Neil Gaiman    www.NeilgaimanBoard.com    www.NeilgaimanBoard.com  Hop To Forum Categories  The World's End  Hop To Forums  The World's End    Funny quotes from work
Page 1 2 3 4 ... 12
Go
New
Find
Notify
Tools
Reply
  
Funny quotes from work
 Login/Join
 
Sittin' at the dock of the Bayeaux Tapestry
Member
Picture of D M
posted
A friend and I have been reminiscing about former adventures on the Belfast...and we remembered this gem:

quote:
BOY: Excuse me mister, was this ship in the War?

ALAN: This ship?

*thinks*

ALAN: Nah.


Big Grin

I'll try and think of some more...


---
"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong" - H. L. Mencken
 
Posts: 35359 | Location: London | Registered: October 09, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Administrator/Colporteur
Member
Picture of Dweller in Darkness
posted Hide Post
"I've often thought that some of the best wine comes from a box."

"Of course, the original Atlanteans spoke French. Not French as we know it today, of course.

"I found this website last night for women who are turn on by colostomy bags."

"What they don't want you to know is that saturated fat is actually really good for you."


__________
AJGraeme
"Why are there ghosts in the kitchen punching each other in the balls?" - Aidan, "Being Human"
"Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried."
- G.K. Chesterton

My moderator voice is red.
 
Posts: 48716 | Location: Concord, NH, USA | Registered: July 20, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Oestre sparagmos!
Member
Picture of fionchadd
posted Hide Post
my bosses frequent bickering:
"what are you doing?"
"i'm thinking"
"well you're thinking in the wrong place"


____________________________________________________
Did you know? When it snows, my eyes become large and the light that you shine can't be seen.

EP now available for FREE download! Click Here

"Fairytales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"

a peek inside the whirlwind of my thoughts
 
Posts: 10543 | Location: deepest darkest somerset | Registered: December 31, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Sittin' at the dock of the Bayeaux Tapestry
Member
Picture of D M
posted Hide Post
'he's forgotten his medication again, ain't he? Fackin 'ell.'


---
"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong" - H. L. Mencken
 
Posts: 35359 | Location: London | Registered: October 09, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Ruby of the Desert
Member
Picture of just a girl
posted Hide Post
"You know, this depression can totally effect your emotional state"


--Mikka, not so almighty

look at me - I'm contributing to this forum.

You can't change the world but you can make a dent -- Smoochy
 
Posts: 6819 | Location: israel, the holy land of. | Registered: April 09, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is irreducibly complex
Member
Picture of Weeble
posted Hide Post
*laughs*

Nothing terribly interesting here, just terrible grammar, e.g., "Did you seen that?"


~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~
Weeble: Vibrant and bouncy, like something one would find valiantly trying to escape from a Disney geneticist's specimen freezer. - Pelham Bleatwell, Esq.

 
Posts: 10997 | Location: *rattling the bars of my cage* | Registered: November 04, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
has a partial eclipse of the heart
Member
Picture of Silk Underground
posted Hide Post
man, we've got a real quotable dental assistant. unfortunately the quotes fly so often, they're hard to keep track of. and they're generally situational; she always says the wrong thing in front of the wrong person.

one of my favourites:

we have a patient who has sort of metal bolts in the back of his head like Frankenstein, I'm not sure why or what for.

our assistant is standing next to the hall talking to the hygienist and at the exact same time the patient is walking down the hall, the assistant yells: "I can't find such and such. I swear, I'd lose my head if it weren't screwed on." she was mortified when she realised what happened.


-Captain Silky, Queen of the Heartless Bitches

YAHR! (by popular demand)
 
Posts: 4966 | Location: Suburbian Washington, DC | Registered: February 04, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
the firebreather beneath the clover
Member
Picture of fawn
posted Hide Post
from a sixth grader, during the study of the Titans:

Ms. A, why do the other kids laugh whenever you say "Uranus"? Kids laugh every year and I don't understand what is so funny?

says me: Wellllll...."anus" means....well.....well, it means butthole, honey.

Says 6th grade girl: oooooooh, I get it!


"Even mollusks have weddings, though solemn and leaden
But you dirge for the dead, take no jam on your bread
Just a supper of salt and a waltz through your empty bed"---Joanna Newsom
 
Posts: 171 | Location: San Clemente, Ca | Registered: April 15, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
The Doughmaster
Member
Picture of TheatreGeek
posted Hide Post
My co-worker's final sentiments, after we discussed inappropriate work clothing:

"If I want to see a camel toe, I'll go to the zoo!"


~ Non-Mod-Amy, aka Amy of the Lost Ark

You are a Bookholder. To prompt, or...LINE! (not to prompt) --not to prompt. That is the question. Whether t'is nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of a bad memory, or to take arms against a sea of textual deviations, and...LINE! (by opposing) --by opposing them...LINE! (end) --end...LINE! (them) --end them...LINE! (to prompt, to correct; no more; and by a correction to say we end the heart-ache of a really terrible performance) You didn't have to give me the whole thing! I know it!
 
Posts: 11747 | Location: Michigan | Registered: August 15, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
has a partial eclipse of the heart
Member
Picture of Silk Underground
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by willowtreeling:
from a sixth grader, during the study of the Titans:

Ms. A, why do the other kids laugh whenever you say "Uranus"? Kids laugh every year and I don't understand what is so funny?

says me: Wellllll...."anus" means....well.....well, it means butthole, honey.

Says 6th grade girl: oooooooh, I get it!


I bet you're one of the "cool" teachers.


-Captain Silky, Queen of the Heartless Bitches

YAHR! (by popular demand)
 
Posts: 4966 | Location: Suburbian Washington, DC | Registered: February 04, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Xine
posted Hide Post
A teacher friend of mine told me this over the weekend.

