no, there really are no pictures of him. that's one of i think only two roles he's ever had. he's not hot. i just have a crush. *sighs in embarrassment*

i just went looking and i really *can't* show myself up badly enough to put pics of him up here. you'll have to do some legwork and find out for yourself if you want to know.

all right, this lovely piece of work was the first thing I edited at the evilpublishinghouseofdeath. and how did the body end up suspended by the crossbeam? autoerotic asphyxiation. others were probably worse, but that one will always stick with me.

and this one's just...well, the author was clearly on an acid trip. Methyl Violet Meridians.

wait, here's the synopsis for that second one: "Gallop across the savage plains of a future distopia crawling with psychedelic specters spawned from a sorcerer’s drug dream. Panoramic foreground of this nihilistic, black comedy fantasy, choreographed from the inner circles of the inferno, includes a village ruled by a frail Oriental (the richest man in the known universe) wherein malnourished victims of myriad terminal addictions pursue unhinged hedonisms of psychosexual pathologies, and cavort in desperately debauched bacchanalia in a maniac’s juke-joint: surrounded by a creepily hallucinogenic ecology teeming with tri-sexual Mutants with six breasts, and other miscreants great and small, scampering predacious across a seared moonscape.

"The Oriental and his minions, an atavistic mercenary, a voluptuously seven-foot tall African-American exotic dancer and a deranged Preacher avidly swindle, scam, scheme and flounder through a meagerly savage existence plagued by new age Nazis, flying saucers, dinosaurs and other carnivorous fiends frantically scrabbling for precarious survival during the ultimately sublime moments of meanwhile."

god, I just tried looking for Dungeons and Dragons photos, but just seeing them made me feel as bad as I'd felt when I'd just paid money to see it!

*sits in a dark room*

*moving to Other Writers*

Oh. I thought that as it was books *and* movies this wouldn't be the right place. Live and learn!

ETA: Though really...I think this is the wrong place for this thread.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: His Noodle Girl,

Babs, I think you've posted that reviwe of the Sorceressess before... It's hilarious to read it again. Why is it that bad literature/film is so funny when told to you, but not whe you're experienceing it?

I dunno! I think I like creative anger in other people!

quote:

Originally posted by Babylon the Bride:
You mean...his other stuff is actually worse than what I read?
But but but...the guy has tons of fans!

I've not read his normal stuff, but he did write my all-time favorite children's book... perhaps that's his lost calling?

I also like Catch 22. I wouldn't say it's the best book I've read this year, but it's quite okay.

The worst book I've ever read was Hinds' Feet On High Places. Man, what utter drivel. It's a Christian allegory & while that by itself needn't be bad - I quite liked The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe -, I thought this book was horrible. This girl called Much Afraid runs away from her bully cousin Craven Fear into the hills & is taught - heck, I'll be darned if I know what she is taught. My mind must have shut off in self-defense when I got to that part. I loathed every single page of it, & what is worse is that I got a stain on the copy a friend lent me, so I had to buy a replacement & then owned my own copy of this thing! Apparently it's a bestseller, though.

Another book that annoyed me greatly was A Counterlife by Philip Roth. Most of it was boring, boring, boring. The meanest part of it was that it suddenly got interesting & exciting half-way through, for about 40 pages, & you think "yay! It just needed some time to get into it!" - just enough to make you see Roth knows how to make it interesting - & then it plummets back to endless navel-gazing. Among the first things I thought after my two stays in hospital this spring was: "I might be dead in a year & I wasted 2 months of my life on THIS?!"

As far as films go, I guess there's a few that were quite bad but the one I remember most vividly was A Walk in the Clouds. If I needed proof that Keanu Reeves can't act, here it was. His performance was extremely wooden, but then the rest of the film was so forgettable & nothingy he hardly stood out. But at the end of the movie you were supposed to be moved to tears & the whole cinema save one person was. Everyone started grabbing for their handkerchiefs & I got a laughing fit. My friends decided not to take me to the cinema again after this.

quote:

Originally posted by Cassiopeia:

As far as films go, I guess there's a few that were quite bad but the one I remember most vividly was A Walk in the Clouds.

