FOND MEMORIES OF NEW YEAR'S


>>Panel 1 - Fenwort has piled the blankets onto the end of the bed and is resting his head on them. His eyelids are heavy, but he's still pointing accusingly at the fully dressed Sven.

FENWORT: Rude man.

SVEN: How's that?


>>Panel 2 - SBI. Sven is smiling gently at Fenwort.

FENWORT: Taking advantage of me in my intoxicated state.

SVEN: You seemed pleased enough about it last night.


>>Panel 3 - SBI. Fenwort has dropped his arm.

FENWORT: Oh. Guess I'm a little fuzzy on the details.

SVEN: What do you remember about last night?


>>Panel 4 - SBI. Fenwort's brow is furrowed in thought. Sven has raised an eyebrow at him.

FENWORT: Pretending I was both the ball and the pole as Dick Clark counted down to midnight.

SVEN: Okay, Dick Clark was too ill to do Times Square this time, so I think that might be a memory from a previous year.

MY MOTHER BOUGHT THESE PLATES


>>Panel 1 - Tok, Arch, and Tik are at the kitchen sink, washing plates, saucers, and cups. The dishes have red trim and gold rims. Tok is drying, Arch is washing and rinsing, and Tik is handing dishes to Arch. Tok is looking over in annoyance at Tik.

TOK: I'm sorry, but don't we have a dishwasher?

TIK: Yes, but we can't put these in it.


>>Panel 2 - SBI. Tok has turned his gaze to the plate in his hand.

TOK: Strange, they look like dishes to me.

TIK: These have a gold rim on them that the dishwasher would blast right off, so they have to be handwashed.


>>Panel 3 - SBI. Tok has paused to contemplate Tik's statement.


>>Panel 4 - SBI. Tok is looking over at Tik. She is glaring back.

TOK: So you deliberately bought hardware not forward compatible with current technology.

TIK: Enjoy their beauty, Tok, or I will be forced to hurt you.

HE COMPLAINS BECAUSE ARCH WASHES FASTER THAN HE DRIES


>>Panel 1 - Tok, Arch, and Tik are at the kitchen sink, washing plates, saucers, and cups. The dishes have red trim and gold rims. Tok is drying, Arch is washing and rinsing, and Tik is handing dishes to Arch. Tok is frownin.

TOK: I guess I can see why these plates need handwashed, but why do I have to dry them?

TIK: So we can put the away in a reasonable period instead of letting them clutter up the kitchen.


>>Panel 2 - SBI. Tok and Tik are looking at each other.

TOK: You know, in restaurants, all the things washed are drip dry only.

TIK: You have a point?


>>Panel 3 - SBI. Arch is looking at Tok.

TOK: Towel drying is clearly unsanitary, and I should probably call the Board of Health on you.

ARCH: You really want to explain to a public official why we dug that far into the ground?


>>Panel 4 - SBI. Tok is shrugging. Arch has raised an eyebrow at him.

TOK: I'm not the one who failed to get the proper permits.

ARCH: No, you just oversaw shoring up the tunnels.

TIK: Hey, don't knock the gold mine. It pays the mortgage.

AGALI AND SANJAY THROUGH THE WINDOW. WHAT DID YOU THINK IT WAS?


>>Panel 1 - Tok, Arch, and Tik are at the kitchen sink, washing plates, saucers, and cups. The dishes have red trim and gold rims. Tok is drying, Arch is washing and rinsing, and Tik is handing dishes to Arch. Tik is looking and pointing out the fourth wall.

TIK: Look.


>>Panel 2 - SBI. Tok and Arch have joined her in looking at the audience.


>>Panel 3 - SBI.

TOK: Think they know we can see them?

TIK: Would they be doing that if they did?


>>Panel 4 - SBI. Arch is looking at Tok. Tik has turned to pick up a cup.

TOK: We should probably tell their parents.

ARCH: And ruin their fun?

