i don't know if you ever had the pleasure of the song sex on the beach but my first time hearing it was a group of 3 girls, aged about 5 to 8 standing on a small wall doing a 'dance' to it!

Well, since we're talking about it, if they didn't want kids being influenced by it they wouldn't be using all those awesome beats.

SMASH THOSE FILTHY RECORDS GET RID OF THEM!

In my state it's illegal for me to even let my kid taste alcohol,m in my own home, knowing that he won't be going anywhere.

Which is ridiculous. How do I teach him about flavours and why it tastes good with some things and better with other things? How do I teach him that yeah, it feels fun every once in a while, but happiness can't be found in a bottle. How do I teach him how to know when a certain amount is enough, even if he doesn't feel it yet.

I have talked to him about drinking and some of the reasons I stated above, but most kids are clueless and they drink too much at parties and try to drive home. Or they wait until they go to college and fall out a window. sigh.

As for music - I listen to various genres, but hiphop and rap have never been faves. Maybe it's because we don't get cable and so don't have music video channels, but Dev's mostly into the music from my ipod. And I got him hooked on The Ramones and Green Day. And he knows he's not supposed to sing those songs at school.

But there have been lyrics (or ideas) that he's spouted off and I did the same thing JP did, patiently dissect it and question it. And he doesn't merely get off by saying, 'it's just a song' or 'it's just a joke'.

(honestly, I like my music with a good dance beat and naughty lyrics. Or ambient, or or.. oh hell I just like naughty music)

But you understand why the lyrics are naughty. Does a six year old? I used to gleefully sing Afternoon Delight and not have any idea what I was singing about. I thought it was about a party. However, those lyrics are way more ambiguous than lyrics now.

quote:

Originally posted by ladykatza:
(honestly, I like my music with a good dance beat and naughty lyrics. Or ambient, or or.. oh hell I just like naughty music)

See, that's going to be the challenge for me as well. I don't know exactly what music you're referring to, LadyK, but I can infer and suspect I would like the same stuff. If if has a solid beat and groovin' and fun to dance too, I'll be the first one chair dancing in the car or whatever. So how do I bridge that with what's appropriate for her age?

my father once convinced me that the singer had missed a strip show in the dr hook song 'i got stoned and i missed it' (in regards to the virgin part).

i guess he was part right

It's likely that she doesn't have a clue what she's singing about and it's only when she starts bellowing out lyrics that you realise how inappropriate it is for a child to be singing such things.

The best songs are always about sex, so it's embarrassing when we see our kids grooving to such things.

But I would say you're on the right track by making her question the lyrics.

I remember once watching whoever that dude was who sang My Dingaling and singing along and sort of mock-masturbating. It freaked my mother out! First off she didn't think that song was about masturbating, second, she didn't know *I* knew what masturbating was.

What was more disturbing was that I was pretending to have a penis. um.

TMI?

I had the joy of explaining to Graeme why it's a bad thing to flash your middle finger at someone. One of his friends told him it was a Very Bad Thing to extend your middle finger but I explained it at some greater length to him because he seemed to think that it was sort of a law of the universe and not just a taboo we've attached to the gesture.

We watch the music Graeme listens to as carefully as JP does, but since Graeme goes to a private school his exposure to Kesha et al is very limited. Worst I've had to do is explain to him why Springsteen's "Galveston Bay" always brings a tear to my eye.

quote:

There is a point, I think, where it's just inappropriate for kids M's age to be absorbing it, even if they don't know really what they're saying/singing/doing/acting like. Or something. I'm not sure. Still pondering.

I think you're doing exactly what you need to, Jeep, which is to address the issue in a matter-of-fact conversation without shaming her or making her feel she did something wrong for singing something she learned from her friends. As a first grader, M should feel free to let you know stuff that she and her friends talk about so you can have conversations with her about things that are probably not appropriate for kids. That way she can start to self-monitor, as well. The more you show her that you trust her to use her own judgement, the more she'll trust you in being open about things. Kids are pretty good at at knowing when something isn't for kids...and frankly, they don't WANT to do stuff that only grown ups do, like drinking or drugs or sex...at least not until they hit puberty.

I remember watching "Porky's" on cable when I was a kid and shielding my eyes or covering my ears when a boob was flashed or an F-bomb was dropped (my parents were definitely not ones to monitor what I watched, more due to negligence than being free spirits, so I figured out for myself things I didn't really *want* to see or hear as a kid).

To be honest, I think there is a bit too much concern these days about kids being exposed to "inappropriate" things...we're so worried about preserving their innocence and making sure they enjoy their childhoods, but kids want the same thing, so they will be pretty willing participants in protecting themselves from icky stuff.

