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half the man he used to be
Member
posted
i hate my job and i want to get fired, but it needs to be memorable and epic and keep me open to getting unemployment....

does anyone have any creative suggestions?
 
Posts: 411 | Registered: May 11, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Sittin' at the dock of the Bayeaux Tapestry
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Picture of D M
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Are you sure you want to quit even a shitty job at a time such as this? The economy being as it is...


---
"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong" - H. L. Mencken
 
Posts: 35359 | Location: London | Registered: October 09, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Yahr, fear the power of the elf-man!
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Picture of Lan Martak
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Can I have it? Razz


------------------------------
 
Posts: 15887 | Location: The Cenotaph road and Oh-Hi-Oh | Registered: October 25, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Knows what a real civil war should be
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Picture of Furious
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Stop.

Bathing.
 
Posts: 32901 | Location: smooshy mashed pertato mountian | Registered: June 25, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Vampiric Scottie-bat trainer

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Here's an old trick I picked up in the Sudan:
Put your underpants on your head, stick two pencils up your nose, and go "wobble".
 
Posts: 8222 | Location: Bärlin | Registered: October 28, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Sittin' at the dock of the Bayeaux Tapestry
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Picture of D M
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Hit on your boss' spouse.


---
"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong" - H. L. Mencken
 
Posts: 35359 | Location: London | Registered: October 09, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
now available in colour!
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Picture of Liliaharas
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Have a total mental breakdown, slowly in public, with the possibility of making others follow depending on their susceptibility.

Basically based on a real experience:

Cry in public, constantly bring up the fact you feel awful for whatever reason you like when asked (never be too specific)

Come is on less than 2 hours of sleep frequently and when ever your preformance is called into question cite your inability to sleep because of being unhappy for various reasons (non-specified)

Constantly do weird things people will notice like stare at your computer screen blankly and do not respond to anytone who speaks to you, or use the phone reciever upside down and scream to compensate. Then lose it at the 'crappy' technology, never admit the mistake.

Should there be an intervention, curl into a ball and rock back and forth until they leave or you are carted off to hospital, preferably the first.

See a therapist and say you're fine but feel sad and don;t like talking to people. Don't say more than this for the entire session.

You might just get mental health redunadancy!


~credo quia absurdum est
I believe it because it is absurd~

~bibamus, moriendum est
Let us drink, for we must die~
 
Posts: 2632 | Location: Londinium | Registered: August 24, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is irreducibly complex
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Picture of Weeble
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[joykiller/threadkiller] Be careful, getting fired won't get you unemployment. I'm assuming you're in the US? You could file for it, but your chances would be slim, especially if you're going for memorable and epic.

p.s. Good luck, I hope things get better!

p.p.s. *hugs* for you and Liliaharas


~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~
Weeble: Vibrant and bouncy, like something one would find valiantly trying to escape from a Disney geneticist's specimen freezer. - Pelham Bleatwell, Esq.

 
Posts: 10997 | Location: *rattling the bars of my cage* | Registered: November 04, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Knows what a real civil war should be
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Picture of Furious
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Loop a certain song over the P.A. system.

Hint:

____━━____┓━╭━━━━━╮

____━━____┗┓|::::::^━━^

____━━____━┗|:::::|。◕‿‿­­­­◕。|

____━━____━━╰O-O----O-O
 
Posts: 32901 | Location: smooshy mashed pertato mountian | Registered: June 25, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Are you my mummy?
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Picture of Nemo888
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quote:
eds to be memorable and epic and keep me open to getting unemployment....

does anyone have any creative suggestions?


Not enough info.

In most situations banging your boss then dumping her works pretty well. You will get benefits and usually after a short wait a very generous severance.

In health care tell them you contracted hepatitis or tuberculosis.

Say you are dating someone who works for a competitor and you have a conflict of interest.

Tell them you are trying to get pregnant. That often gets people fired from crappy places.