TIK: Still, you'd think they'd have better things to do with their time.

WHICH LIMITS THEIR OPTIONS WITH COG'S CURSING PROBLEM


>>Panel 1 - Tok, Arch, and Tik are at the kitchen sink, washing plates, saucers, and cups. The dishes have red trim and gold rims. Tok is drying, Arch is washing and rinsing, and Tik is handing dishes to Arch. Cog has snuck in between Tok and Arch, but neither has noticed her yet.


>>Panel 2 - SBI. Tik has turned to pick up a large platter. Arch is waiting for her to hand it to him. While they are busy, Cog has stuck her snout in the water and is sucking it up. Tok is busy stacking dishes.


>>Panel 3 - SBI. Arch and Tik have both turned to find Cog is blowing a massive soap bubble at Tik.


>>Panel 4 - SBI. The soap bubble has burst over Tik, soaking her. Tok and Cog are looking at each other. Arch and Tik are trading comments.

TOK: I thought we locked you in your room.

COG: Agali and Sanjay have been teaching me some new tricks.

ARCH: At least she didn't break any dishes this time.

TIK: Oh, that makes me feel so much better.

CLEANING UP


>>Panel 1 - Tok, Arch, and Tik are at the kitchen sink, cleaning up. Arch is wiping out the sink. Cog is watching him.

COG: What are you doing now?

ARCH: Wiping out the sink.


>>Panel 2 - SBI. Tok is waving his towel in the air.

COG: Why?

ARCH: So it'll be dry and look clean.


>>Panel 3 - SBI. Tok has walked behind the others to hand his towel to Tik.

COG: I've heard the kitchen sink is usually less sanitary than the bathroom toilet.

ARCH: Thus, 'look clean.'


>>Panel 4 - SBI. Tik is looking at Cog. Tok is brushing off his hands.

COG: Wouldn't leaving it messy serve as a better warning?

ARCH: Tidiness counts.

TIK: Just not for very much.

TOK: Like a degree in English.

AND HERE I THOUGHT THE DEMOCRATS WERE THE LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS


>>Panel 1 - Reg is sitting on the couch watching television. Two voices are coming from the television, one in a red speech balloon and one in a blue speech balloon.

RED: President Bush wants to fix social security, something that Clinton never managed to do.

BLUE: Actually, Clinton shored it up and delayed how long it would take for social security to go bankrupt, but I know admitting Clinton did anything good makes the heads of Republicans explode, so go on.


>>Panel 2 - SBI.

RED: Anyhow, the Democrats show their craven nature by their unwillingness to tackle this issue!

BLUE: Except their biggest beef seems to be with the stock market investment accounts Bush wants to graft on social security system. Gore's old lockbox isn't quite as sexy, but would at least be a bit more responsible than actually adding to the national debt to engage in a high-risk venture.


>>Panel 3 - SBI.

RED: The important thing is to tackle the issue now before the system goes bankrupt in four decades. Money adds up over time, so a small change now can make things much better in the future.

BLUE: Okay, my math's a little rusty, but isn't it also true that damage done to the system now can leave it much worse off later?


>>Panel 4 - SBI.

RED: I told you, we're going to borrow money to cover that hole in the plan.

BLUE: I think I liked you guys better before you were the spend and deficit party. I hate having to be the responsible one.

BORROWING MONEY FROM INVESTORS TO CREATE INVESTORS


>>Panel 1 - Reg is sitting on the couch watching television. Two voices are coming from the television, one in a red speech balloon and one in a blue speech balloon.


BLUE: Some claim that these stock market accounts the President wants to add to social security are just a plot to create more investors and thus more Republicans.


>>Panel 2 - SBI.


RED: Nonsense. That's like saying you guys support unionizing the service sector to get more Democrats.

BLUE: Actually, I'm pretty sure we would, it's just not something we have the support to try and do through force of law, and so we have to wait for them to unionize themselves.


>>Panel 3 - SBI.

