Okay, just cause I'm in the mood:

Tell me your grossest stories. Only criterium: it ought to be true, i.e. something that happened to you or somebody you know.

Well, several poop stories come to mind...

Can I just show you some pictures? Its way easier than trying to remember something gross.

Yeah, please! But...maybe only link them if they're NSFW?

And go ahead, pkitty...

I had a mole removed a few months ago. Not a big deal. I'm a pastey white boy, have moles and freckles all over my body and get sun burned on a cloudy day. I've had at least 10 moles removed in the past because they look suspicious. *knocks on wood* So far they've all been fine, but had to potential to turn cancerous down the road.

So, this mole was behind my ear. The doctor numbs the area so I don't feel a thing. They use a 1 cm diameter cookie cutter type punch to cut the mole. Then they use scissors to snip the rest of the skin. Right. Next. To. My. Ear. *snip* *snip, snip* Then I start to bleed. Lotsa blood vessels on the head. They have to cauterize the area before they can stitch it up. *sizzle* *crackle, sizzle* I can't feel a thing, but it sounds and smells like they're grilling hamburgers. Then they stitch up the wound. About 15 stitches, including a few internal ones. As they pull the thread through and up, it twangs like a guitar string. For about 15 minutes. I couldn't even see the wound and it was a pain in the ass to clean and change the bandage. It's all better now, but damn.

The best part was when a salesman I work with saw the bandage and asked me what happened. He asked, "Was it a boyle?" I told him, "No. I had a root canal. They had to get it from the back side." "Really?!?" "Yeah. Very rare. Very painful." "I've never heard of that..." That idiot bought it hook, line and sinker. Sometimes I wonder how my company makes money.

Lessee...this one is the least gross-

Ok, I'm not the best storyteller but...


I was in Manila, staying at the Mandarin hotel (which is a 5 star hotel with guards hanging around in the lobby with AK47s) with my Dad on a business trip. I have a lot of time to myself. I also looove fresh mangoes, so much so that it's difficult to eat just one.

One morning, I eat 5 mangoes. Then I plan a trip to the mall (which is 1 block away). I tell our liason person that I'm walking to the mall and they exclaim, "Oh nononono! You must wait for a driver to pick you up and drive you to the mall"

-"But it's 1 block away!"

"No, you must be driven there."


So I go downstairs and wait for 20 minutes for the car to arrive and drive me there. It's a huge frickin' mall.

Anyway, I'm trying on some bras in a fancy department store when my gut starts gurgling. So I stop what I'm doing and ask a sales lady where the bathroom is. She blinks at me.

"No bathroom". What?! What about in the mall?

*gurgle*

"No, no bathrooms in the mall".

All of a sudden, my intenstines liquify..."But you don't understand, it's an emergency!!"

Nada.


So I start running back to the hotel, nevermind the driver, calculating that I can make it back there. As I'm running, I'm clenching my butt cheeks as hard as I can to prevent any leakage. However, as I arrive at the lobby, with every step that I take, some poo goes squirting out.

Fortunately, I'm wearing black leggings and you can't see anything. I get to the elevators (there are 8 of them) and I'm relieved that there's no one in sight. By this point, I'm leaking poo down the back of my legs.

The elevator opens, I get in and as the door is starting to close, a business man runs in.

And I STINK. Like poo. I'm clenching my butt as hard as I can to prevent any more poo from escaping. He looks at me, I look resolutely at the floor indicators hoping that he gets off before me. Nope.

So my floor arrives, and I kinda do a sidestep out of the elevator, leaving a puddle and trail of poo behind me.

I run to the room and pound on the door (I left my keys at the desk). Fortunately, my Dad is in. Unfortunately, he's taking a bath.

I end up standing in my poo until he finishes, then jumped in the shower with the leggings on, and took an hour long shower. The leggings were double bagged and thrown away.

ouch. that must have been dreadful.

The best that I can think of along those lines was one from a former coworker froma few years ago, about a night she went out drinking with some friends, (one of whom was a guy who desperately wanter to get together with her), and proceeded to get so drunk that everyone refused to let her walk home, despite the fact that she lived just a few block away.