She was teaching ESL to second and third graders and was playing the board game "Guess Who" with a little boy.

In case you don't know this game, each player gets the same board with around 30 cards of various cartoon identities that flip up and down. Each player gets a card with one of the cartoon identities. The object of the game is to Guess Who the other person has by asking questions (does your person have brown hair, etc.) and flipping down the cards of the wrong answers. Process of elimination.

At any rate, the boy looked confused and said he couldn't tell if the person on his card was a man or a woman.

My friend looked at his card and said, "This person is a man; why would you think it was a woman?"

The little boy replied, "They have a moosetag and I couldn't tell."

My friend, "Well...how many women do you know with mustaches?"

Little boy, thinking, "Four. My mother, my grandmother, my aunt and my cousin."

My friend, "Um...well, let's start again. And it's Mus-Tash."
 
Posts: 9275 | Registered: November 16, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
has a partial eclipse of the heart
Member
Picture of Silk Underground
posted Hide Post
oh. my. god.


-Captain Silky, Queen of the Heartless Bitches

YAHR! (by popular demand)
 
Posts: 4966 | Location: Suburbian Washington, DC | Registered: February 04, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
One smooth moll
Member
Picture of Flapper
posted Hide Post
not so much a funny quote but an hysterical occurence and YES i was the one responsible

at our unit meeting, at the end, the supervisor asked "any questions?" where upon i released a loud bit of flatulence that the ENTIRE department heard


phlbbettltweretlbt

total silence, then a wee snicker
then dispersal and i could HEAR the guffaws rollicking around the cubicle walls

tee hee still embarassed tho--hangs head in shame

but COME ON, we all flatulate occasionally, no use pretending you DONT Roll Eyes


------------------------------
i'd rather be crazy than boring
 
Posts: 338 | Location: up a tree without a paddle | Registered: June 19, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
lives deliberately
Member
Picture of Alaura
posted Hide Post
My co-worker has coined the phrase "crotch-level".

As in, if you are looking for a form and you are standing in front of the form library, and you ask someone if they know what shelf the form is on, your co-worker can helpfully point out "it's right in front of you---crotch-level. Nope...look down...look down...there ya go. Right at crotch-level."


ego forceps ergo ego forceps


****
"Chives?"�
"Yes, m'lud?"�
"Is that Ms Ephemera hovering over the croquet lawn?"�
"Indeed m'lud. She's marshalled all the haggle-dans. Missy-twigs and vale-nymphs from Claypole Woods. Apparently she intends to tear this house down and dance on the ruins."�
"Well, Chives, you'd better start the car, what? And pack my tennis things too"�
--- Joe 3Heads
 
Posts: 11426 | Location: In a perpetual state of Ohio | Registered: December 02, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is imperfectly illuminated
Member
Picture of Murphy
posted Hide Post
at work...

"uuuh... that's SO GOOD... lower... lower... that's it. harder... right there... harder....

OOOOH, that's the best thing anyone's ever done to me."


---------------
*is currently impressed*
 
Posts: 8147 | Location: London, England | Registered: July 25, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is irreducibly complex
Member
Picture of Weeble
posted Hide Post
Big Grin


~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~ . . ~
Weeble: Vibrant and bouncy, like something one would find valiantly trying to escape from a Disney geneticist's specimen freezer. - Pelham Bleatwell, Esq.

 
Posts: 10997 | Location: *rattling the bars of my cage* | Registered: November 04, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
has no member title
Member
Picture of His Noodle Girl
posted Hide Post
Boss: What will you write for the Security Special?
Me: A test! I'll try and walk into company buildings, walk into an office and use their telephone. And see if someone stops me.
Boss: Okay. Finish all your other articles first, in case you got shot, all right?


__
I like it maybe 63 percent!
 
Posts: 15475 | Location: Bouncing round in bathrooms! | Registered: October 19, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Lady of Pain
Member
Picture of Emerald
posted Hide Post
From class: (discussing ribbon mic filters)

Classmate: "Do the NPR people have a boring filter on their mic or do they just talk that way?"

Teacher: "No, there is no such thing as a boring filter/button. It's a news show."

Not a quote, but some of our classmates in the class next door will break into applause for no reason...


_______________________
"The old, defiant chant rose in her mind: If I want, I will learn. If I want, I will fight. If I want, I will live. And I want. And I will.
This was going to be fun." - PC Hodgell, To Ride a Rathorn
--------------------------------
Tumbl'n - Let me know if you want to see the portfolio.
 
Posts: 1487 | Location: Forever between two Parks | Registered: December 13, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Soulslack
posted Hide Post
The New Guy on the phone to a debtor: "Don't worry, before I do anything crazy, I'll be sure to call you."

Like, you're going to do something crazy - but you're going to let me know beforehand? Excellent.


- Soul


______________________________

Post Tequila Ergo Propter Tequila.
 
Posts: 1913 | Location: Aotearoa | Registered: January 06, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Dane Cook's Final Horcrux
Member
Picture of Domi
posted Hide Post
"this isn't a Musuem of English Rural Life - it's a muddle of miscellanious machinary!"

A very cross visitor, who then went home and phoned up, still cross.



____________________________________________________
I'm thinking that a lot of my internal conflict and malaise comes from the tension between the life I ACTUALLY want to live, and the stories I'd love to be able to tell? - T-Rex, qwantz.com
 
Posts: 20852 | Registered: November 11, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
  Powered by Social Strata Page 1 2 3 4 ... 12 
 

Neil Gaiman    www.NeilgaimanBoard.com    www.NeilgaimanBoard.com  Hop To Forum Categories  The World's End  Hop To Forums  The World's End    Funny quotes from work

© YourCopy 2001