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is in perfect karmic alignment
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quote:
Out of interest, would anyone be bothered by how many partners a relationship-partner (as opposed to a fling) had before them? Including, of course, if you'd be worried if they hadn't had any.

Bothered? No, I don't think so.
I'd like to know, if they'll tell me. But that's because i'm insanely curious and i want to know *everything*.

If they haven't had any I would advise them to tell me. Not because i'd be bothered, but because i'd know to pay close attention and be a little more careful the first few times. Same goes if people have hangups, things i should know. Communication is usually a good idea, regardless. Wink

I think it's good practice to get tested, so they don't *have* to tell me anything, the tests will take care of any health concerns. (And ofcourse i don't expect them to take me at my word either.)

But bothered about someone being a virgin, or the opposite? No.


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Blog: Room with a view.

~You are a *Taverner*.
Sometimes patrons want to go where everybody knows their names, though it helps when half of them are named John. When people want to celebrate, or commiserate, they gather to your establishment. You provide the atmosphere, the warmth, rum, and even an ear to bend. Did I mention the rum? Years before the language will be mangled with terms like facilitator and networking and interpersonal communication, you've overseen it all, and broken up a few bar fights, to boot.~
-Royko

 
Posts: 8667 | Location: Just north of Earth | Registered: July 02, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Companion to owls
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Originally posted by Nemo888:
It's nice to get a ballpark idea of their recent past. Largely to judge how serious they want to take things. For that whatever number they give you is a good indicator.


Roll Eyes

The only time I asked and cared about the answer was with my first, because I felt more confident knowing he had previous experience. I remember asking some other guys, only because they'd asked me first and it annoyed me, but can't even remember who they were or what they said.

A recent lover asked me because we were talking about our sex lives and I mentioned I hadn't slept with that many guys. It didn't bothered me, I anwswered, he repeated the answer and I never knew whether he agreed it was a low number or not. I didn't ask back. I don't care.

I do assume, at my age, that people have had sex before, and I honestly don't care if they've only slept with their highschool sweetheart they just broke up with or with half the town. I can figure out what they want from me and our relationship in other, better, ways. Like talking about it.

I AM curious about my partners' previous sex and love lives, but only because it's part of their life and I want to get to know them. If someone said they had never had sex, I'd probably be curious about it, but I am curious about everything. My prejudices would first want to nkow if it was a 'saving yourself for marriage thing', but with that out of the way, I wouldn't mind at all.


 
Posts: 11803 | Location: home? | Registered: June 19, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Originally posted by Royko:
quote:
Originally posted by Domitella:
Out of interest, would anyone be bothered by how many partners a relationship-partner (as opposed to a fling) had before them? Including, of course, if you'd be worried if they hadn't had any.


I've never asked, nor ever wanted to, nor have I ever felt like asking would be appropriate. I honestly don't care.

Even if the number were in Wilt Chamberlain territory, I'd really only be concerned about health issues or whether the person had personal issues that would get in the way of a relationship.



You don't have to worry for any kind of health issue in today's world as you can get your health issue sitting online at your place .

Doctor Online
 
Posts: 1 | Location: 431 S Raymond Ave, Alhambra, CA 91803 | Registered: February 10, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Melittosphex sapiens
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I honestly don't know if that wins for "most appropriate insertion of spam" or "most inappropriate insertion of spam". Made me laugh, anyway.

Getcher clap medicine here, people!


***********************
"bring on the be-tentacled oppressors" - fluffyllama
 
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Are you my mummy?
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That was pretty smooth. They earned their 10¢ on that post. If intelligent agent programs are that sophisticated I think forums may be filled with computers instead of people very soon.


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SOTA, Santa Of The Apocalypse. (retired)
Former Xtacle
http://goo.gl/lgtHa
 
Posts: 852 | Location: Ottawa, Canada | Registered: July 23, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by Domitella:
Out of interest, would anyone be bothered by how many partners a relationship-partner (as opposed to a fling) had before them? Including, of course, if you'd be worried if they hadn't had any.


Well, I suppose I'm in the minority here then, but I'd consider both cases potential red flags - I mean if we're talking about real outliers here (people my age with no experience at all, or with a really staggering number of partners). I'd be careful to try to figure out if the true cause were some kind of deep seated issue with intimacy, or sex addiction, or other problems with poor impulse control, or a host of other deal breakers I've long ago learned I could never fix nor live with.

Just as an example, many years ago I had a boyfriend whose long list of partners I only after some time realized was not so much due to carefree, liberated sensuality, as a desperate, ego-driven attempt to prove himself a Total Male Stud. There's a grimness to such purposeful, impersonal sleeping around that is just kind of... sad, and embarrassing, and basically completely incompatible with my ideas of sexuality. And really not something I'd want to invite into my life again.


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Posts: 2414 | Location: fluttering about | Registered: September 18, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is in perfect karmic alignment
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You make a compelling point, Tis. I believe it to be a seperate, if related, issue but you are ofcourse right. Some extremes raise questions certainly. And that's where the why would come in. I've had (and never could again) a relationship with someone who was for all intents and purposes asexual*. I never found out why this was, but it was certainly a major issue for me.

I didn't know this, because at the age we were at having had few or no lovers wasn't exactly odd or uncommon.

As I'm personally not someone who's had a load of lovers, however, 'just a few' at my age doesn't signify anything to me.

Anything very out of the ordinary, however, whether or not it partains to sex could be a red flag. Like constantly bad-mouthing exes. Or being self-absorbed to the point of narcissism. Extreme arrogance, or insecurity. That's why i believe it's a seperate point, that's about personality traits that are expressed (or not as the case may be) through sex. Other than my example about asexuality: which is only expressed through a disinterest in sex, most extremes come from personality-issues. Not primarily extreme interest or disinterest in sex with different partners.

*It has been argued, rather compellingly i thought, that asexuality is a bonafide sexual preference. I am convinced it is, but the relationship with me would be about as succesful as a romantic involvement with a gay man. It won't work for either of us.


-------------------
Blog: Room with a view.

~You are a *Taverner*.
Sometimes patrons want to go where everybody knows their names, though it helps when half of them are named John. When people want to celebrate, or commiserate, they gather to your establishment. You provide the atmosphere, the warmth, rum, and even an ear to bend. Did I mention the rum? Years before the language will be mangled with terms like facilitator and networking and interpersonal communication, you've overseen it all, and broken up a few bar fights, to boot.~
-Royko

 
Posts: 8667 | Location: Just north of Earth | Registered: July 02, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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