Instead, she wound up crashing over with the boy who wanted to get together with her. Sometime during the night, she got up and was still so drunk that she couldn't find her way to the bathroom. Instead she wound up in the guy's bedroom, and either was so mixed up she either thought it was the bathroom or came up with a brilliant idea; she opened up one of the drawers in his dresser, did her business, closed it back up, then stretched out on his floor and went to sleep there.

The reaction in the morning must have been... interesting...

Pkitty, that wa shilarious to read! :d (Although I'd have been mortified if it had been me!)

A friend of mine told me she was one night very drunk and snogging this guy when she felt she had to throw up... Unfortunately she didn't have time to pull away soon enough so she puked in his mouth. I think the relationsihp didn't last much longer.

Another friend: on a night out he pulls and goes to the girl's house. They drink, things get interesting, so they shag on the sofa. While she's sleeping, he feels the need to throw up, so gets up and runs for the bathroom, only doesn't know wher eit is, and runs out of time and throws up in the corrider. Totally drunk, but thinking he must somehow clean it, he gets his own top and starts cleaning his own puke from the floor. Then he lifts his head and, through a mirror, he sees there's one of her flatmates looking at him from another room, someone who saw the whole thing! So he just leaves the top there and leaves as soon as he can, not wanting to face the girl in the morning (not withou nicking a bottle of vodka, though ).

When I was 12, I was over at a friend's house and he was showing me how he had leared to throw knives. He thought he'd give me a scare by throwing one at my general direction (but off to one side). I just saw him throwing, so I jumped (off to one side). Knife entered my leg at the hip, leaving a hole about the size of a quarter (bit bigger than a 20p coin for our British visitors) and about an inch deep. Walked home, put a bandaid on it (wouldn't let my mum take me to the hospital for stitches - wanted to go to a baseball game that night).

When the wound scarred over, the scarring didn't occur on the level with the rest of my leg - it was inside the wound. I could fit my thumb into it up to the first knuckle, and I did whenever I thought I'd have an audience who would be grossed out by it...

Yay! You guys are gross!

Matt - ouchouchouch. Twanging like a guitar string? omg. That must have hurt later on. Stories involving stitches make my gut clench!

pkitty - This one is the least gross?? My butt is *still* clenched from reading that! I've had my share of poo emergencies in Asia, but that one is seriously horrible! Poor you! (And if you've got more, please do share! )

Wanderer and Clover - okay, those were yuck. Especially the puking in the mouth. Ew. Poor victims! (Actually you made me think of "Trainspotting", both of you.)

Hooligan - I'm now morbidly fascinated by the idea of that wound. Can you *still* do that? (And d'you have pics? - er, okay, sorry. I shouldn't ask.)

This message has been edited. Last edited by: His Noodle Girl,

quote:

Originally posted by Babylon the Bride:
Yay! You guys are gross!

Hooligan - I'm now morbidly fascinated by the idea of that wound. Can you *still* do that? (And d'you have pics? - er, okay, sorry. I shouldn't ask.)

Nah, that was over 20 years ago. It gradually filled in. It's actually very hard to see, even if you knew where it was in the first place. And no, no pictures were ever taken...

I want more PKitty poo stories!!!


The only poo story I have is regarding my friends dad, who had an attack of the 'liquid intestines' on his way home from a walk.

He was concentrating very very hard on not letting anything leak out, and was doing very well till he got just to his driveway, when a friend of his drove by and beeped, and he turned around and waved and consiquently lost concentration.

It wouldn't have been so bad, but he was wearing small baggy shorts at the time...

here is a kitty story...

My old cat, Khephera, was injured while out missing for a few days, he came back home, dirty, limping and his tail bloody.. I went to give him a bath and found that his tail was all covered in maggots... U cleaned his wounds free of maggots and took him to the vet. While I was waiting for the vet to open after lunch, I saw maggots crawling out of his mouth.. horrified, I started cleaning them from his mouth and saw he also has a blackening tounge.. I thought I was going to lose him, but the vet gave him a vermicide and antibiotics.. he lost the tail, but he lived for several years after that... maggots still give me the tunny twists...

Ah Masque, I'm glad that your kitty was saved! Maggots in anything make me kinda blergy.