______________________________________________________________________________
SOTA, Santa Of The Apocalypse. (retired)
Former Xtacle
http://goo.gl/lgtHa
 
Posts: 852 | Location: Ottawa, Canada | Registered: July 23, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
knows there is no spoon
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First off, really the best thing you can do is find a new job, give your two weeks, leave on good terms and just be grateful that they're no longer in your life. If you're not going to find something on the same level, at least be prepared to have some crappy holdover job on standby, whether it be at a supermarket, waiting tables, etc. Even working for just above minimum wage beats having no income at all. Keep in mind too that truly epic quitting and getting unemployment tend to cancel themselves out in the US, since if an employer is justified in firing you, you tend to be left high and dry.

That said, there are a few routes you could go.

(The following "advice" should all be taken with tongue firmly in cheek and not followed, regardless of how cool or how much of a wish fulfillment some of it would be).

1) The Truly Epic Firing/Quit

This takes something bold, outrageous, and unforgettable. One example I've read is walking up to a superior who has either a son or daughter that is an appropriate age, and bragging to that superior about having slept with their kid, whether you have or not. Then tell said superior that you recorded it and plan to post it online. Laugh at their expression. (The laughter is apparently essential). If you do this in private, then afterward go someplace where your fellow employees can see and hear you, and announce, (as proudly as you can) that you're being fired for screwing the boss' kid. Offer up a few opinions on how they were as a lay. You'll never see a dime of unemployment and may have to avoid listing that place on your resume, but you'll certainly be talked about for years.

If you have something on your bosses, such as evidence of fraud, law breaking, violations of safety standards, knowledge of harassment of employees, sexual affairs, etc., then use it to your advantage. Broadcast it over the PA/stereo system, send it out to newspapers, important clients, whatever agency body they'd be in trouble with, etc. Openly sign your name, then sit back and wait for the results. If you can find someplace to do it with your feet up on a table and a big smile on your face, you get extra points for that.

Go truly creative and/or juvenile. One true example was a guy who is a comedian/internet celebrity who quit his job by walking into the plant where he worked, walking into the cafeteria with a boombox, began playing "Also Sprach Zarathustra", (best known as the theme for 2001: A Space Odyssey) as he climbed on top of a table, then ripped open his shirt to reveal that he had used a marker to write "I QUIT!!!" in giant letters on his chest. He then changed the song to "Bohemian Rhapsody" and went dancing throughout the plant while drawing people's attention to the message on his chest. Towards the end he did have to outrun someone threatening to call the cops, but that was certain a hell of a way to burn your bridges.

2) The Sneaky Revenge

This is the subtle way to do things. Leave your job on good terms, wait until you get a new one and get settled in, then send out something embarrassing/implicating/whatever about your boss(es). Like pictures of that time they passed out drunk at the Company Holiday Party.

Leaving behind some sort of homemade stink bomb (think rotten eggs and bad meat left in a jar of water that is not quite perfectly sealed) in the ceiling panels of the building, especially if your boss has an office to themselves and you can leave it it there.

Again, get creative. A possible scheme I once thought of was putting up signs everywhere between my house and Brooklyn that claimed that a former district manager's cell phone number was a helpline for people who were having trouble coming out of the closet, and his home number as a suicide hotline number. I mainly didn't go through with it because I figured it was more likely to hurt anyway that actually tried calling, and because even in my younger, more vengeful days (this was a job I left around the end of 2001/start of 2002) I didn't have the venom or ability to sustain anger long enough to actually go through with that kind of stuff.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck, and remember not to mess up your future in favor of wish-fulfillment now.

(Again, any and all of my "advice" should be taken as deadpan humor. If any mods find it in bad taste, I will remove it).



James

Wandering, but not lost.

"You are a Knight Errant. All of the fun of rescuing damsels, and none of the paperwork." - Royko
 
Posts: 8394 | Location: New York | Registered: July 26, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is currently hovering somewhere near Saturn
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find a new job while you have a job. this is advice i cannot advocate strongly enough.

again.
find a new job while you HAVE a job. trying to find a job while unemployed, even if technically possible, feels like it's a challenge that even david attenborough crossed with the queen crossed with richard branson would quail at. getting a job while you have a job, on the other hand, is far easier (Although still not actually easy) because you are at least proving to your prospective employer that you have the wit and native intelligence to not fuck up your life by leaving a perfectly good (if despised) job with no certain path immediately after. i wound up unemployed for 22 months because of not finding a job before i left my job.

don't feel the need to go through that to learn the lesson yourself.