As she gets older, probably around 5th grade and on into middle school, she'll probably do things she knows you wouldn't approve of and keep it from you...we all do that because we all need to have some sense of independence from our parents. But hopefully by then you will have taught her to learn from her mistakes as well. I complain a lot about my mom's lack of parenting skills, but one of the things she was very good at was to tell me often when I was a teenager "I know you have a lot of common sense and I trust you to use it." I kept out of a lot of trouble because of that.

Think about it: Kids *want* to be the people their parents tell them they are. If you tell your kid every day that they are worthless, guess how they are going to feel about themselves and guess how they are going to demonstrate it? If you tell your kid every day that you are convinced they are going to get in trouble and ruin their lives, that is exactly what they will do. But if you tell your kid every day that they are smart and sensible, guess how they are going to act?

This isn't intended to pressure you and I hope I don't come across like a quilt-knitting granny, but you need to have children, Al. They will be fabulous.

Oh, trust me my friend. The tick-tick-ticking of the biological clock gets louder each month that passes.

Thank you...I hope you are right...the reason I was worried about having kids when I was younger was because I didn't want someone I invested so much love into to end up resenting me in the long run. Now I've realized that resenting your parents for something is inevitable. Hopefully my kids will resent me for something small, like not letting them watch TV for more than 2 hours a day.

I think our society is overly concerned about exposure to "inappropriate things" was well. Sex specifically. The thing I am most concerned about is when sex and violence get put together (catching my drift here?). I don't want that sort of thing to imprint on my kids. And sometimes things get said around them and they'll say "What does that even mean???" and we'll tell them "Maybe when you're 18". I know it sits there and rattles around in their head and there's been a couple times they've put two and two together.

On the whole, however, they are good kids and use their noggins to think things through. Which is the end goal, all told.

I remember watching un-edited Looney Tunes cartoons and having my granddad cackle madly and my cousin and I would look at each other, puzzled and just shrug. years later it clicked.

But today's stuff seems so much more blatant. However, it seems to go right over Dev's head - I let him watch Family Guy (yes, I know, I'm a horrible mother - I used to forbid him to watch it, it was the Star Wars ep that killed that) and he doesn't get the sex references at all. He doesn't understand why creepy old dude is creepy, but he knows that if someone in real life acted like that he'd call a cop.

And ditto to Betty, Al will make an excellent parent!

I'm less concerned with Graeme learning about sex than I about him picking up the message - the rather too popular message - that sex can be consequence free. I'd feel much the same if I were an atheist parent - I do not want to be a grandfather before I'm 45 thankyouverymuch.

quote:

Originally posted by Dweller in Darkness:
I'm less concerned with Graeme learning about sex than I about him picking up the message - the rather too popular message - that sex can be consequence free. I'd feel much the same if I were an atheist parent - I do not want to be a grandfather before I'm 45 thankyouverymuch.

Yes. This.

I think with most music, I'm less worried about the lyrics - many of which are unintelligable - and more worried by the tiny girls imitating the bump n' grind of a lot of music videos, and thinking that half-naked is a good look. (And hell, it really can be a good look, but at the right time, which is not six years old, and in private.)

(We've already had the kid who, at 8, arrived for the school swimming session in an barely-there adult sexy string bikini, which the teacher had to talk to the parents about...)

So, when I come across fantastic music videos like this or this, I pass them to parents I know.

Edited to add: actually, I think that half-naked in the right circs is totally fine, and certainly better for small children than some of the clothes marketed at them. A kid happily splashing at the beach in nothing but their knickers is much less skeevy than some ghastly deliberately-sexualised baby bikini. Also don't get me started on t-shirt slogans: "future WAG" on a 5-year old? Classy.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Hive,

All I can say is: try raising a kid in Holland. Seriously. The environment is so ultra liberal and permissive here that I don't think it would make much of a difference if I tried to be very strict or protective myself.

Anyway, a few months ago I had to catch a tram with the kids, 7 and 5, and there was this huge public health campaign poster at the tram stop, depicting a grinning youngster texting [in Dutch] "I won't cum on your boobs unless you think it's hot" (and underneath it an encouragement for people to talk openly with their partners about their sexual boundaries, likes and dislikes). The tram arrived before the kids saw it, otherwise I'm sure it would've turned into quite a memorable conversation.

Oh and I just asked the girls if they've learned any naughty songs from their friends, and they immediately sang me one where Santa's testicles explode. Hey, at least it's not rap! My kids only speak a few words of English so pop lyrics aren't really much of an issue. Sometimes they mindlessly sing along to something smutty, but if I just tell them "hey, you know that song is about sex" they tend to be pretty mortified/collapse in giggles, and stop singing it (although they probably teach it to all their little friends afterwards).

Janelle Monae rocks.