RED: Oh.

BLUE: And I guess that's what we don't understand. Can't people already invest money in the stock market for their retirement thru their 401k plans or an IRA? Wouldn't adding investment accounts to the social security system actually reduce the diversification of the portfolio an individual can create to retire upon? Isn't this a bad investment strategy that you're proposing?


>>Panel 4 - SBI.

RED: Well, some people are too lazy or undisciplined to invest in companies unless we force them to set aside some money to do it.

BLUE: Is this one of those corrupt executives scamming stupid investors things again? Cause I'd think you'd want to pace yourself with the Enron-type debacles.

COULD BE MICKEY'S HOME BEFORE HE BECAME RICH AND FAMOUS


>>Panel 1 - Keisha is sitting at her desk and talking on the phone.

KEISHA: Tik. Perfect. You're just the one I wanted to talk to.

TIK (phone): Hi, Keisha. Are you calling as my neighbor, or as my supervisor from Phantast Staffing.

KEISHA (continued): Supervisor for now, hon. I need to get someone to fill a job for a day starting in about two hours.


>>Panel 2 - Tik is talking on the phone.

TIK: Well, I have the time today. What's the job?

KEISHA (phone): Sentry duty. Should be light work, but they need someone reliable to keep on eye on things for them.

TIK (continued): Tell me where.


>>Panel 3 - Tik has arrived in a room and is talking to a cartoon cat.

CAPTION: A bit later -

TIK: Hi. Phantast Staffing sent me over.

CAT: Perfect. I'm just getting ready to go. Just let me show you where you'll be guarding.


>>Panel 4 - The cat has walked Tik over to a mouse hole in the wall.

TIK: You have got to be kidding me.

JERRY SHOULD SHAVE HIS WHISKERS


>>Panel 1 - Tik is lying on the ground and watching a mouse hole.


>>Panel 2 - SBI.

TIK: You know, if I folded up my wings, I could probably fit in there.


>>Panel 3 - SBI. Tik has moved forward and is peering into the hole.

TIK: Hello, anybody in there?


>>Panel 4 - SBI. A large, hairy rat-snout has pushed through the hole and clamped down on a very surprised Tik.

SOUND EFFECT: CHOMP

ODDLY ENOUGH, TOK HAS FACED SOMETHING SIMILAR


>>Panel 1 - Tok has picked up the phone.

TOK: Hello?

TIK (phone): Tok, is Cog there?


>>Panel 2 - SBI. Tok is looking around.

TOK: Hi, Tik. She's around here somewhere. What do you need her for?

TIK (phone): I need her help with something.


>>Panel 3 - SBI. Tok is looking at the phone's base.

TOK: Well, if it's about your sentry assignment, I might be able to help. I've certainly done enough of them myself.

TIK (phone): It's not about the assignment, okay?

>>Panel 4 - The view has switched to Tik. She is talking on a cell phone. Around her, tentacles have popped out of the mouse hole and are trying to overwhelm her.

TOK (phone): You sure?

TIK: Could you just get Cog?

ALTOIDS WOULD PROBABLY KILL HIM


>>Panel 1 - Tik is struggling with tentacles that have popped out of a mouse hole.

TIK: Okay, that first guy wasn't a mouse, and neither are you. What's the deal here?


>>Panel 2 - SBI. A voice is popping through the wall.

K'TALNAL: I am K'talnal, Dark Lord of the Endless Abyss, and I demand entry into to your dimension!


>>Panel 3 - SBI. A tentacle has wrapped around Tik's neck.

TIK: Really. And the first guy was?

K'TALNAL: Fluffy, my primordial rat.


>>Panel 4 - SBI. The tentacle is squeezing hard on Tik's neck, but Tik is only grimacing in annoyance.

TIK: Well, the primordial rat could use a mint.

K'TALNAL: I'll be sure to get some while I rampage through a convenience store. Now let me through!