Ah, here is poo story #2:

Lemme preface this story with an explanation of big wall climbing:

Big wall climbing is what you do when you go to Yosemite or some wall that is several thousand feet up, climb it, and at night you anchor your cot-looking thing to the wall and sleep. You can do this from 2-6 days. If you need to go to the bathroom, you do it in a tube (technically called a "Poo Tube" which is basically a pvc tube with lids) and carry it along with you at all times. You can't just let go, because there might be other climbers climbing the same route below you. My climbing friends have spectacular poo tube stories (heat making the contents explode), but that is another tale.

Anyway...

So the boyfriend at the time is training me to big wall climb. This story has nothing to do with big wall climbing.


I'm going to meet some friends in Santa Monica to rollerblade on the beach. I get there 30 minutes early and park in a neighborhood with multi-million dollar houses. I'm sitting in my car, waiting for my friends, when I get the instant liquid intestines.

The public bathroom is about 3 blocks away, and I consider going up to one of the houses to ask nicely if I could use their bathroom when I think, "Wait a minute, maybe I could use this time to practice to poo in a bag for big wall climbing".

So I put the windshield heat reflectors up, roll up the windows (they're tinted), get a plastic bag, sit in the well of the passenger's side of the truck and poop in the bag. Ahh...sweet relief. I always have my handy dandy baby wipes to clean up but to my horror, the bag has a hole in it.

And the poop is liquid. And leaking all over the bottom of the car. I call it off with my friends and try to find a public garbage can.

I drive for blocks and blocks and the only garbage can I can find is on the corner of a major intersection. I stop the car, run to the passenger side, grab the bag and fling it into the can. As I fling it, a spraying arc of poo follows. Mulitudes of people stare at me.

I spend the rest of the drive home trying not to smell what was in my intestines for a very short time.

It took about 5 washings to get the poo bits and smell out of the carpet.

oh no! noooooo! how awful!

i had an occasion once where i was rushing home, absolutely BURSTING for a pee, and you know that thing when you get really close to home, and suddenly your bladder just gives up? well, i managed to get past that moment, when i walk in the house and my mum calls out "hi". and i call out "hi" back. at which point it all went horribly, horribly wrong. cue crouching run to the loo....

I did have an occasion where I was very very drunk (I think I believed that the lamp-posts were bendy...) and walking home with friends, when I realllllllly need to go for a wee. There were no toilets around, so I loudly announced that I was going in some bushes.

So I did, and crouched down, and went...forgetting the bit inbetween where you actually have to pull your jeans down.

I was so drunk that I just came out of the bushes, announced that I just couldn't be bothered, and proudly walked the rest of the way home damp.

Another friend of mine had a similar story, where she wet her self whilst waiting for the bus home. On the bus, two creepy guys sat next to her and tried to chat her up. As she got up to leave the bus, she caught one of the guys trying to pinch her butt. She briskly turned round and yelled, "I wouldn't do that, I've pissed my pants!"

Genius!

I went to visit my sister in Toronto and, for the first time, had a basil pesto pizza with goat cheese. It was quite yummy, although there was something a bit . . . off about it. Couldn't put my finger on it. Ah, well.

We get in the car for the ride home and I felt unwell. Very unwell. I kept everything down until we got to my folks' house. I sprinted upstairs, ran to the bathroom and threw up into the toilet, not even bothering to lift the lid. I threw up with such force and vehemence that the vomit bounced off the toilet bowl and splashed me in the face. Also, my glasses fell off and into the middle of the vomit. The basil, pine nuts, goat cheese and still-visible chunks of bread that were my vomit. I fished out the glasses, which made me vomit again, and then washed up.

I have never again been able to sit near basil pesto.

I don't remember how old she was, maybe 3 months old? I was laying on my back on the floor, with Molly over me. We were "flying". I looked away then turned back, laughing at something, when she spit up in my mouth. A lot. It was one of the grossest things I've ever had happen to me, but it's also going to be one of the proudest "yeah, I'm a real dad" stories to tell.

During Thanksgiving dinner one year my dad sneezed and his yellow plaque-ridden dentures landed in his potato filling, which of course made my stepmom dry heave and me spray soda out my nose.

Family fun!