Dear Residential Life -

Get your act together. Your procedure for this sort of thing is total crap. Seriously.

-Disgruntled Student

Dear company,

If I'd wanted idiotic bureaucracy, I would have accepted a job with one of those nice large companies that has a dental plan and 401k matching.

So stop messing with me!

Love and kisses,

Royko

Dear TLOML's company:

Let me make this clear: I don't like you. I don't like that you expect him to be at your beck and call 24/7 and expect him to take the repsonsibilities of at least 3 different employees, yet pay him crap. For the time that he puts in to his job, and th time he has to take away from me and his family, he should be making TWICE, if not THREE TIMES what you are giving him. I don't like that your internal problems make his stress level such that he comes home exhausted every night. I don't like that you have a rediculous vacation schedule that starts based on his hire date versus starting on the new year--he's not an hourly employee, he doesn't accrue vacation hours, so why shouldn't his vacation time refresh when the year does?
Finally, I don't like that you've worn him down so much that he's lost the confidence to look for another job. You had better start realizing the asset you have in him as an employee, and rewarding him accordingly, or you will lose one of the most loyal, hard-working employees you've had, and your clients will be pissed because they are only doing business with you becasue of him, and I will get my company to recruit his sweet ass.

Up yours,

Disgruntled Girlfriend

To Laura,

I thought about you a lot while i was travelling. and i was able to speak about you a lot more than i normally am. I got some good advice from people. and I no longer react quite as disasterously to hearing "wish you were here" unexpectedly. sometimes i even find myself wanting to hear it.

Two years have passed, and so much has changed. but there is still a big you-shaped gap in my world.

I hope you are at peace.

rest easy.

hannah

*hugs Fionn*

Dear you,

I know what you're doing, and I'm pretty sure I know what you'll do next. And I don't seem to be able to stop you.
You know, and I know, that it's horible. That you should... I don't know, talk it over, seek help, SOMETHING. But at the same time I understand why you don't, and they might be perfectly valid reasons, I wouldn't know. But still it seems WRONG. I can't help it. And I want to stop you, and at the same time I'm thinking it's your own decission, except it isn't... It feels as if I'm washing my hands on you, which is such a stupid concept, isn't it?

The only thing I know for sure is that I think it's a horrible thing, a horible situation, and a terrible decision. If we can call it a decisison at all. I wonder what happened to you. And if you can ever go back.

I don't think we can survive this intact, and I'm scared about the price.

All my love,

You

*hugs clover tightly*

Dear X,
no easy way to say it, but I guess we are just not suited. You smoke: I don't, You're a vegetarian, I'm not, but most importantly you have that strange mixture of apathy & idealism that I always find so compelling and yet repulsive at the same time. And tonight, I saw you breaking promises to your friend, I saw you treating your housemate in a frankly appalling manner & all because you want to stay in with your other housemates. That is not the way to keep hold of my heart, quite the opposite in fact. Also, & this is why I won't send this: that housemate you hate so much? I like them. I like them more than I like you.Because I don't catch them sending conflicting texts to different people, because they've been through hell like mine & come through it. And i thought the age gap between us might be ok, but you can't respect or understand what they've been through, so why on earth should I tell you anything?
So sorry,
L

Dear Y,
no you are not mistaken, I do really like you. I'm realising that I picked the wrong person in this house. Please don't freak out that you told me so much, I find you just as easy to talk to. And, I understand, even though you might not think it, because some things that have happened to you have also happened to me.And I really want to tell you not to trust your housemates, but I'm worried how that will come across, I have a conflicting interest, & I think it may make things worse & not better. Um, so I have no idea what I' m going to do, but I really hope you wait, just for a little bit, while I sort my head out.
Thank you,
L

Dear me,
this is going to be awkward however it falls. We 've been here before, & we know the popular decision is n't always the right one. And we now what happened the one & only time you made the popular decision: don't do that again. I guess you feel like you should n't be posting here, but trust me, it will help. I think, in a way, you already know what to do,but have you got the wherewithal to do it?
I hope so,
me.

Women:

I can't figure you out. But you probably already know that.

Dear Universe,

I understand that I have to deal with some pretty big things right now. I understand that in a lot of ways I've made the bed I need to lie in. I get that I have serious work to do, and that most of it won't be easy. However, could you toss me a break now and again? Could you give me some time off/time to enjoy life once in a while so that I remember what the point is? That would be really great. Thanks.

dear you,

i wish we were still friends. i don't know if that'll happen again. i don't know what you have to figure out. or if you think we'll ever be friends again. you'd make an ace weasel unusual.

i often wonder how you are and what you've been up to. i know you are unhappy. it sucks. hard to stand by. but there's all this stuff. i don't think its been sorted. probably can't be friends until that. who knows.

hope things get better.

yer friend.

Dear Body:

I've been very very good; I'm not cheating on my diet at all. I know that all the insulin floating around in there makes you think that I'm still an adolescent needing to grow, but, seriously, I'm not, and I'm starving you of bread and potatoes and pasta, for god's sake, even Cheez-Its!

Despite all this goodness, you were up a pound today! What do I need to do to get it through your thick fat reserves that they really really need to wank off? I don't want them, I don't need them, and they're going to fucking kill me.

So, please, get the memo out, 'kay? I'd appreciate some cooperation.

Sincerely,
your lord and master,
Apathy

Dear TV Studio,

I am a bit upset that you didn't give me any job at all, especially after the fact that I worked very hard to impress you. If it turns out that someone who was better than me for it got the job I wanted, good for them, they deserve it...however, if I find out that it isn't someone who is better than me, I'm going to laugh my head off. I won't, of course, tell you about any of this, as it would ruin my chances for next year. Please be advised that you rejected a candidate who really loves this field and would be extremely good at the job and you need to make your voice less robotic when making rejection phone calls. I had some great ideas for you and you basically told me you weren't at all interested. You also kind of gave me false hope. This pisses me off. I don't want your or anyone else's pity. I just want to understand why I wasn't chosen and how I can improve. Most of you are graduating anyway, so why didn't I get in? Part of me wants to scream at you for this and Ms. T is definitely getting the cold shoulder for a bit until I get over this. I asked you repeatedly what you wanted and evidently you didn't tell me everything. If you wanted someone with more experience you should have said. I'd better get an explanation or you are going down...
That's a lie, of course, but it makes me feel better to say it.

Sincerely,
A Certain Annoyed Someone

Dear Fion,

Thanks for the hugs. They're good

Hugs back,

B

Dear subconscious,
If you ever dream about her again I swear to god I will have you removed or never sleep again
Sincerely,
Already obsessive enough.

*sets up brain transplant kit*

this won't take a minute. and then i will be thinking of her and you can think of him

i think that's allowed, right?

Yeah, I'd be alright with that. When should we do the procedure?

Dear Laptop:

You will access the amazon.com page.

Now.

I know it's you, and you have been unable to access it for 3 days now. You will tell me what the problem is because:

a) the amazon server is obviously working
b) my connection is just fine thank you
c) there is nothing in your firewall setting that could be blocking it.

So you have no excuse in being a bitch. You will fix this problem.

Now.

uncordially yours,
me