Limertilly: A pagan deity forgotten by man and therefore banished to the realms of memory and darkness now remembered by a young girl in downtown L.A. in the form of a dream and therefore freed to reap your revenge on the people who discarded you, thereby forcing said girl to learn to use her innate yet awesome powers as a soothsayer to gather forces of the Earth to defy you and once more banish you to your cold, cold prisoooooon

blog: http://limertillysfoodporn.wordpress.com/

My sister's band, what I am very very proud of: www.bit.ly/toodar
 
Posts: 26268 | Location: your left ear | Registered: June 28, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Knows what a real civil war should be
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Picture of Furious
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Pretend you won the lottery and whoop it up/tell everyone what you think of them/go crazy/ask them to marry you and then "accidentally" destroy the ticket. Big Grin
 
Posts: 32901 | Location: smooshy mashed pertato mountian | Registered: June 25, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
half the man he used to be
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what an amazing smorgasbord of advice/ideas!

a particular favorite is the guy with Also Sprach Zarathustra! that's one of the funniest things ive ever heard!

and i definitely hear everyone with the advice to keep my job, as crappy as it is. with the economy the way it is, i intend to. just kinda venting i guess. i have two very strong job possibilities at the end of this month though, and if i am able to land one of them i would like to leave this place with a blaze of glory Smile
 
Posts: 411 | Registered: May 11, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
half the man he used to be
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quote:
Originally posted by Furious:
Loop a certain song over the P.A. system.

Hint:

____━━____┓━╭━━━━━╮

____━━____┗┓|::::::^━━^

____━━____━┗|:::::|。◕‿‿­­­­◕。|

____━━____━━╰O-O----O-O


oh and LOL!!
 
Posts: 411 | Registered: May 11, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Queen of New York
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Honestly, if you want to 'quit' your job and still be eligible for unemployment, your best bet is to forget trying to do this, and instead focus on trying to make it so that you are let go for reasons that aren't performance related.

The last time I had to do this, I informed my employer of a significant change in my hours of availability which I knew that they would be unable to reasonably accommodate. I was let go not long after, but maintained eligibility for UI. The specific rules where you live will vary wildly, so be sure to check exactly what reasons for dismissal do and do not qualify you for UI.
 
Posts: 9561 | Location: Noo Yawk. | Registered: December 14, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Knows what a real civil war should be
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Picture of Furious
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Find a female coworker that also hates her job and do this to your boss:

 
Posts: 32901 | Location: smooshy mashed pertato mountian | Registered: June 25, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
half the man he used to be
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situation update: been away from the board for awhile, really busy, but anyhoo...managed to get let go from my old position. turned out all i needed to to do was miss a day or two a week and come in unshowered/shaven etc...crazy Smile

started a new job today, way better company, better everything, incredibly happy, actually pinched myself in orientation today. unemployed for a grand total of 2 and a half days! anyways, wanted to thank everyone for the advice and vibes and laughs, and i'm gonna try to be here more now that things are stabilizing
 
Posts: 411 | Registered: May 11, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Dane Cook's Final Horcrux
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Picture of Domi
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I'm so glad it all worked out, kalypses!

(and that you didn't take any of the... more extreme measures)

Were you sacked, or did you mutually agree to part ways? It would be impossible to sack someone for that here, but I don't know about the US!



____________________________________________________
I'm thinking that a lot of my internal conflict and malaise comes from the tension between the life I ACTUALLY want to live, and the stories I'd love to be able to tell? - T-Rex, qwantz.com
 
Posts: 20852 | Registered: November 11, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Knows what a real civil war should be
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Hooray! No one wants to work with stinkyapatheticcrazy! Congrats on your newer better job!
 
Posts: 32901 | Location: smooshy mashed pertato mountian | Registered: June 25, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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