Just thought I'd tell you all of a novel I'm writing. I've been writing it for a couple of years now, but due to commitments etc, I've been naughty and neglected it for about 6 months.

So now I've decided to post it as a blog novel (blovel? blook? Whatever, I digress..)

If anyone wants to read that latest chapter and give me some constructive criticism (plot, characters etc) please feel free to do it.

The problem so far is that I think I'm trying to cram in too many elements (witches, wizards, strange artifacts, talking dogs, flying carpets, levitating rings, homocidal goblins, secret undead brotherhoods... ooh, and a clockwork robot)

http://talistay.bitpartmedia.com

--
Rob Gould

So... you joined another author's website just to tell us about a book you're writing?


Seems a wee bit... spammy.

Dear Mr. Gould,

Thank you for your submission. Upon review of your first chapter, we regret to inform you that we have decided against publishing your manuscript at this time.

While your prose is proficient on a technical level, it suffers from what we refer to as "spellchecker's syndrome" -- a common ailment in which a promising writer relies on the computer's spellcheck function to the exclusion of other grammatical resources. One example of this in your prose can be seen in the following sentence:

quote:

Finally, her attention was drawn to the cutlery draw, but it was no use, the knives were hopelessly out of reach behind the cloaked intruder.

In this sentence "draw" should be "drawer." We recommend asking a friend with a good eye to serve as a proofreader to catch errors like these; they are notoriously difficult to see on one's own. A polished manuscript is almost always going to be given more attention than one riddled with grammatical or syntactical errors, no matter how small.

Our decision not to publish your work has less to do with this, however, than with three other factors. First, there is nothing that makes your prose stand out from the hundreds of fantasy manuscripts that cross our desks every week. While your conversational style is currently quite popular, it may not be the best choice for this story. In some cases, it may detract from the atmosphere you have worked so hard to create.

Second, you begin this story in media res -- which is a perfectly acceptable choice on your part -- but the reader does not have a chance to get to know your main character, Eliza, before she begins doing things the narration suggests are not in her nature. This leaves the reader confused and the story disjointed, and we wonder whether the reader is given the opportunity to become invested in the character.

The same can be said for the mysterious man Eliza encounters in the first chapter. We understand that there is value in waiting to reveal who he is and the organization he represents, but we also feel that revealing nothing at all in the first chapter hinders the story. You may want to consider giving the reader a little more information to "chew on" at the end of the first chapter.

Third, we are concerned that your plot and characters will fall into the one-dimensional tropes that permeate the bulk of contemporary fantasy. Unless you grab the reader's attention right away with the promise of something substantially different than what he or she might find elsewhere, you risk losing the reader to a humdrum set of expectations: shadowy covens/fraternities/organizations, "complicated" main characters (who are in fact less complicated than confused), powerful yet cookie-cutter villains, faeries whose motivations are too capricious to be believed, the advent of tragedy around the halfway point of the ms. that is redeemed in the final hundred pages, characters who experience a change of heart (from "evil" to "good" or vice versa), or (increasingly common) heroes/heroines who defy convention.

While we do not necessarily believe the story will fall prey to these tropes, there is nothing in the first chapter to suggest otherwise. We recommend stepping back for a few months before returning to it. When you do, we recommend thinking long and hard in the meantime about the direction you have planned for the story, and trying to find ways of making it stand out from the crowd.

We wish you the best of luck and ask in the future that you consider being a part of a community like this one before you submit your work to open criticism.

Sincerely,

The Cloven Editor
The Nonexistent Press

oh Circus, I adore you! Now tell me what a trope is, 'cos I'm too bloody lazy to crack open the dictionary.

quote:

Originally posted by Maeve:
So... you joined another author's website just to tell us about a book you're writing?

Seems a wee bit... spammy.

As indeed it is: link to message board FAQ about spamming.

edited to remove my picture of the cute little freaky weird Spam-Boy since it's not completely spammy. I'll save my Spam-Boy for something that's 100% spammy goodness.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Weeble,

Thanks for the advice. I was never one to be backwards in coming forwards so to speak.

