dear barack obama,
please dont just cater to the big media types that are going to be in springfield on saturday. i understand that you are a presidential hopeful, and a historic one at that, but remember that once, you, like every other legislature in illinois had to come to springfield, and that yes, you too used the ymca at the discount rate, and as a representative of springfield, it would be nice if you would grant the lincoln land community college newspaper as well as the uis newspaper a quick interview, just for old times sake? after all, we elected you first

quote:

Originally posted by Mythos:
Hmm .., he could be useful for my dorm room.

If only for the psychological effect.

You want to leave the blood on, don't you?

Dear Landlady:

Jamming the broken lock so that I can no longer open it does not equal fixing the lock. I told you the windows and locks were a problem, and you said you fixed it. Pray tell me, then, why one of the windows fell out?

Fix it. Sooner rather than later, please.

Hey, Brain-

get past that last sentence you wrote, get the girl out of her problems or at least write more.
you are finishing this story because it is turning out good.
-me

Dear hubby's friend,

I don't like you. I don't trust you. Even though you've always behaved like a man should.
I think it's the way you quirk the corners of your mouth when you talk about people dumber than you, more hopeless than you, lazier than you or in other ways not as successful than you. Since you are quite the alpha man, there are a lot of people in that category, me included.
I can't help feeling that you feel superior to both me and him.
You get a kick out of making a career and out of destroying people who try to manipulate against you. I think you make an excellent manager, and an excellent boss. Maybe you even make an excellent friend as you have always been loyal and helpful. But I can't get over the feeling of being looked down on.
And I'm not even sure hubby really likes you. But it is important to have friends and that is why I am always going to promote this friendship. I just wanted to have said it.

Me.

Dear Infection



Please go away, you are bugging me. Don't make me resort to antibiotics.



A slightly swollen jawed Me

Dear hangover,

Hey, where are you? I was expcting you sometime this morning but no word! You could have at least done something just for the look of the thing!

Domi

dear mum and mum's fella.

stop making me want to bury an ice pick in your respective brains. i'm glad that you're both really happy with each other, but all this sickeningly cute in front of an embittered and lonely single person is just cruel.

from

me.

Randomly putting in that I am clueless and confused as well...but then, that's my normal state of being most of the time!

And now my actual letter:

Dear last-minute-customer at work last night

We close at 7. That's 7, not five after. So if you come in at *three minutes too* don't expect us to be able to give you the same service we'd be able to if you came in when we weren't totally swamped with closing duties and wanting to go home.

More importantly: You saw that I was already in my uniform for my second job. You heard me thank the two customers in front of you for being kind enough to pay with plastic since and I quote :"I've already cashed out this till, and a cash sale now means I have to recount the whole thing, and I've got to get out of here on time so that I can get to my other job."

You heard me say that. I know you did, because you acknowledged it AS YOU INSISTED ON PAYING WITH A DAMN $50 bill!

And not caring about it! And then when I honestly start that crazy hysterical-I-don't-believe-this half-crying-panicked laughter that indicates a state of severe stress, you don't offer to pay in plastic. No you just offer to get change from your car ( which would have taken longer), and look totally clueless as to what I'm upset about, and then ask me how I'm getting to work. Asking me this indicates that you KNEW the situation, and I knew damn well you'd be standing there to hear me repeat it to the previous two customers. In response to this question, I tell you I have a taxi coming at 5 after and what is your response? Oh, that it's only 3 minutes to and that's plenty of time!

For your information, by the time I leave my first job to get to my second, I'm already late. My boss starts paying *from* seven, I run between two jobs and eat and change on the run. I do have a life, and you have nothing to do with it and it wouldn't kill you to have some common courtesy. Also for your information, it takes ten minutes to fully finish closing duties and it takes more than five minutes to properly float out and double check a till, even when you're very good at it like I am.

Thanks to you, I had to recount the entire till, TWICE, was late for my taxi, had to wolf down half of a semi-stale sub for dinner *and* was ten minutes later for touring than I had to be.

And then you have the gall to call my manager this morning and complain that I'd been inconsiderate to you in not immediately accommodating your need to pay in a large bill three minutes before closing. I was told it was "your right" to do something so incredably inconviencing and inconsderate. Which leaves me wondering, when do the cashiers start having rights???

It is obvious that you have NEVER set foot behind a retail counter sir. It is obvious that you have NO consideration for the schedules and lives of your fellow human beings. If you are so intent on getting slaving customer service, come to the store during business hours, closing time doesn't mean "except you."

Thank you,
The hardware clerk whose night AND morning you wrecked.

What an arse, LadyJ! May whatever he bought drop heavily on his foot and break his toe.