YEAH, MY MIND ACTUALLY DOES WORK LIKE THIS


>>Panel 1 - Tik is sitting next to a mouse hole and is talking on a cell phone.

TIK: Hi, Keisha. It's Tik.

TIK (continued): Hey, how much did our client tell you about this assignment?

KEISHA (phone): That it was too keep an eye on a mouse hole. I figured it was about your size so I called you.


>>Panel 2 - SBI.

TIK: Well, the mouse hole just happens to be a very small portal into a very nasty dimension. It definitely wasn't the cushy job I was led to believe.

KEISHA (phone): Oh no. Do you need help?


>>Panel 3 - The shot has shifted to the right to reveal Cog slurping up a mouthful of tentacles.

TIK: No, I had it taken care of.

SOUND EFFECT: Slurp!


>>Panel 4 - SBI. Cog has finished off the tentacles and is looking excitedly at Tik.

TIK: However, you are going to have to pay Cog for her help

COG: I get money?

THE SUPERHERO GENRE RARELY LINGERS ON THE CLEAN UP


>>Panel 1 - Cog is crouched on the ground, waiting to pounce on Tok. Her target is sitting in front of the computer. Tik is sitting on the monitor and looking at the screen.


>>Panel 2 - SBI. Cog has launched herself into the air.


>>Panel 3 - SBI. Cog has landed on Tok and engulfed his head with her beak. Tik is looking up at them.

SOUND EFFECT: THUMP

>>Panel 4 - SBI. Cog has reared back and is sticking her tongue out in disgust. Tik has raised an eyebrow at Tok.

COG: BLECH! What did you put on your head?

TOK: Car wax. I haven't showered since our chasing the Toxic Beetle thru that car wash. I thought it important to hold off until you could share a small part of the experience Sven and I had that you missed.

TIK: Like it's her fault she was smart enough to go around.

ADVANTAGES OF BEING ANATOMICALLY INCORRECT


>>Panel 1 - Cog is perched on the back of Tok's chair, watching him work on the computer. Tik is sitting on the monitor, watching the screen.

COG:What are you doing?

TIK: Trying to find the ad they nixed from running during the Super Bowl.


>>Panel 2 - SBI. Tik is looking up at Cog.

COG: Which one?

TIK: The one with Mickey Rooney's bare butt.


>>Panel 3 - SBI. Cog is looking back at Tik.

COG: Humans have such weird hang-ups about nudity.

TIK: I think it has to do with their reproductive strategies.


>>Panel 4 - SBI. Tik is smiling at Tok.

COG: Sure, but when you consider all the time and money they spend just to participate in it, you'd think they'd be a bit less uptight.

TOK: I know. The narrative about sex presented by the Super Bowl commercials seems to suggest that it is a good thing to do as long as you keep your clothes on.

TIK: Kinky.

Monday

APPARENTLY, SAIN IS A BIT OF SNOB

>>Panel 1 - Icingbell and Sain are sitting on his couch. Icingbell is reading a book. Sain is watching television. An end table with a phone is on one end.

SAIN: Okay, this trend has officially gone to far.


>>Panel 2 - SBI. Icingbell is looking up at Sain.

ICINGBELL: What that's?

SAIN: Putting television shows on DVD.


>>Panel 3 - SIB. Icingbell looks puzzled. Sain is pointing at the screen.

ICINGBELL: What prompted that?

SAIN: They're putting Hee Haw out.


>>Panel 4 - SBI. Icingbell is looking at the television.

ICINGBELL: You're not actually hating one of the legendary shows of syndication are you?

SAIN: Like Norm MacDonald on Weekend Update.



Tuesday

AND -PHBPT- SHE WAS GONE


>>Panel 1 - Sain is sitting on his couch, watching television. He is looking up at Icingbell. She is standing a picking up the phone off the end table.

SAIN: So you like Hee Haw.

ICINGBELL: Yup.


>>Panel 2 - SBI. Icingbell is dialing.