BWAHAHA! That film got much hype in Spain coz it was the Hollywood debut of Spanish actress Aitana Sanchez Gijon, who at the time was the hotest actress home. This was before Penelope Cruz and Banderas and ahwat have you, so for us Spanish hicks it was "Wow, our lass is in a film with Keanu Reeves! Who's not done much since Speed but he's in FOREIGN magazines!". The director was Mexican (and had previously directed Like Water For Chocolate, a brilliant film and huge success in Spain, but as we could see it wasn't his merit but his wife's who'd written the fantastic novel it was based on).
Anyway, it looked like our Aitana had made it, and the whole country watched this film in horror. (Later she came back to Spain and delcared she couldn't be bothered with Hollywood, she had been most unhappy with the fakeness and the whole party-going-and-introduce-yourself-to-random-people-to-sell-yourself thing.
Horrible, horrible, piece of melodramatic mediocre shit.

quote:

Originally posted by supersnazz:

quote:

Originally posted by Babylon the Bride:
You mean...his other stuff is actually worse than what I read?
But but but...the guy has tons of fans!

I've not read his normal stuff, but he did write my all-time favorite children's book... perhaps that's his lost calling?

[tiny embarrassed voice]I like the Fear Nothing books especially Orson the dog.[/tiny embarrassed voice]

Worst book? Torsos by John Peyton Cooke. Closed the book and threw it away after I read the bestiality scene. Some things you just can't forget.

Worst movie? Heh...I've seen a lot of crap, but movies I've actually walked out on were Cyborg and Mimic. Now Barn of the Blood Llama...*shudders*

quote:

Originally posted by Cassiopeia:
Another book that annoyed me greatly was A Counterlife by Philip Roth. Most of it was boring, boring, boring.

I cannot remember you being as verbally abusive about it as you were about Don DeLillo's The Body Artist, mind you.

quote:

Don't really remember what it was about Empire Records that bugged me so much, I think it was the main character.

But Gal...Empire Records has GWAR in it!! Any movie witha GWAR cameo is alright by me...

I'm pretty sure the worst movie that I've seen would be a Stephen King adaptation. I remember being in high school when Needful Things came out and leaving 15 minutes into it because we couldn't stop snickering and the people around us gave us dirty looks and shushed us repeatedly. I don't even remember what we found so funny other than the dialogue being craptatsic.

Stephen King also is responsible for one of the worst books I've ever read (which also happens to have been adapted into one of the worst movies I've ever seen): Dreamcatcher. It literally is the Crappiest book I've ever read/movie I've ever seen. A demonic case of diarreah acts as a major plot point. Nuff said.

(I usually like King's stuff, but this was just a steaming pie of...well, you know)

quote:

Originally posted by Venger:
Worst movie? Heh...I've seen a lot of crap, but movies I've actually walked out on were Cyborg and Mimic.

Oh, man. Mimic. Now that's a story of its own... I went to see a friend in Liverpool & we decided to go to the cinema, neither of us cared about the movie but we didn't want horror. So we ended up in Mimic. (Yeah, I know, dumb. But the alternative would have been Barney's Great Adventure, which in hindsight might have been the better choice.) I started suffering as soon as the title music set in at the beginning, & then I started counting the seconds until it would be over: another 100 minutes... 99... 98... I would have walked out but thought my friend liked it. She thought the same. We suffered through the whole movie.

Having said that, I can't say if it was a bad movie. I hated it, sure. But was it badly made? I couldn't say. All I can say is I please never want to watch a movie like that again.

Worst book ever: a Buffy novel that shall remained unnamed. I'd gone through five of them in about two weeks time. They were light reads, pointless, ignored major elements of the show. And then came this one. I was twenty pages in, reading it in the bathroom at work, when I realized that I wanted to tear out each page so that no one else would ever have to read it it. So I did.

The worst movie ever? If we're talking about a movie with the highest budget:crappiness ratio, it's hard to beat Battlefield: Earth.

quote:

Originally posted by FatOigeon:
I haven't been able to watch "Easy Rider" or "Empire Records" all the way through. As soon as I saw those god-damned hippies throwing seeds on untilled ground I knew it was just a matter of time before I hit the stop button in frustration. Don't really remember what it was about Empire Records that bugged me so much, I think it was the main character.

Ouch! And those are two of my favorites.

Da Vinci Code. The man writes like I did when I was in eighth grade. My friend Lucas was reading it in the dorm lounge and at one point stopped reading and flung it against the wall because he was so angry at how bad it was.

I muttered and grumbled my way through The Da Vinci Code oy. I didn't quite fling it, but I did start yelling at it at one point...

my current can't be bothered to even finish it, even though it looked sooooo good at the book store The 13 1/2 Lives of Captain Bluebear. You'd think something with mini-pirates in it would be more interesting.

quote:

Originally posted by Maeve:
I muttered and grumbled my way through The Da Vinci Code oy. I didn't quite fling it, but I did start yelling at it at one point...

Traci and I forced ourselves to read it. Midway, a hurricane came along. It was not one of the titles I chose to save. And I still haven't finished reading it.