(not addressed to anybody on this board)

fuck you, you bastard offspring of a syphilitic goatwhore.

quote:

Originally posted by Hive-mind:
What an arse, LadyJ! May whatever he bought drop heavily on his foot and break his toe.

It was keys. I find myself hoping they don't work and he locks himself out of his house..

I was just so pissed that he called the manager on me. I mean...talk about petty. Most people would *understand* a clerk's disgruntlement in that situation.

Dear Lady J's Late Customer:

If there were any justice in the physical or metaphysical world, I hope you find yourself chained to a front counter where you have to deal with idiots just like yourself who keep you from more constructive and healthier pursuits in dealing their idiocy. And all the while, I hope you are afraid of just one mistake and having your boss give *you* hell for not doing *your* job -- which is, in essence, taking abuse with very little in the way of compensation.

So kindly shut up, and join the ranks of the silent and unseen thankless where you belong.

unkindly yours

P.S. Did I mention there are to be no bathroom breaks?

Dear Toxic Ex Who I Haven't Really Thought About in At Least 3 Years:

So...you're moving to my city. And you got a job that, had I not taken a break from looking for theatre jobs, I should have gotten. And I just found out you got married.

I'm happy for you. I am. It pisses me off that I wasn't ontop of things when it came to the whole job hunt thing, but that isn't your fault. It also pisses me off that I am not married yet, and you are, but again, not your fault. Your new wife looks quite pretty, by the way. Congratulations.

What really concerns me is that we will inevitibly cross paths at some point, what with us both involved with theatre, and with there only being so many places to do theatre around here. More than likely, at some point, we'll get cast in a show together. And when that happens, I truly hope that we'll be able to work together amicably. I don't see why we wouldn't, actually. You are very good at keeping your emotions close to your vest, and I pride myself in being professional. But I should think that crossing paths will be stressful at first.

So...welcome to Toledo. Good luck with the new job. And the new marriage. See you soon, possibly.


Al.

PS: How did you get so chubby???

quote:

Originally posted by Lady Jasmine:

quote:

Originally posted by Hive-mind:
What an arse, LadyJ! May whatever he bought drop heavily on his foot and break his toe.

It was keys. I find myself hoping they don't work and he locks himself out of his house..

I was just so pissed that he called the manager on me. I mean...talk about petty. Most people would *understand* a clerk's disgruntlement in that situation.

ack! please tell me your manager didn't side with the prick? jeez.

may he lose his keys and show up at three minutes after closing next time.

Dear phone,
Stop ringing. I am too tired to deal with you.

Thank you.

quote:

Originally posted by Al-Aura:

PS: How did you get so chubby???

*discreet cough*

Ahem.

bwaahaaahahahahaha

Dear Lard

I think I love you.

Love From me.

Dear Resident Genius of All Things,

Wikipedia describes you as:
- Know-it-all or know-all is an epithet applied to any person who exhibits the belief that he or she possesses a superior intellect and wealth of knowledge, and shows a determination to demonstrate his perceived superiority at every opportunity.

and also this:
- Brainy Smurf fancies himself as the all-around-brain of the village. Although he acts as though he is second-in-command behind Papa Smurf, this isn't the case and even Papa Smurf doesn't seem very fond of his sanctimonious attitude. In fact he could be considered as the class swot or know-it-all. ... Loquacious, he often uses big words that he himself either made up or doesn't know what they really mean. A lot of the other smurfs dislike him, and when he enters into a long bout of lecturing, some frustrated smurf often angrily smashes him on the head with a big wooden mallet. Frequently, in the cartoon, after his blathering or posturing have gone too far, he is thrown a long distance (typically by Hefty Smurf) and always lands square on his head, usually outside of the village.

So I'm trying to put a comic spin on it because I think deep down you're pretty much a fool. It is sick that a person can only feel good about themselves if they see themselves as being superior to the rest of us. I guess its really your personal sickness, and it just impacts everyone around you.

Blech. Enough time spent listening to you and thinking about what you say. Its time for the iPod and earbuds to block out your noise pollution.

Sincerely,
Feels Sorry For You and Your Special Needs

quote:

Originally posted by McApathy:

quote:

Originally posted by Lady Jasmine:

quote:

Originally posted by Hive-mind:
What an arse, LadyJ! May whatever he bought drop heavily on his foot and break his toe.

It was keys. I find myself hoping they don't work and he locks himself out of his house..

I was just so pissed that he called the manager on me. I mean...talk about petty. Most people would *understand* a clerk's disgruntlement in that situation.

ack! please tell me your manager didn't side with the prick? jeez.

may he lose his keys and show up at three minutes after closing next time.

She did indeed. I got a nice little wrist slap for it. She wasn't ridiculously upset, and she understood my side of it of course, but I definitely got the "it's his right" and "the customer is always right" speech...