SAIN: Why?

ICINGBELL: My sense of humor, obviously.


>>Panel 3 - SBI. Sain looks annoyed. Icingbell is looking at him.

SAIN: Hmph.

ICINGBELL: Look, even if you don't think it's funny, you got to respect how long it ran. They'd write all the scripts and the shoot all the scenes for a set for at least a season one right after another. They pared the process down to its component parts to make the show profitable.


>>Panel 4 - SBI. Sain is smirking. Icingbell has raised an eyebrow at him.

SAIN: And it was having cash flow problems because its audience was waning, right?

ICINGBELL: How right you might be has nothing to do with me calling to order the DVD's now and making you watch them later.



Wednesday

THE SWEET SMELL OF HYPOCRISY


>>Panel 1 - Icingbell and Sain are watching television. Icingbell is crouched down near the set, poking at the things stored underneath it. Sain is sitting on the couch.

ICINGBELL: Even considering Hee Haw, you have to admit that the releasing of all these television series on DVD is pretty sweet.

SAIN: Yes, cause I so want to be able to savor every exchange of the sidesplitting rapid patter of Gilmore Girls.


>>Panel 2 - SBI. Icingbell has pulled out the gold first season Star Trek box collection and tossed it on the ground.

SOUND EFFECT: Thawp


>>Panel 3 - SBI. Icingbell has pulled out the blue second season Star Trek box collection and tossed it on the ground.

SOUND EFFECT: Thwap


>>Panel 4 - SBI. Icingbell has pulled out the gold first season Start Trek box collection and tossed it on the ground. Icingbell is smirking back at Sain. Sain is rolling his eyes.

ICINGBELL: So tell me again how you aren't enjoying this trend?

SAIN: You would not believe how long it took them to put the original series of Star Trek out on DVD.

OR AT LEAST HOW FANATICAL THEY ARE


>>Panel 1 - Icingbell is sitting on the floor in front of the television. She is handling the gold, red, and blue boxes of the Star Trek DVDs. Sain is sitting on the couch behind her.

ICINGBELL: So these just came out?

SAIN: Before the holiday rush, yeah.


>>Panel 2 - SBI. Icingbell looks puzzled.

ICINGBELL: You'd think Star Trek would have been among the first to go to DVD.

SAIN: Well, the tapes had been around forever, so the audience had already been served once. And I think they didn't want to flood the market with all the series at once, so one of the them had to end up being last.


>>Panel 3 - SBI. Icingbell is looking back at Sain.

ICINGBELL: How much did these cost?

SAIN: About 100 bucks a season.


>>Panel 4 - SBI. Icingbell is looking thoughtfully at the boxes.

ICINGBELL: Hmm. That's twice what most other shows are running.

SAIN: Which almost makes you want to reexamine how smart Star Trek fans actually are.

BUT IT'S SO A-DOOR-A-BLE!


>>Panel 1 - Icingbell is sitting on the floor in front of the television. She is opening one box of the gold, red, and blue boxes of the Star Trek DVDs. It opens by splitting down the middle. Sain is sitting on the couch behind her.

SOUND EFFECT: Thakt


>>Panel 2 - SBI. Icingbell is closing the box.

ICINGBELL: This is weird packaging on these Star Trek DVDs.

SAIN: Guess that wanted buyers to feel they were getting their money's worth.

SOUND EFFECT: Thunkt

>>Panel 3 - SBI. Icingbell is looking back at Sain.

ICINGBELL: Wouldn't it have made more sense to make them into a communicator or something?

SAIN: I think having them in the gold, blue, and red of the crew colors is kind of cool. A communicator would have been too hokey.


>>Panel 4 - SBI. Icingbell is smirking and has pulled out a DVD collection in a yellow parka from below the television. Sain looks annoyed.

ICINGBELL: Like putting a zipper on the Northern Exposure packaging?

SAIN: You're the one who cooed over how cute its parka was at the store.