and telling the world how I'm just like all the men who have hurt you. You're an idiot. You found someone so honest and so true to you that they couldn't keep anything from you, and you couldn't handle that. Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it. I'm just glad I don't have to bite my tongue anymore whenever you talk about never getting a job and living off the government, or telling me off for treating people with respect. I never want to see or hear from you again. Lots of love, Syme. P.S. Fuck you. ______________________________
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Great wyrm of Toronto Member |
Dear Syme:
My sincere sympathies. You can do, and what I've read are doing a lot better. Take care of yourself, and do what you must. *Hugs* Sincerely, Mythos ______________________________ Do not leave me with a bowl of anything for an extended period of time. |
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Surprise Inspector Member  |
dear syme:
she sounds like an idiot and a bad human being at that. good on you for keeping her in the "ex" box. from Limer "Are you a princess? I said & she said I'm much more than a princess, but you don't have a name for it yet here on earth." -Brian Andreas Limertilly: A pagan deity forgotten by man and therefore banished to the realms of memory and darkness now remembered by a young girl in downtown L.A. in the form of a dream and therefore freed to reap your revenge on the people who discarded you, thereby forcing said girl to learn to use her innate yet awesome powers as a soothsayer to gather forces of the Earth to defy you and once more banish you to your cold, cold prisoooooon |
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Oestre sparagmos! Member  |
*hugesqueezyhugs* i don't really know what else to say. feel better soon, yeah?
____________________________________________________ Did you know? When it snows, my eyes become large and the light that you shine can't be seen. wanted: someone to listen and respond to random opinions from a random personality. not TOO serious, please. people who think they're reeeeeeeally funny need not apply, because they so rarely are. ~ Limertilly http://www.flickr.com/photos/fionchadd/ - there are actually some photos here now (shock!) |
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has no member title Member  |
Good Lord, she sounds insane, Syme.
Hope you get a normal, fun, decent girl instead, soon. They aren't that easy to find among all the hysterics, but they exist!__ The brickchewing, camera flaunting restroom saint formerly known as Babylon the Bride |
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Member |
Thanks.
I'm pretty touched that you guys care. It's been a hard decision, cutting her out of my life, but it's helped.______________________________
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is in perfect karmic alignment Member |
Hon she sounds like a destructive demanding and impossible woman. It looks very much like you did the right thing.
::manyhugs:: ~You are a *Taverner*. Sometimes patrons want to go where everybody knows their names, though it helps when half of them are named John. When people want to celebrate, or commiserate, they gather to your establishment. You provide the atmosphere, the warmth, rum, and even an ear to bend. Did I mention the rum? Years before the language will be mangled with terms like facilitator and networking and interpersonal communication, you've overseen it all, and broken up a few bar fights, to boot.~ -Royko |
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Neil Gaiman www.NeilgaimanBoard.com www.NeilgaimanBoard.com The World's End FLAME WARS Unsent correspondence: Letters you might or might not send; le deux.
www.NeilgaimanBoard.com www.NeilgaimanBoard.com The World's End FLAME WARS Unsent correspondence: Letters you might or might not send; le deux.© YourCopy 2001