I didn't realise it was wrong to 'spam' my work here (for which I apologise whole-heartedly).

quote:

The same can be said for the mysterious man Eliza encounters in the first chapter. We understand that there is value in waiting to reveal who he is and the organization he represents, but we also feel that revealing nothing at all in the first chapter hinders the story. You may want to consider giving the reader a little more information to "chew on" at the end of the first chapter.

Fair point.

Thank you for not being too critical..

Look forward to being part of the community by the way. I'm not a professional writer (that much is a given) - I'm a graphic designer.

Writing is just something I like to do in my spare time.


--
Rob Gould

quote:

Seems a wee bit... spammy.

Sorry. Wouldn't it be simpler just to ... delete the post then?

--
Rob Gould

quote:

Originally posted by Rob Gould:
Thanks for the advice. I was never one to be backwards in coming forwards so to speak.

I didn't realise it was wrong to 'spam' my work here (for which I apologise whole-heartedly).

quote:

The same can be said for the mysterious man Eliza encounters in the first chapter. We understand that there is value in waiting to reveal who he is and the organization he represents, but we also feel that revealing nothing at all in the first chapter hinders the story. You may want to consider giving the reader a little more information to "chew on" at the end of the first chapter.

Fair point.

Thank you for not being too critical..

Look forward to being part of the community by the way. I'm not a professional writer (that much is a given) - I'm a graphic designer.

Writing is just something I like to do in my spare time.


--
Rob Gould

I hope I didn't come across as too crass in my criticism. Honestly, I was just having a little fun with the concept (though the criticisms were genuine).

You know...I'm totally willing to read the rest of what you have posted there. I'm quite curious to see what you do with the story. If you want more thorough reviews, I'd be happy to email you in a week or so.

And...I think you'll find we're actually a pretty forgiving group here. I personally don't see any need to delete a post that was made in good faith (even though it violates board policy), but I'm not a mod and don't have much sway. Go visit the World's End forum, say hello, maybe stick around if you like it! We always like new people.

okay, my two cents.

to me, this is borderline.

Rob is asking us for advice on his writing and he's not the first new poster to do this, he is not trying to get us to buy his book, just help him write it.

Its not in good taste, he's asking a lot of people he doesn't know, but since he's taken the opinion of the posters and the critiques in good faith i'm willing to let it go. If one of the other Mods notices something that I haven't they have every right to either delete Rob's link, edit his post and/or lock this thread, but for now i'm going to let it stand.

Rob - I would recommend you read all our FAQs as is good practice for any forum you wish to contribute too.

I'd also recommend you get yourself to Worlds End and contribute to the forum, you may make yourself a few more friends there.

Circus' Ghost wrote:

quote:

I hope I didn't come across as too crass in my criticism. Honestly, I was just having a little fun with the concept (though the criticisms were genuine).

No, you didn't come across that way at all. In fact this is the sort of thing I'm looking for. I have no experience of writing - especially writing novels or short stories - so I'm thankful actually.

Circus' Ghost also wrote:

quote:

You know...I'm totally willing to read the rest of what you have posted there. I'm quite curious to see what you do with the story. If you want more thorough reviews, I'd be happy to email you in a week or so.

That would indeed be very kind. Thank you.

Smaug wrote:
[QUOTE]Rob - I would recommend you read all our FAQs as is good practice for any forum you wish to contribute too. [\QUOTE]

Yes, in hindsight that would have been the best course of action. I had just assumed that the 'Other Writers' section didn't mean published writers, so I just went ahead and looked for some advice.

Smaug also wrote:
[QUOTE]I'd also recommend you get yourself to Worlds End and contribute to the forum, you may make yourself a few more friends there.[\QUOTE]

Good idea. I'll head there now!

(sorry for the misunderstanding - feel free to moderate the post if needed)

Many thanks all.

--
Rob Gould

Welcome to the board, Rob! Hope I wasn't too rough on you - I removed my spam picture. Thanks for coming back and clarifying.

quote:

Originally posted by Rob Gould:



Smaug wrote:
[QUOTE]Rob - I would recommend you read all our FAQs as is good practice for any forum you wish to contribute too. [\QUOTE]

Yes, in hindsight that would have been the best course of action. I had just assumed that the 'Other Writers' section didn't mean published writers, so I just went ahead and looked for some advice.

this was my suspicion, which was why your post wasn't edited or deleted 10 hours ago when i first read it.