quote:

Woman: “Your f***ing machine won’t accept my memory card from my camera!”

Me: “That’s very strange ma’am, as our machines accept all of the memory cards that I’ve ever heard of.”

Woman: “Well, your machines are obviously old! My husband bought me an EXPENSIVE camera, because I only like the best! You people need to get better machines! My memory card won’t even FIT in any of the slots!”

Me: “May I see your memory card? Maybe I can figure out what’s wrong.”

(Woman hands me her memory card huffily.)

Me: “Um… ma’am, I don’t know how to tell you this, but this is your camera battery.”

Woman: “…”

"The other night I dreamed that King George VI was dead, and that Helen Hardinge had somehow or other got herself proclaimed Queen of England, and that I was detailed to go and tell her that it wouldn't do at all; and when I did this, all she said was, 'You see, I am really Queen Mary,' and I said, 'Oh very well' - words to that effect, and woke up.

Last night I dreamed that Eisenhower came to stay with us, and he insisted on being put to sleep in the dog kennel, with a collar and chain about his neck."

- Sir Alan Lascelles, 19 February 1980

quote:

Me: “Thank you for calling *****. What is the issue you’re calling about?”

Customer: “I can’t get wi-fi on my phone!!!”

Me: “Okay, what does the phone say when you try to connect?”

Customer: “It asks me for a password, but I don’t know the password!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s the password you set when you first got your router.”

Customer: “Router? What the heck is a router?”

Me: “It’s the little box you have connected to your internet to enable wi-fi.”

Customer: “Why the heck would I have internet? I don’t even own a computer!”

Me: *sigh*